Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Does It Matter If Your Girlfriend Keeps Photos of Her Ex?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girlfriend has photos of exIs it normal for a girlfriend to keep pics and other reminders of her ex-boyfriend? To some degree, but if she’s always looking at them or bringing him up, it’s a problem.

Commenting on my recent article about the Feminine Interest Spectrum, reader Fanfun asked about what to do when a girlfriend has pictures of her ex-boyfriend (or other past lovers).

He says:

Will you make an article on how to behave when the girl you are with has archived photos with her ex or old photos or otherwise things prior to the relationship that she says she keeps as a memory but that still convey a public message and one of respect towards you? How to deal with you in this regard?

I asked for a little more detail on the issue, and he expanded:

My thought is that if he still has photos with him both on social media and in the gallery he still has some relevance and danger like any other memory like a song connected to him, it would be interesting an article about how to deal with it even if we do not catch it (and that therefore means that he could or could not think about it or review any type of memory such as photos keep t-shirts etc)) the fact of still having of the material, how to act? And how could we do if if he already has many experiences connected to a guy to make us love more or / and forget others?

My first response was that this isn't really worth worrying about.

But I considered it a bit more, and the reality is that it really does depend.

It depends on how attached she is to the ex in question. It depends on how romantic/nostalgic she is. It depends, too, on how likely a threat this man from the past is to your current relationship with her.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Lover Lens

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

lover lensNeed to make things more romantic/sexual? Want a girl to tell you how to seduce her? Use the lover lens… and let her tell you how her past lovers have done it.

One of the things I have discovered over the years is that seduction is definitely NOT "one size fits all."

If you always seduce in the same way you may not realize this.

You might even be consistently successful with your schtick, if you have it really locked in and use a broadly seductive approach to game.

However, there are little nuances that work better for one girl and worse for another. If you know what they are you're at an advantage, compared to men who don't.

How do you find such things out though?

After all, you can't just ask a girl for them... or can you?

In fact you can, with a little tactic we might dub 'the lover lens'.

Why Do Women Have Sex? The 10 Most Common Reasons

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

reasons women have sexWhy do women have sex – is it in hopes of a relationship or because the guy is hot? Urges, pleasure, loneliness, experimentation… women’s true sexual motivators may surprise you.

Lately I'm noticing more comments from readers who seem to conclude women have sex mainly because they're hoping for a long-term relationship.

One recent comment seemed to suggest a woman wouldn't have sex at all unless she thought it would lead to a relationship. Any sexual encounter not leading to one, this reader seemed to suggest, was a zero-sum loss on the woman's side of things.

Long-time readers here will know women have a variety of reasons for engaging in sex, and a woman angling for a relationship with a man is only one of them.

I've spooled off women's various reasons for going to bed with men numerous times on Girls Chase before.

Today, however, I figured I'd put some numbers to them.

So, I dug up a 1999 study that examined women's motives for engaging in short-term sexual encounters, including:

  • One-night stands (sex on one occasion)

  • Flings (sex more than once with the same individual)

  • Casual sexual relationships like friends with benefits

I ranked the top 10 most common reasons women say they slept with a new man, and also pulled out a few interesting bonus reasons and looked at how they compare to the top 10.

Put your seatbelt on, because we're diving into the sultry world of female desire.

Afraid to Talk to Hot Girls? Know THESE 5 Key Things

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

afraid to talk to hot girlsAre you scared to talk to hot girls? Don’t chicken out for the best-looking chicks. Use these 5 keys to chat up THE hottest girls today. After all – they’re only girls!

On a recent article of mine, a reader named Johnny writes

Hey Chase,

I noticed something in my approach with girls and even socialize.

I tend to hit on girls that are not super cute rather than going for the ones I find really good looking.

It isn't that I'm intimidated by hotter girls. I've eliminated almost all of my approach anxiety. I can chat them up, flirt with them.

But when it comes to pursuing them, I don't. And after drilling my thoughts, I realised that it's really about the fear of failure.

This is a very common sticking point guys have, especially guys who are active socializers enough to recognize their own patterns.

If you're regularly out there meeting new women, you may come to realize you're doing something like this over time: only approaching the 'cute' ones, because you are afraid to talk to hot girls.

Like our commenter, it might not even be that you are intimidated by the girl herself, but that you anticipate failure with her, and fear that failure... or don't even see a point to trying, because you KNOW (or so you think) that of course you will fail.

So you might as well stick to going for the girls you can get.

Well, it might blow your mind, but hot girls go for all KINDS of guys, including guys just like you... at least some of the time.

How're you going to find a good-looking girl who'll go out with little ol' you?

