Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Pickup Problems Faced by Intermediate Seducers

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

pickup problemsIntermediate-level playboys have problems too. Their problems picking up women are different from beginners. They get some success now… but now come the plateaus, inconsistency, and ego.

Hey guys, welcome back.

Today I want to address a rarely discussed subject: issues intermediate and advanced players face with their learning curves. We often talk about difficulties beginners face, such as approach and escalation anxiety, lack of motivation and confidence, and even becoming depressed.

I know coaches who specialize in helping beginners. They spend time motivating them and playing the role of a therapist so beginners deal with whatever issue they may face while teaching them the basic skillset.

Many products are also geared toward beginners. They give a basic understanding of social dynamics and teach them the fundamentals of pickup and seduction.

Fewer products or coaching programs are dedicated to intermediate practitioners and even fewer to advanced guys. I will get to why that is.

I am careful about calling a top-tier advanced guy a student since they might hire me as a consultant to get an external perspective or learn about something I specialize in to master a new area.

Take a moment to jot down some challenges these two groups of students face. Then I will share a few words on dealing with these issues.

Women Select Mates Very Differently from How Men Do

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

female mate selectionWomen are different from men. They aren’t attracted to the same things men are, and they choose their mates differently than men do.

I spoke with a friend recently about how important preselection is to women's mate choices.

I shared some of the research on it (most of which I've shared in other articles or in One Date) that shows men get a +25% attractiveness boost when women see them with a good-looking girl who is visibly attracted to them... this is a bigger boost in attractiveness than height, good looks, confidence, humor, or anything else women like in men. Having attractive women attracted to you is the single biggest attraction factor there is for men.

My friend noted how he knew this, and in fact it was a big part of his game back in the day, letting women see lots of other good-looking women being very into him. It made hooking up a breeze.

However, he still found it a bit mind-boggling. He's not interested in women with lots of men around at all... it's a bit counterintuitive to a man that women like men who get women.

Recently he tried an experiment, just for the heck of it. He had a couple of average girls who were very into him, yet who he himself was not really attracted to. Just to test it, he told them a few stories about women not wanting him. The result was a complete 180 in their attraction; they lost all interest in him and stopped bothering him.

Imagine a hot girl telling you, "Guys just don't want me." You'd be all over her!

Why's it so totally different with the sex roles reversed?

[WATCH] Selecting a Charismatic Role Model

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

In under two weeks, we reopen the doors for Charisma in a Bottle, my charisma training course.

If you're ready to exude the kind of personal magnetism you see in select Hollywood stars and other compelling figures, you're going to want to pick up a copy of Charisma.

In advance of the rerelease, I've put together a series of videos for you.

The first one, as you might guess, is on charisma.

Specifically, it's on selecting charismatic role models you can learn from -- whether on the screen or in real life.

Give it a watch, because this is one of the most IMPORTANT steps you can take for your own charisma:

charisma video

 

Or click here to watch the video.

See you over there.

Chase

Why Do Guys Screw Up When the Girl Is Really Hot?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

hot girl screwupsHow come when a girl is really hot, you mess up more, even if you don’t with more average girls? There’s a reason for it – and it happens to almost every guy, too.

I recently received an email from a long-time acquaintance who'd left England to begin traveling through Central and South America and get back to picking up girls again while also working as a yoga instructor.

He'd continued sleeping with average girls from dating apps over the lockdowns, then once his trip started, he bedded a few more average girls from hostels. Assuming all was good with his game, and he must be rust-free, he then proceeded to meet an extremely beautiful Argentinian girl... and it all fell apart.

He says:

I met physically my perfect girl who was working on the tour desks. She’s Argentinian and I’m really into Latin girls.  I suggested she joined me for dinner and it went really well. I deep dived alot and after dinner moved her to a quiet sofa outside by the pool.  She was a little bit tipsy by now from all the Argentinian wine at dinner, and was sitting super close to me.  She also told me what an amazing evening she’d had and hugged me twice for a long time.  It was the obvious escalation window, only I didn’t do anything!

My reasoning was that I’m new here and don’t want to seem like I was taking advantage of her when she was drunk.  I figured I had loads of other opportunities.  It was also late and I had to teach yoga in the morning. So we hugged and went our separate ways. 

That was a big mistake!  She text me the next morning saying how good a night she had. Now all I was thinking about is ‘this is going to be the hottest girl I’ve slept with, when can I get her alone again!’  So I went into full on chasing mode, suggesting she came with me on my weekend trip and suggesting a load of other potential dates. Plus inviting her to come and stay with me in London!

By time we had dinner it was the next week and by then her long distance boyfriend was unexpectedly coming to see her for a day later in the week.  She’d also been offered a job in Tulum and was leaving at the weekend.  This made me think ‘this is my last chance, need to impress her’ so I was way too high energy. Got her back to my room to drink wine on the balcony, but waited way too long to do anything, plus hadn’t been touching her or leading the conversation towards sex.

