Fundamentals

Men who stand out in attractive ways attract far more women. There are many ways to stand out: peacocking, behavior, social proof, standout items, stages, and more.

In a previous article, I mentioned differentiating yourself with women who are used to being hit on all the time. A reader asked for more tips like this one might use to stand out with girls:

Hi chase but this concept of appearing different that in this case you do it through this technique for this type of woman how to do it in general and with different types of women? Or on women who are not like that you just have to build rapport, generate emotions and carry things forward?

It's a great question, because 'standing out' is a big part of what we do. If you can differentiate yourself from other guys... if you can stand out from the crowd and intrigue women... it makes the job of meeting and getting somewhere with girls much easier.

There are different ways a man can stand out, and guys will tend to focus on different ways to do it.

Which makes sense; if everyone tried standing out the same way, no one would actually stand out, right?

I'm going to give you the eight (8) most useful ways to differentiate yourself from the crowd.

Before we get to those ways to differentiate though, first we need to talk about standing out in general.

Without a map you’ll almost never reach an unfamiliar destination. If you want to succeed with women, you need a little navigation to get there.

What's your aim with women? Have you thought about it?

When you go out to talk to girls, are you just going out randomly or is there a purpose?

Do you go out to try some techniques, and maybe they work or maybe they don't, then you go out another day and try again?

Men who are successful improving rapidly with women walk a fine line between having clear intentions while remaining outcome independent. Most guys err too far on one side of the other of this.

You get guys who have clear intentions... but they get really attached to outcomes. Every outing is an emotional roller coaster ride as they deal with things going or not going their way (often for reasons outside their control).

Then you get guys who are outcome independent... but who have fuzzy intentions. They go out, talk to girls, don't take it personal when it doesn't go their way, but sort of hang about listlessly experimenting with this or that in an undirected way.

Mapping out your desired end goals with women and thinking it through clearly can be a big help to actually getting where you want to get go with girls.

Of course, you must build your map in the most useful way.

Many guys think giant muscles are the key to getting laid. But are they? Do hulking muscles turn you into a babe magnet… or are their effects subtler and more nuanced than this?

We had a commentator asking me the other day why I don't talk about physique more.

He thought it was because maybe if I admitted that big muscles were really the key to getting laid, I'd have to close down Girls Chase and start selling supplements.

After all... who needs to learn game when you can just get ripped?

Once you've got gigantic muscles, beautiful women just chuck themselves at you. Don't they?

Well... not exactly.

But he's right, I should talk more about physique.

However, like many things here, I'm going to give you a perspective you probably won't get elsewhere.

I'm not going to tell you physique doesn't matter. But I'm also not going to tell you you need to be on gear, lifting hard at the gym 3 hours every day, eating raw steaks for lunch, getting your delts and traps as ridiculous as possible.

Instead I'm going to tell you something else.

Alek’s recommended reading list. Included: books on philosophy and meaning, and a trove of tomes on sex, romance, and romantic relationships.

Hey everyone! I hope you’re all doing well.

Today I would like to share my reading list. Chase (part 1 | part 2) and Tony Depp (here) have done so in the past, and it’s time I joined the fold.

I usually read academic books that tend to be technical. Although some may be more challenging than others, which is good for you, none are on this list. I also read many scientific publications. I could write a separate article covering interesting papers that I like to read about sexuality and related subjects (within the theme of this site).

The books I am about to recommend are primarily related to the subjects of:

1. Dating

2. Sex

3. Relationships

Other books are about moral philosophy and political theory. They are interesting as they discuss themes like human nature and society.

If not directly related to our field, they can apply to the discussion. I will try to clarify how they tie in with what we look at here, although I will also leave ideas open for you to interpret and apply the theories as you please.

All books written by philosophers are academic with no pseudo-scientific literature. I’m not a fan of cheap self-help philosophy. There will be none of that here.

Without further ado, here is a list of my all-time favorite philosophy books.

The most attractive men stand out. But many men fear standing out too much; to do so is to invite criticism, exclusion, or attack. How do you stand out in positive ways, and not negative ones?

One of the biggest early revelations for me, and one I discussed with our charisma course, which we completed the launch for last week, was that by making myself stand out in various ways, all the way back in junior high school, I suddenly became much more attractive to women.

It wasn't like I became physically better looking, or taller, or more athletic. I'd only changed things like the way I dressed, my hair, my glasses, the way I walked and how fast, and other things. Then, suddenly, every junior high girl and her sister was chasing me for dates. The hottest cheerleaders in school asked me out, as did some cute regular girls (and a few not-so-cute girls too).

At the time I was totally struck by it and could not understand why suddenly I had become this object of fascination for my school's women. After all... I was this loner kid who read books too much, didn't play sports, and for years was considered the 'school nerd'. Why were all these pretty, popular girls chasing me?

Then it clicked for me that I had made myself stand out, in a variety of mostly attractive ways, and that was the reason why.

After that, I became obsessed with standing out. Everywhere I went, everything I did, I had to stand out -- and not just in any way, but in attractive ways.

This is a common thread I see in guys who get good with girls: they always stand out in a variety of attractive, visible ways. Some are ways they tweak their appearances and nonverbals (i.e., their fundamentals); some are ways they behave, and the things they say and do. But they all stand out. They are all recognizably different.

Likewise, I notice with guys who don't get good with girls there is an opposite common thread: they try to fully conform, keep their heads down, and not stand out. They fear standing out and will resist if you try to get them to do it. They will also exaggerate how much they stand out, both internally and to you, claiming they stand out a lot while to you and everyone else they barely stand out at all.

But if you want to get more women into you, and chasing you, and you also want more recognition from men, then you are going to need to stand out.

Dominant, sexually attractive men take up space in their environments and touch the things around them. They look cool, comfortable, and confident where they are.

I was at the gym yesterday (my condolences to those of you in areas where they have barred your gyms and locked you in your homes). In between workouts I was doing my usual arm movements to stay limber, or leaning on equipment/benches for a breather.

I noticed a lot of guys in between sets would just kind of stand around, or maybe sit somewhere. The effect was I ended up commanding more of the space around me than these guys commanded around them.

This wasn't something I was doing intentionally. I don't really care if people think I'm an ALPHA MALE in the gym. The gym I go to is fairly hardcore and there aren't a lot of women there (so it's not like I'll be picking up there... though I do also like gyms that are good for pickup).

The observation got me thinking about something I always tell guys to work on with their fundamentals, but hadn't talked about in a while: take up space and touch things in your environment.

This is something that all dominant men do, usually without thought.

It is a very visible cue to a man's personal feeling of comfort in and control over his environment. You can just look at whether a guy is doing this to very rapidly figure out how 'at home' he is wherever he is and whether he feels like it's 'his' environment.

Women look at this too, and it influences their attraction to you.

What goes into attractive male movement? Speed, deliberateness, 'interestingness', and more. And the more you add, the sexier your movement becomes.

Your movement style says a lot about you.