Step number one is you've got to talk to her. Because without that, you'll never get beyond a glance and a smile.

What can you do to get yourself approaching those knockouts and stunners you see, instead of letting them walk on by?

There are five (5) things you need to know that, once you know them, will make being afraid to talk to hot girls, or being afraid to fail with good-looking girls, a part of your distant past.

3 Reasons Women Will Resist You (+ How to Artfully Persist)

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

persistance through resistanceWomen may resist a man’s romantic advances due to three (3) different causes: low compliance, FSD, or ASC. Identify which your problem is to get things moving again.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Previously I discussed how to persist and calibrate your persistence. You’ve learned how to use the different forms of persistence and when to use them. Today I’ll discuss how you can deal with resistance through persistence by persisting the right way.

You will typically have to persist when dealing with resistance. Persisting is a form of resistance, broken down into:

  • Lack of compliance – (or attraction, not to be confused with rejection). See this post for details. It goes over how to tell whether you are dealing with a form of resistance or an outright rejection.

  • Anti-Slut Defense (ASD) – her resistance against your sexual move. It’s grounded in her fear of feeling or being perceived by others (you included) as a slut. See this post for more information.

  • Female State Control (FSC) – her defense mechanism against getting emotional (aroused) without feeling that this is a good choice for her. See this post.

Ideally, the key is to persist by increasing her compliance toward you. If you are using the passive and the passive-active form of persistence, which involve compliance building tools such as breaking rapport/disqualification and social proof and jealousy plots that deal with the cause of her resistance, you will skyrocket her level of full-blown compliance, making your persisted attempts more likely to work.

But how does one deal with the causes of resistance presented last time? This is what we’ll discuss and clarify here.

I am not going to share anything new or groundbreaking. I am saying this now for transparency.

This post is a recap of previous posts and builds a bridge between different concepts to give you a clear idea of how everything fits together. It’s crucial for full understanding and is often overlooked. Many guys ask me to write posts adding different concepts in context to provide information about how they all fit into the bigger scheme. This is one of those posts.

Today’s post is for players of all levels, although the level of details may make it more suitable for intermediate and advanced players.

So first, a recap.

Should Men Have Open Relationships?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

should men have open relationshipsOpen relationships are an increasingly popular relationship setup. But should you as a man engage in them? It all depends on what you’re after.

I'm pretty familiar with the open relationship.

The open relationship has been linked with the seduction community, which I've been a part of since the tail end of 2005, more or less since its inception in the late 1990s.

Through my connection to it, I've watched countless men begin, engage in, and recommend to other men open relationships. I've seen guys transition their monogamous relationships to open relationships. I've listened to men proclaim that open relationships are the only workable long-term relationship solution and that "monogamy is dead" or "monogamy doesn't work."

Most of the OGs who stick around in the seduction community are open relationship guys -- there's a strong survivorship bias in online seduction community posting for being inclined toward open relationships. Which makes sense, right? If a guy's off in some long-term committed monogamous relationship he's not too likely to keep keeping up with a bunch of rapscallions sharing notes on tagging new tail.

Generally speaking, if you are in seduction, you will not usually get much of an alternate perspective from the open relationships cheerleading you'll see in the space coming from OGs.

It's the same in mainstream media, Reddit, and much of other social media in general. Here's an article in Vogue this month talking about "love's sharing economy" and declaring that open relationships (here dubbed 'consensual non-monogamy') are the next stage of romantic evolution -- a sort of inevitable future we will all be a part of, in a kind of joyously open sexual egalitarian utopia. Monogamy, according to the current sexual zeitgeist, is "boring", "stifling", "patriarchal", and "outdated"; non-monogamy is "progressive", "liberating", "egalitarian", and "modern." Non-monogamy is the way all the cool kids are doing long-term relationships these days! Right? Right?

The thing with open relationships folks don't tell you though is that this relationship configuration is:

  • Highly suited to SOME types of people over the long-term

  • Fun for OTHER types of people over the short-term only to degrade for them over the long-term

  • Simply unappealing altogether for a third chunk of people over either the short- or long-term

How do you know which camp you fall into?

Is the open relationship for you? Is it a joy and a liberation, a temporary dalliance, or a mistake?

Well, it's going to depend -- on you, on what you're after, and the way your life plays out.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Disruptor Destroyer

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

disruptor destroyerSo some guy wants to disrupt your conversation with a girl, either to talk to you or to take her for himself. If you can’t ignore him, what can you do? Destroy him!

Quick little tactic that absolutely wrecks anyone trying to butt into your conversation with a girl.

Every guy's been talking to a girl only to have some random dude rudely interrupt his conversation, either trying to talk to him or trying to talk to the girl.

