Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

What to Do When Your Approach Just Isn't Working

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

approach doesn't work
What do you do if you try to improve with women, but nothing seems to work? There are 8 reasons this happens – and you can beat them all.

Girls Chase has been around for almost nine years. We’ve collected hundreds of case studies, success stories, and testimonials over the years, both solicited and not, from guys about all the wild successes they’ve had with girls after finding this site. Our Field Reports board on the Girls Chase forums is a testament in its own right – just go through and read all the (probably thousands now) lay reports on the boards. But sometimes, guys struggle.

Kalyan, longtime reader (and coaching student of Hector Castillo’s) writes:

“Hello,

This is Kalyan, longtime GC fan, and I have a small issue. I am a rather good-looking guy, I’ve got some of my vibe as a man down and I don’t take shit from people. I have good style and I am not afraid to walk up to anyone.

I’m taking coaching from Hector and there are a bunch of things we’re working on (I’m good but not perfect!), but there is something which is sort of discouraging me.

Over the past 2 months I did around 150 approaches. I’d set goals and go at them. And typically I’d use direct openers. However, out of these 150 approaches (mostly day game), I was able to get 8 dates or so, and only like 4 make-outs (2 have been same night pulls).

Many girls would smile at me when I asked for their numbers and give these happily, only not to reply to my first text. This happened like 60 times. Other times I get “I have a boyfriend”. I would be frustrated at this, but when I go out, it’s a new day, I don’t carry it with me.

Now, most of the dates I got were girls who weren’t really sexually interested in me, which suggests that the girls who are interested in me sexually rejected me for not being sexual, so I have to be sexual. Got it, working on it. But my point is, it really doesn’t make sense to do such a huge number of approaches and not get any result at all – the sheer volume should be enough. I’m not saying that I “deserve” more; I know we need to improve, but something doesn’t add up here.

So I was thinking of:

– an article about “what it means when all your approaches don’t end in the bedroom” – or something similar

– advice or relevant articles on this subject (I’ll also cover this with hector).

Thanks”

Kalyan’s not the only one I’ve heard from recently about problems or frustrations. We’ve had guys both on the forums and who’ve left comments or emailed in recently to say they’ve been trying to use the material here and just aren’t able to get it to work. Some of these guys have been at it a few months; some of them say they have tried for years.

So let’s talk about what to do when things aren’t working the way you want them to work, expect them to work, or hoped they would work. This post is for the guys at risk of being left behind. The ones who’ve studied, labored, and sweated it out, but failed so far to achieve the results they want.

This article you’ve opened up is 12,000 words long. That makes it one of the five longest essays on Girls Chase as of writing (there are over 1500 articles on this website). It took me six hours to write, and another hour and a half to edit and proofread. I wrote it for two reasons: the first is because we need an article on here to be able to point guys to when they’re struggling. The second is because, while I cannot personally ensure every guy who comes here is going to succeed, I don’t want anybody failing who truly wants this. If you’re putting the work in, I want you to win. I want you to clear any hurdles and get the brass ring.

I can’t promise you this article will turn things around for you. Much of that is going to be up to you. If you and I knew each other in person, and I had enough time to spend with you, there’s a fair chance I could put you on my back and carry you to success. Yet there are tens of thousands of men who’d like me to do that for them, to only one me... and the one me there is is very busy. The best I can do at this point is outline the common problems, lay them all out for you, and hope that when you see them laid out here, some light bulbs go off for you, and the gears in your head start to turn again.

So let me do my best to shine more light on the pitfalls for those guys who are trying to climb their ways out.

Anyway, no further ado. Let’s dive in.

How to Recover from a Sexual Tension Break

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

sexual tension break
Sometimes the sexual tension just pops. Maybe her friend stepped in or a random guy said something. How do you get it back once it’s gone?

Hello again, guys. I hope you are doing well! Welcome to part five of my series on sexual tension.