Also I’d been doing way too much deep diving that it had become an interview.  She was tired so I knew it was my last chance, so tried to kiss her with no setup.  She said she just wanted to keep things as they are as we get on really well and I said nothing to persuade her otherwise!  I just waited a while and tried to escalate a couple more times, which again was chasing and unsuccessful.

I spoke to her a few times around the hostel in the week afterwards, but just casual friendly stuff. Turns out I’ll be in Tulum next weekend, she said let her know, but feel like it would be hard to arrange to see her without it seeming like I’m chasing.  I was so mad with myself the next day! The escalation window had been wide open with a super hot girl, and I decided to walk away! But at least it lead to me re-reading a lot of your stuff!

Now, it wasn't like his game just completely disappeared. Because the very next day this happened:

The next day I had another tinder date with a Mexican girl who didn’t speak English.  As I really didn’t care about her of course my game was great and quickly slept with her and had a great night!

He wraps up by asking:

Would you say there should be no difference between game with 10’s than average tinder date girls? If you haven’t written an article on this I think it’s an interesting topic. And how would you play seeing the Argentinian girl again?

I've written about that in places, in snippets, but I don't think I've ever devoted a complete article to the subject.

So, let's do that now. Let's talk about why guys screw up with really hot girls... and whether you can (and should) approach them exactly the same as more ordinary, average, or cute girls.

Logistics Checklist: What to Prepare for Good Seductions

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

logistics checklistMake it easier on yourself to seduce by having everything you need logistically. Including what to have on your person, on your phone, and at home at your place.

Hey guys. I hope you are doing well.

Today we will discuss the important but under-discussed topic of logistics. No matter how good you are, logistics are crucial for success. Logistics are key no matter when you approach women or what type of game you use.

The importance of logistics is undisputed. Nobody would dare disagree with this.

Logistics is everything in the interaction that facilitates or complicates the process. It includes the context in which the interaction and seduction take place. You can control some aspects and some you cannot. However, you can deal with unfortunate logistics (wildcards); see my post on the subject.

You can actively seek out some logistics (girls with two friends; sets of three are easier to deal with than sets of two), and there are others to avoid (a group of girls where one is very drunk, likely to cause wildcards later).

Today we will discuss the logistics you can control and implement RIGHT AWAY effortlessly. This post is useful for seducers of all levels.

We will discuss what you need:

  • To carry with you in your pocket or bag when you go out

  • To have at your place when you pull her home

Sometimes logistics alone can get you laid. It is not that common, but it does occur. However, bad logistics can ruin many potential lays. Once, I forgot to have cigarettes at home, which led me to nearly lose a threesome with two very cute Finnish girls in 2009. A student of mine missed a potential lay because he forgot to download Uber or any transportation app! Trust me, losing a lay because of stupid logistic issues are frustrating as hell, and you can easily avoid these pitfalls.

Well, no more with this post.

This list will be extensive. I have been into this for over 15 years, and I have been in almost every logistic loophole imaginable. So some of my advice can counteract some uncommon situations, but the little effort required on your end to avoid facing it makes it worthwhile to consider.

I am not claiming that you need to have everything listed here to get laid. Even if your logistics are not perfect, you often can get away with it—until you don’t. It is the latter scenario that I dedicate this post to. Logistics are a requirement to get laid in most circumstances. Bad logistics can ruin your game if you don’t take care of them. So, let’s take care of them, and if you implement most if not all the advice listed here, you can safeguard yourself from much trouble.

The 4 Best Ways to Introduce Girls to Your Wingman

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

wingman introsThere are four good ways to introduce your wingman to girls. Which you choose will depend on how well (or not) the girls have responded to you so far.

How do you approach girls with a wingman?

If you're like a lot of unskilled guys, you'll both go barreling in at once, distracting and possibly intimidating the girls.

The girls are then forced to divide their attention between two guys, and you and your 'wingman' end up in a de facto competition to try to get the girls' attention onto yourselves.

For obvious reasons, this is not so effective.

Another way I've seen guys do it wrong is the one guy opens, and the other just stands out in space and never introduces himself or gets introduced.

Not much good you can do as a wing when you're never in the conversation to, you know, wing.

What we want is to get your wingman in there with you, in a way that helps you with the girl you want and (assuming her friend is cute) sets him up to succeed with her friend too.

We need a little more strategy for this than "both guys go talk at once" or "one guy talks and the other just waits, possibly forever."

Let's talk about opening things with a wingman properly.

Friends Who Value You Less Than You Do Them

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

friend value imbalancesYou may have friends you feel you need more than they need you. Why does this happen with friends, and what can you do to make it a realer, more equal friendship?

A week ago on the forum one of our members asked me about friends who seemingly value you less than you do them / friends who seem to need you less than you need them.

I'll share part of his post here:

I consider myself a high value guy who’s good with girls , has good conversational skill and a good business he’s built - which does not mean I can’t improve, quite the opposite. Just that I have trouble thinking my problem is value.

but I do struggle with friendships and have a doubt I am not being respected.

How selective should you be with your friends ? How do you build abundance ?

