Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

When you run into a girl you know socially at a bar, club, or party, you may want to pick her up. But first, you must check whether conditions are RIPE…

This article was inspired by a recent forum thread. In it, our forum member knew a girl through social circle who seemed to like him. She’d give him ‘strong eye contact’ and ‘a little smile’ each time he saw her, but he never spoke to her, and she stopped showing up in his social circle.

Later on, he found her at a bar she bartended at. Here’s what happened:

In a bar we made a little chit-chat and she was really happy when we talked. But it was too loud there for long conversation, too many people and she was really busy. So I decided to ask her out, well because that was maybe my only chance. She blew me off.

We haven’t talked since then, but I occasionally see how she stares at me.

Maybe I overthink things.

The truth was, he’d declined to chat her up in a safe venue (the social circle) and opted for a much riskier one (the bar she bartended at, while she was busy and on the clock). That was the biggest mistake.

But it isn’t always a mistake to pick up on social circle girls at bars and parties. Sometimes it backfires. But sometimes it helps! Sometimes the girl who’s ambivalent toward you in social circle may be forward and uninhibited with you when you encounter her in nightlife. Other times it’s the opposite – girls who really liked you in social circle go ice cold with you in nightlife.

The difference is understanding which are safe ways to pick up girls from your social circle at bars and parties, versus which are risky ways to do so.

A ‘no-spiral’ is a way to get a girl to undermine her own objection – by getting her to say “no” to one absurd question about her objection after another.

What do you do when a girl gives you a somewhat tough objection that you nevertheless know is not impenetrable? For instance, she tells you something like:

• “I think I’m probably too old for you, don’t you think?”

• “I’m not really dating right now, if that makes sense.”

• “My friends asked me to wait here and not go anywhere.”

• “I’m seeing a guy non-seriously but I don’t think he’d like me going out with anyone.”

Well, you can try to debate with her, but that won’t get you much of anywhere. Debating women is not usually seductive. You can try teasing her, but that doesn’t address her objection, and won’t normally go anywhere either.

What you can do instead to fly past her objections and free her to comply is to create and use a “no spiral” – a nifty little technique that gets her refuting her own objections.