In case you are just tuning in, here are the first four installments:

  1. Sexual Tension Basics: What is Sexual Tension?

  2. How to Create Sexual Tension with Women

  3. What to Do When She Giggles or Jokes (Hint: Don't Break Tension!)

  4. Create Comfort with Her, and Sexual Tension Comes Easy

In our fourth article, we discussed how to maintain sexual tension between you and your girl. This article will focus on how you can maintain the sexual tension in light of social context – that is, how to deal with “wildcards” when you are experiencing sexual tension.

Today I will divulge what I know about how to deal with social factors that can interfere with sexual tension, including her friends and the social world.

Without further ado, let us get right into it!

How to Date a Party Girl (If You So Dare)

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

how to date a party girl
Party girls are fun, but can be real handfuls. Want to date one anyway? Here’s everything you need to pull it off… As well as can be expected.

While I was visiting my hometown after a long tour through Europe, I decided to hit up an ex-girlfriend. Since our sex was always great, we stayed friends after multiple breakups... and she was bisexual, so I decided that we should set up a threesome together. We’d done it before and it was hella fun, so why not again?

We spent the next week matching with girls on Tinder and contacting anyone we knew. We had a few YESs, but they fell through for some reason or another. It was around the holidays, so most girls who were down were going to be out of town and wouldn’t get back until after I’d already gotten out of Dodge. I personally had a lot of “I like you but I don’t want to share you” messages. Those were nice.

Eventually, the night came and we decided to go out and find our prey together.

Awesome, right?

We meet up, shag a few times, drink a bit, then head out to the bars. We talk to a few girls and both make out with some (and almost pull), but half way through our second pull attempt, she starts getting super aggressive with the girl. If it was a guy doing it, he’d be considered creepy, but she’s a hot girl, so it’s more funny than anything.

After this scene, I watch her stumble up to random girls and get totally blown out. She comes back to me, defeated.

“That girl totally ignored you, chica.”

“Yeah, she’s a bitch.”

“Haha, oh really? Well guess what – welcome to my world. This is how guys get laid.”

“Yeah, it fucking sucks.”

Tactics Tuesdays: The 5-Second Kiss

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

five second kiss
The 5-second kiss lets you kiss her as soon as you meet her. It’s fun, it’s quick, and it starts things off with a bang (or a smooch).

This is a fairly niche tactic. But it’s still worth knowing (and still fun).

The way the 5-second kiss works is this: you see a girl, beckon her over or pull her over to you, draw her in, and kiss her. And you do so in about five seconds.

You can use this in bars and nightclubs, on the street during the day, or anywhere. Here’s the catch: it only works on girls who are ‘in the mood’ for it, and it only works when you are ‘in the mood’.

The reason you’d do this is for a fun start to an interaction, to break up an otherwise monotonous outing for yourself, or just to feel more ‘alive’ when you’re out at the bar (or wherever). Also, if you’ve never done this, it’s worth doing once, due to the limitation-shattering it provides.

This is not necessarily something you will do to raise your odds of success with the girl in particular you use it with. Though it can sometimes lead to a hookup.

Instead, this is something you use for the pleasure of it, the momentum of it, or to let yourself see what you can do.

“How Can I Get to the Sex Part?”

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

strategic thinking
If things aren’t going right, it’s easy to stress out and panic with a girl. But to succeed with her, you must remain level headed.

This is one of the more difficult topics to write about, because it’s one hard to not have folks adopt an extreme position on. People (though surely not you, Dear Reader) read stuff on the Internet and adopt extreme positions all the time, because it’s hard to judge context from words on a screen. No tone, no subtext.

One example of this is the mantra move faster. Most men don’t move anywhere near fast enough most parts of their courtships. And pretty much every guy could stand to move faster on something. Yet not every guy takes this advice the right way. Some hear “move faster” and start to rush themselves (which you shouldn’t do).

Other men hear “move faster” and speed up parts of their courtships they already move plenty fast on, while they ignore the areas most in need of acceleration. Maybe a guy runs his interactions up to the point of the phone number exchange at a perfect speed, but then on his dates he takes way too long. So he decides to speed up his early interactions to try to get phone numbers even faster, while hardly tweaking his date speed... the end result being he messes up the part he had right, while failing to improve on the part he had wrong.