Sometimes it's because the interloper is uncalibrated and just wanted to talk to you or her but did not know how to wait properly for an opening in the conversation to jump in.

Other times it may be because the interloper directly wants to steal your girl, and he's hoping to peel her off you, or to peel you offer her (either so his wingman can talk to her, or so he can back-turn you once he's gotten you to break circle and turn his attention to the girl, with you now out of the conversation).

My normal recommendation (and normal policy) is to just ignore the guy (see: Dealing with Disruptive Men).

Most guys won't be able to break into a conversation if you don't acknowledge them, especially if the girl is into you enough to follow your lead and ignore the guy so long as you're ignoring him too.

But what do you do if the guy is really loud, aggressive, and in your face?

What do you do if he approaches the girl first, and you can see she's about to crack and break circle to engage with him?

There's an alternate tactic you can use -- something of a disruption Plan B -- if you're quick enough on your feet.

I call it the 'Disruptor Destroyer'.

How to Deal with Opinionated People

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

opinionated peoplePeople have all kinds of aggressive, often ignorant opinions. About everything! To deal with this without losing your head, you must first put things into perspective.

Decidedly on the rise is the profusion of aggressively opinionated people.

You know, those people who will get in your face, flaunt their opinions at you and, with little manners or decorum, do their very best to bait you into either agreeing with them or outing yourself as one of 'the bad ones' who believes not as they do.

Regardless of your set of beliefs (on any of a range of items), you can probably agree that there are many of both the people who agree for the most part with you and those who really don't agree with you who hold rigid, inflexible opinions about a great many things.

If you're a critical thinker, you can probably also admit that most people -- even most of those who agree with you -- hold only shallow understandings of the positions they purport to hold, and are far more emotionally attached to their positions than they are logically secure in them.

This is a human tendency, to form emotional attachments to views, often with only a superficial eye cast toward any kind of objective underpinning of said views. Opinionated, impassioned, yet superficial arguments are annoying to everyone, but they're especially annoying if you're a critical thinker.

There's little worse for critical thinkers than to find oneself in a debate with someone demanding he unquestioningly accept the veracity of a flimsily-supported position or else be forever damned as evil incarnate (or perhaps just stupid, brainwashed, or uninformed).

This article won't be about any particular current events or hot button issues, and if you comment I'd urge you to keep to the spirit of that here too.

Instead, its focus is on dealing with opinionated people: both avoiding pointless entanglements with them as well as preserving your own sanity despite maddening insistence you agree to the unreasonable or be damned.

3 Ways Men Can Persist with Women

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

calibration persistenceThere are three (3) ways a man can persist with a woman: actively, passively, and with a mix of both flavors of persistence. He must calibrate his persistence for it to work, though.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

I have discussed calibration a lot lately. I wrote a series on basic calibration, covering these areas:

I followed up recently with advanced posts on calibration, addressing:

  • Information gathering

  • Managing arousal spikes (three posts)

Today I will add another layer to calibration: how you should persist with women.

Just how much should you push, and do you deal with her resistance? You can blindly press on until she says yes, without attempting to solve the root cause.

Sometimes things between you and a girl go smoothly on the first attempt.

Other times you will face some resistance (honestly, this happens more frequently when you are a beginner).

What causes resistance?

  • Lack of comfort or a social frame – she doesn’t feel it is right socially to hook up with you.

  • She fears feeling like a slut for being sexual around you or is afraid of being judged by others.

  • Lack of compliance (“attraction”) which you can increase by using many of the powerful tools we teach here).

Often, you can increase your chances by solving the issue at hand. If she feels a lack of comfort, set a strong social frame (show more rapport, make her invest in you, display higher social value, befriend her friends).

Next week, I will write a post about what tools to use to handle different types of resistance. I’ll focus on calibrating by using the right tools for each form of resistance.

But first, we need to discern the different forms of persistence. That is, different strategies of persistence. I’ll discuss the benefits of each and indicate when to use them.

This post is suited for seducers of all levels.

Women Need a Reason to Have Sex

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

women need a reason to have sexWomen need a reason for sex; men just need a place. So goes the saying… but why is this the case? Much of it has to do with the way women experience sexual arousal.

Comedians are often sources of soundbites of wisdom, wrapped up in humorous packaging.

I suppose it harkens back to the old saying that, "Many a truth is said in jest," eh?

Comedian Billy Crystal once made the following observation:

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

It's a funny little quote, that both makes an amusing "women are overly complicated / men are overly simplistic" jab at sexual dynamics yet also highlights an important truth.

The truth it highlights is that, indeed, women do not choose their sex partners or sexual situations the way men do. Women always need 'a reason' for physical intimacy to occur.