Males of every animal species must practice and learn courtship rituals before they’re able to mate. The art of learning to court is a ubiquitous one – it is not human-only! Images created with Craiyon.I’m reading a truly fascinating, mind-expanding book right now entitled The Mating Mind.
Going out to meet women? The nightlife venue you choose has a big impact on your odds. Meet markets are good for lower level playboys, but at elite levels, selective is where it’s at.Hey guys, welcome back. Today I’ll discuss night game.
Table of Contents
As you know, venue selection is a crucial part of night game. Selecting the wrong venue (whether it’s not suited for you and your game or just a poor choice) will greatly affect your night and may determine whether your night is successful—or not.
I have written plenty on venue selection and calibration, so I will not repeat myself here.
Today I’ll compare the differences between selective clubs and typical “meet markets.” Which places are the best for pick up? I’ll go over the pros and cons of both types.
Many men dislike more selective places because they can be intimidating. Some men perceive that girls are harder to get there. Some of these girls tend to be more beautiful and seem more reserved. They do not seem to openly flirt or show a sexual vibe.
On the other hand, the typical meet markets tend to have a sexual vibe and girls may be more sexually open and willing to flirt. More importantly, the places are far less intimidating.
So, which places are the best? Most guys starting out in night game tend to favor typical meet markets. Beginners usually go to those venues—the same with intermediate guys. We will get to why that is shortly.
Elite night gamers tend to favor selective venues. There are some exceptions to the rule, but generally, the exceptions are good reasons for not sticking to the norm.
You’re hooking up with girls but it just feels so… empty. What’s the source of this hollowness? Have you outgrown hookups? Are women just too shallow? Actually… it’s something ELSE.Once you’ve put the work in to climb from unsuccessful with women to more and more successful, a funny thing can happen.
It begins as elation at your success: you’re doing it! You’re picking up girls! You’re having one-night stands!
You feel pride, because you’ve finally made it. You’re living the lifestyle you saw on TV or in the movies and imagined yourself living, but that always used to seem so out-of-reach.
Then you pick up another girl. Then another.
Something starts to bother you. It’s that… you just don’t feel a connection to any of these girls.
They’re just strangers you talk to, say/do the right things with, then have meaningless sex you don’t even enjoy all that much with. Then they leave. Maybe you could see them again after… but you don’t much want to.
You start to feel sour about the whole thing. Perhaps you’re picking up the wrong girls. Perhaps picking up in general is not really the right fit for you. In the back of your head you realized you were hoping for magical connections and memorable experiences, but you’re just not getting that, and you wonder if maybe it’s even possible to get with women… maybe it isn’t.
What you’re experiencing is something we might call ‘hookup detachment’: you’re hooking up, but you just don’t feel connected to any of these girls.
So what do you do?
What happens when a girl starts talking to you but you aren’t ready to talk? There must be a way to NOT blow this… well there is: with 3-step “chitchat jujutsu.”You’ve probably had this happen:
You went out somewhere, just in your head, not in much of a social mood.
Some girl then appeared out of nowhere, trying to get your attention, smiling, tapping you, telling you, “Hey!”
And you, stuck in your head, responded with a stiff, stilted, “Oh, hey. What’s going on?”
She said, “Not much! How about you?”
You stumbled through a few more awkward phrases. You could tell she liked you and wanted to see if she could get something going with you, but you were just too out of it.
Then the moment passed. She realized you weren’t going to do much of anything. So she left.
Damn, another layup missed, you think.
There must be a way to snap yourself to attention and shift into gear when unexpected “gimmes” like this fall into your lap – right?
When the strategy you’re using with a woman doesn’t work, you can keep trying variations of it… or you can switch things up, & be “strategically flexible.”Welcome back. In this series, we’ve previously discussed how to calibrate strategically. You can calibrate your technical choices depending on the situation. Many men who start getting good at this tend to apply the wrong technique to the wrong circumstance. They try to smash in a nail with a screwdriver: it works, but it requires extra work, and the results are not as good.
In our last article, we discussed understanding which technique to use and when.
Today’s post covers what to do when a technique does not work on a girl in certain situations. I came across this masterpiece by our own beloved Chase, who posted about this subject on the forums not long ago.
Instead of repeating everything Chase said, I decided to make this post a commentary on Chase’s original post while adding my contributions. All quotations are from Chase’s original post.
If she implies she’s rejecting you, it isn’t always over. Follow this guide to know when to walk away… versus when to draw out her true objection & overcome it.Not every rejection you get from a girl is explicit.
Many will be implicit.
Explicit rejections sound like this:
Implicit rejections, though, sound like this:
Implicit rejections are a double-edged sword: they’re considerate, because they allow you to exit the conversation while saving some face… yet at the same time they deny you a clear objection to counter and can at times feel more like you’re bailing due to lack of skill or social pressure than due to rejection.
This article will be about when to push through implicit rejections and seek a true objection you can counter to improve your prospects with the girl, versus when to simply accept the implied rejection and walk away.
Lying is one of those things people get really irate about at times.