Obviously, we don’t want you doing stuff like this, where you fix what isn’t broken and leave broken what is.

So today, I want to talk about the “I’ve got to get to X!” reaction. This reaction gets into your head and pushes you to find a way to make X – whatever X is – happen as fast as possible. Often X is sex, as in, “Come on, I’ve got to kill this boring conversation before she loses interest and get this girl to sex!”

The cautionary note is going to be this: we need to get you to continue to move things forward toward sex, without having you completely hung up on trying to figure out how to make forward progress toward sex. The objective here is not to strip you of the goal of “sleep with this girl” and get you into some kind of aimless “just talk to girls and feel good” mindset. You will still have the aim of bedding girls.

Rather, the objective of this essay is to get you to realize unhelpful thoughts mid-seduction, and turn them in a more productive direction.

5 Secrets from The Alabaster Girl

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

alabaster girl
Zan Perrion’s book The Alabaster Girl contains masterful philosophy on women. Here are 5 of its most stand-out points.

There is a beast in this world who walks around in the form of a man.

He doesn’t advertise himself too much, but he has been a constant yet subtle presence ever since the seduction community came out of the basement. This subtlety and grace speaks even more to his level of mastery.

He has been dedicated not to fame, glory, or riches (all of which he deserves), but to his passion: to be the greatest lover of women the world has ever seen.

His name... is Zan Perrion.

And if you navigate the treasure room that is his book,

The Alabaster Girl, you will quickly discover that he is in contention for the title he seeks.

When you first encounter the flow of Zan’s prose in The Alabaster Girl, you may think you’ve stumbled upon an 18th century poet’s lost writings.

This is a mistake, and one he addresses in his videos about the book (and if you have trouble understanding his sometimes-cryptic language, especially if you’re still inexperienced, these videos will help clarify his thoughts):

Zan is anything but a hopeless romantic. If you’re experienced with women, you will see how the dark truths of male and female sexuality tinge the edges of each page and fill his flowery prose with rustic realism. He will say something so nonchalantly that if you simply gloss over it, you’ll miss how darkly beautiful it is, and how true.

Or, if you’re familiar with his old mASF forum postings, you will know personally how much of a scoundrel he is (a charge he accepts in the opening pages of his book). Eighty-nine lays in one year, cuckolding Johnny Depp in a nightclub, dating and living with two girls who are best friends... he is no saint, and that’s why he knows women and truly loves them. He embraces both the darkness and the light of the world, both of the masculine and the feminine.

Once you get to the chapter on his early childhood, you will understand. You will know his grit, his darkness, and therefore the true breadth of his light, because of that darkness.

And you will know his deep, abiding love for women. Reading of his longing for women was like reading my own confessions of unconditional love toward women.

I could write an entire book on what I learned from his book, but we’re going limit this post to the first five secrets that resonated with me upon my now third reading.

How to Screen for a Wife and Mother

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

screen for a wife
Beyond dates and girlfriends, what should you look for in a wife? 6 things: genes, background, personality, beliefs, age, and life goals.

Bit of a departure from our usual fare, but commenting on “Why Madonna/Whore is Intimately Linked with the West”, Jimbo asks:

“What kind of girl and where to find it? Now what I want is a girl who isn’t too keen on working or a career, because: 1) I don’t see myself changing diapers or nurturing babies and little children except on rare necessary occasions, 2) if she’s gonna do all that with seven or more kids, keep the house tidy, and put food on the table, she obviously has to not work. Basically I’d just do the providing and the steering of the ship, and she’d take care of the nurturing and keeping the ship tidy.

But besides wanting the girl to be markedly younger than I am and be somewhat malleable and a follower (at least to me), I still don’t have a clear picture for what kind of girl to look for for that role. Do I cradle-rob one from high school? Or take a high school dropout because I’ll be sure she won’t want a career? But at the same time, isn’t it better to have a mother with some academic literacy to keep up with the kids’ education? Your thoughts on this one would be much appreciated.”