I have about 8-9 people i consider pretty cool that I can go out with 1-2 a month ( some I can see 1-2 a week some I can see once every 2 months).

This feeling that I am more invested in the friendship than they are…

…and that I would like to see them more than they would like to see me bothers the fuck out of me.

I hate this feeling of neediness almost as much as I hated not having abundance with girls.

At the time i discovered that if I hit the streets and bars i only needed 10-20 approaches to bang a cute girl … and that feeling disappeared.

So my question isn’t only how to make new friends but rather, why aren’t all these guys as invested as I am in our ‘ friendship ‘ ?

Is that a respect and value problem ? Or did I target people who don’t go out as much.

First off, let me say I can relate, as I think most people can; unless all your friends are very close, old friendships, you probably have people you're friends with whom you aren't certain value you as highly as you do them.

This feeling is worse when ALL your friends are relatively recent friends.

I didn't stay close friends with anyone I knew before graduating university, and every time I've changed cities I've generally found myself with a bunch of totally new people, going through this same, "Are we valuing this friendship the same amount?" dance.

As our forum member notes, it is due to some degree of neediness, and as with girls it disappears as abundance does. However, like with girls, there are also levels of abundance with friendships too.

So, it can be a little complicated -- but let's talk about the causes and the remedies.

Some Friends Are Bad for Your Dating Health

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

friends bad for datingDon’t let friends’ unproductive beliefs about women seep into your skull. Be careful how the friends around you affect the way you think about dating, sex, and romance.

Friends are great assets to your life. They give you companionship, encouragement, and can introduce new ideas and activities to your sphere you might never have encountered on your own.

Friends can push you into great new things... however, the wrong friend can also hold you back.

On our forum, a member named Shawn discusses how a friend of his warped his mindset toward women, making him far less effective with women as a result:

... since I was going through dry-spell, I just believed whatever he used to say so that at least I'll try something different.There are many things but just off the top of my head: not to tease girls cos it'll come across as try hard, should be friends with girls and take it slow, game is all red-pill and that's bad etc etc There are many things [he told me] but just off the top of my head: not to tease girls cos it'll come across as try hard, should be friends with girls and take it slow, game is all red-pill and that's bad etc etc. I can go on for hours about his advices.

He is the first person I saw so closely putting pussy on a pedestal. He is so sure of himself that whenever I tried to tell him that's not the right way to treat chics, he'd get so defensive that it'd make me wonder if what I'm preaching is even right. He had read pickup material for 4 years. So, I thought he at least has enough knowledge theoritically.

Anyway, like I said earlier, it was just my mistake to get into his frame thinking he's "better" and I do much better solo.

You might think Shawn must be a clueless newbie, but he isn't. About his game before this friend twisted his approach all out of shape, he says:

I was always considered a natural since I discovered game only 3 years ago while I was getting laid through cold-approach long before I knew something like game or cold-approach existed.

I don't know how skilled Shawn is, but cold approach itself is a fairly rare skill set that most men will never attempt on their own. The fact that he was doing it himself (and getting laid with it) implies he's far from a total novice.

But the wrong friend still managed to derail him anyway.

If you're not careful, and you're in a vulnerable state (like the dry spell Shawn found himself in), the wrong friend can have that kind of effect on you, too.

Can You Get Every Girl?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

get every girlIs it possible to attain every girl if you get good enough with women? Or are there limits? A realistic look at the upper echelons of ladykilling skills.

Hey guys.

Today I would like to offer a few words about what is achievable and what we can hope to attain in pickup and seduction. There are two schools of thought on this subject.

The first is the pessimistic view that a girl is either into you or not, and at the first sign of a challenge, you need to consider it a rejection.

And the other is the optimistic view that you can get any girl.

Both these extremes are flawed. I will attempt to show you why and then present my view.

We will approach this by covering both views first and discussing why each is flawed. Then I will give you my perspective, which is a synthesis of both.

Meet Girls Spots and the Cheerleader Effect

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

meet girls spots & the cheerleader effectMen gravitate to places filled with hot girls to do their approaching. Such venues are rarely the best place to meet girls… but men keep going due to the cheerleader effect.

We had a conversation on the forum the other day about better spots to meet women where your odds of successful hookups are higher.

At one point in the conversation Alek Rolstad noted that he's always had the HIGHEST odds of meeting girls who are straightforward to pick up in gay-friendly nightlife venues. That's been my experience too.

A member who's struggled to get traction picking up girls in-field (having been more of a dating app guy) commented that women in gay clubs in the US are "trashy" and that perhaps it's different in Europe.

It's true, there are some trashy women in gay-friendly US clubs. There are nevertheless some genuinely hot women there, too, and they are far easier to get together with there than they are just about anywhere else.

Thing is, most guys won't go to these places.

It's not even just because "there's gay guys there and I don't want people to think I'm gay."

Instead, it's because of something else, that affects men in all their types of venue selection:

Most guys don't pick the venues where it's easiest to get laid.

Most men, rather, gravitate toward venues where the cheerleader effect is on fullest display.