Everybody does. Guys do when girls do it. Girls get really upset about guys doing it to them, too.
This is just a human thing… telling lies… yet SOME people do it a lot more than OTHERS.
How do you know if the girl you’re talking to is as honest as they come… or if she’s a conniving little scamp?
Furthermore, why DO girls lie – and is there anything you can do to dissuade them from it?
Your luck surface area is the amount you expose of yourself for “lucky events” to happen. Men who open themselves up to more seductive luck enjoy more seductive “lucky breaks.”Luck plays a role in everything. In seduction, your passive attractiveness (fundamentals) and skill with women and the mating process (game) have a huge impact on your success.
Nevertheless, there is still always going to be luck involved: you have to stumble into a girl you like, she has to be at least somewhat open to having something happening with you, she must be logistically available to have something happen, and you need to avoid any seduction-killing wild cards (and if you’re fortunate, luck into some seduction-enhancing ones).
There are all manner of things that impact your “ability to be lucky”:
Perhaps your favorite venue just shut down for repairs (luck = lowered)
Perhaps a friend texts to invite you to a wild, girl-filled after party (luck = raised)
Perhaps your wingman’s out of town and you’re not good at solo (luck = lowered)
Perhaps you get off at the wrong metro station and discover this one crawls with good-looking women (luck = raised)
But you don’t really have control over random events like this… right?
As a matter of fact, there’s a neat concept known as “luck surface area” that you may or may not have heard of.
This concept is simple: one can increase one’s luck by increasing the ‘surface area’ one exposes for fortunate events to occur.
If that sounds abstract, worry not, for we’re going to make it a lot more concrete.
A big part of calibration is deploying the right tactics for the right situations. You must be able to tailor the way you talk to girls & what you do with them to contexts.Hey guys, and welcome back.
Today, I’m continuing on the topic of calibration and will focus on strategic calibration: knowing what technique to use and when. Sometimes what you should do is clear: X happens, so you apply solution A. But sometimes, it is not straightforward, and this is what I will shed some light on with this article.
Calibration is not something you can describe fully with words. It isn’t easy to teach because you can only learn calibration through field experience since it relies on you making calls depending on multiple variables. Nevertheless, I hope this and future posts will facilitate your learning process.
I’ll discuss what strategy you should rely on and when by going through different contexts. Next week, we will discuss how to tackle various forms of resistance and calibrate accordingly. I doubt this post will cover many new techniques for the most seasoned reader. However, it can serve as a recap or shed some new light on current knowledge.
What to do and when to do it has been covered in the past, for instance:
Posts about venue calibration: what strategies to use in different venues with varying social dynamics. Should you opt for social proof-based game? Verbal game? Non-verbal game? Physical plus light verbal game? It depends on the venue. This information should serve as THE starting point in your overall strategic assessment (keep in mind that events may cause you to change strategy as your outing progresses).
Posts about factors to focus on at different interaction phases. For instance, during the early phases, you should focus on opening successfully, hooking, and finally isolating. This post covers more on this dimension and builds on things we’ve discussed in the past (although we will go more in-depth today).
She broke your heart before. But now she wants to get back. Should you do it? Here are 9 reasons why you should NOT get back together with an ex-girlfriend.I’ve authored several immensely popular articles on how to get a girl back and how to get your girlfriend back. Both of these articles have been read millions of times apiece.
Nevertheless, I have consistently made my opinion on the topic clear over the years: do not take your ex-girlfriend back. Just don’t do it.
People being what they are, of course, there’ve probably been many more men desperately putting the strategies I share in those articles to use than there are considering the reasons to NOT use them. What can I say… people hate that feeling of “losing stuff.” Ex-girlfriends included.
Commenting on my article about easing your own guilty conscience after you break a girl’s heart, reader yseult asks about what reasons there are to not take an ex-girlfriend back:
Chase,
Could you write an article on the reasons not to get back with an ex-girlfriend?
I know you've written a lot on the subject already, usually emphasizing that there's always a better girl out there, so there's no need to get back the ex.
But could you explore the bad things that happen when you get back with an ex, other than limiting yourself from more beautiful women?
Like, if you get back together, is it as magical as it was?
How about if she's been with other men in between, does it affect how she perceives you? Does she submit as she used to?
I'm asking from a perspetive of a guy who's wonderful girlfriend broke up with him on the grounds that her mom will never accept a brown guy (kazkahs can be racist)
I agreed and moved on.
But now she contacted me again. She says she misses what we had, the guy she's seeing now is nothing compared to what we had. Basically, I was the best guy she's ever been with (and actually executed all of the points in your article quite naturally)
It was a blast to be with her. I do miss her.
But I also have a gut feeling it won't work.
yseult’s gut feeling is most likely right – it probably won’t work.
But gut feelings can be hard to listen to when powerful primal urges are dragging you back toward something your gut is telling you is best avoided.
To better arm you to listen to your gut – instead of your sex drive, scarcity, or loneliness – I’m going to lay out the nine (9) most important reasons to not take back an ex-girlfriend (or ex-wife, for that matter).