So, today, we’ll be talking about picking a wife.

I will kick off by recommending you always have you wife-screening (or, alternately, mother-of-my-children screening) default to ‘on’. The chief two reasons are to not miss great girls, and to not get trapped by the wrong girls.

Getting trapped is what happens to most men who don’t default to ‘on’ with their wife-screening. Which is the majority of men. Most men say, “Ah, I’ll never get married,” or, “Maybe I’ll get married, but it won’t be until years and years from now,” and then they meet a girl they kind of dig, date her for a while, and marry her (see: “Why People Settle Down: The 3-Step Settling Curve”). All the while they’ve never actually screened her, and she may not be a good fit for marriage with them (or marriage with anyone).

Missing great girls is what happens when a guy meets a girl he clicks with, but fails to realize what a find she is because he doesn’t screen her right away, and so doesn’t push as hard as he could have to be with her, and ultimately doesn’t get her. She might’ve been the perfect wife for you (or at least a top flight girlfriend), but some other guy gets to date her now because you let her go too easily.

If your heart is twisted up in knots and you’re screaming, “No Chase! I never want to be married! Don’t say it!”, well, I urge you to read on anyway. Forewarned is forearmed. And you might just find you’re less likely to fall into a marriage than most men who swear they don’t want it and will never do it (the majority of whom eventually marry despite their protests – though, because they are unprepared for it, their marriages tend to be much more on the girls’ terms instead of on their own).

Create Comfort with Her, and Sexual Tension Comes Easy

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

it's on moment
You can build comfort to better help maintain sexual tension. When comfort’s too low, tension dissipates. But with comfort? It lasts.

Hey guys, and welcome back.

As you may know, I am currently writing a series on sexual tension. This is the 4th post so far, and I really recommend you check out the previous posts before reading this one. But even if you don’t, you’ll still find this post very useful on its own.

Previously we have discussed:

  • The theoretical groundwork of what sexual tension is (part 1)

  • How to generate sexual tension (part 2)

  • How to maintain sexual tension by increasing the actual tension (part 3)

In this post, we will discuss maintaining the tension by focusing on building comfort with the girl you are experiencing sexual tension with. Previously we discussed how women tend to release sexual tension because of a low level of comfort compared to the level of tension. The solution proposed was to increase the tension so high that she lets go of her discomfort.

Today we will focus on increasing the comfort level. If you can manage both the tension parameter and the comfort parameter, you are technically in full control!

Mighty Inner Game | 82 Minute Podcast with Dr. David Tian

Varoon Rajah's picture

By: Varoon Rajah

In this episode of Dating Mechanics, I talk with Dr. David Tian, PhD holder, founder of Aura Dating Academy, and good friend of our own Chase Amante for over 10 years.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Give Her Orgasmic Phone Sex (10 Steps)

Davi Diluna's picture

By: Davi Diluna

phone sex
Phone sex isn’t just a great deal of fun, it makes getting actual sex with her easier, too. These 10 steps let you give her the best phone sex of her life.

Do you ever use phone sex?

Don’t laugh if it sounds cheesy at first. “It’s not real sex”, I know.

But here’s the thing: phone sex has a lot of uses. And one of them is to make dates fly by with girls you haven’t had sex with yet, and make that actual penis-in-vagina sex happen a whole lot faster with far fewer roadblocks.

In this article, I’m going to tell you exactly how to pull phone sex off. And I’ll tell you the many uses of it, too.

Aside from that though, I’m also going to give you some real cautionary notes… Because just as phone sex can speed up her path into your bed, it can speed up her path into ANOTHER man’s bed instead, if you use it in the wrong way and at the wrong time.

Due to some of the trickiness of the technique, I recommend this one only for intermediates on up.

Preface aside, let’s dive into phone sex, see how to use it, what it’s used for, and some of the things you can do with it.