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Chase
Yesterday on my way home, the bus I was riding on came to a stop with lots of young people – in particular, lots of young college age-looking women. My interest, needless to say, was piqued. As I sat in my seat, I watched everyone board the bus out of the corner of my eye… and then, I caught sight of a cute girl dressed very fashionably coming down the aisle. Ooh.
Now, when you’re already settled in somewhere, there aren’t a whole lot of ways you can get a woman to join you proactively. You might call out to her, of course – but this is chasing pretty hard and can hurt your chances, and you’ve probably got to be feeling rather bold to do it. If you are, and you want to try it, go for it; I wasn’t yesterday, but I still wanted that cute girl to take a seat next to me.
So I pulled out my trusty ol’ come hither eyes.
Women have a thirst for the untameable man. That’s why the rugged, hard-living, macho guy who’s a bit of a loner and whom no one seems to understand is so exciting for women, and why the sensitive, attentive nice guy that society seems to keep wanting to shepherd men into being is so boring.
Just like men don’t want a woman who’s easy too easy to bed, women don’t want a man who’s too easy to wrassle into a relationship. If he’s so easy to get into a relationship, women figure about the quick-to-commit man, he must not have a whole lot of options.
And chances are, they’re probably right. Men with lots of options naturally are difficult to pin down. Getting them to quit the bachelor’s life and give up those freedoms they’re so used to enjoying requires a woman more exceptional than they are accustomed to having, or a tiring of the playboy lifestyle – or perhaps a combination of the two. But sooner or later, most men settle down.
And then things go fine for a while. The lucky girl who convinces that untameable man to be saddled is ecstatic at her prize; she got the guy every other girl couldn’t get. She was the one who was good enough to get him.
Because believe it, just like men tend to take things personally and resent women who won’t sleep with them as judging them unworthy for intimacy, so do women tend to feel slighted by men who won’t have relationships with them, feeling as though they’ve been told they’re not good enough for the man to give up pursuing other women. So when a woman gets a man to settle whom other women failed to, she feels especially accomplished and victorious.
But just like all victories, with time this one fades in importance and exuberance. Eventually, it becomes an accepted fact: “Well, of course we’re together. How else would it be?”
And when the dust settles, and the excitement slips away, we’re left with one chilling scenario:
The man has passed a commitment point.
Short post, but one I don’t think needs a lot of explaining to get the point across.
A guy meets a girl on the street. He likes her; she seems to like him. They talk for fifteen minutes or so and get along just fine. He feels like he ought to do something more with her… but he isn’t sure what, exactly. So, he asks her for her phone number, tells her it was great meeting her, and the two part ways.
Chances are, they never see each other again.
Sure, maybe they do, but odds are they don’t. How many of the phone numbers you take turn into lovers? Even if your follow-up is amazing, your conversion rate of numbers-to-lovers is doubtfully any higher than 20% – maximum. And if your follow-up is anything short of amazing, expect a conversion rate substantially lower.
“Consistency” has long been a focus of mine – I tend to be a very busy person with a lot going on, and I want to make things as consistent as possible, to operate as efficiently as possible. Nothing bugs me more than wasting a lot of time on something – including getting girls.
So one of the things I’ve looked for is this: what are the most consistent places to meet women and take them home from?
Nightclubs are good. Lounges are better. But there’s one avenue of meeting women I’ve found that’s more consistent and reliable than anything else:
Even the best run relationships get sticky from time to time, and even the most stable, emotionally steadfast women occasionally resort to making accusations.
Accusations are themselves a very hazy area – what’s the best way to deal with them? How do you deal with a woman who yesterday was crazy about you today calling you cold? What do you do when a girl lashes out and charges you with not caring about her? How do you handle when a woman accuses you?
Something I like prescribing for newer guys as a very low-pressure but high-impact and really quite easy opener is something I’ve begun referring to as “Indirect Direct”, for lack of a better term.
Your run of the mill, general indirect opening – or, engaging a woman in conversation under pretenses other than that you’re interested in her – is a common choice among men. It feels less scary and less like the man is putting himself on the line.
It’s also far less effective than your run of the mill, general direct opening.
Women respond best to men who state – either explicitly or implicitly – their interest. Men using indirect do not do this. And, while they may not realize that women realize what they’re doing, unless a girl is completely clueless, chances are she probably does. And the man looks less for having masked his interest. He looks scared.
There’s a dreadful mistake that many men new to seduction make, and that is the mistake of trying to make women monkeywrench themselves into the man’s conversation, or apartment, or bed. For obvious reasons, the more difficult it is for a woman to get together with a man, the less likely it is to happen. And many men make things quite difficult.
This seems to be due mostly to inexperience and uncertainty on how to proceed. Certainly, if a man hasn’t been with many women, and hasn’t had many experiences of guiding a woman down the path toward the two of them becoming intimate together, there’s going to be much that’s foggy, hazy, and downright confusing for him.
And when things are foggy, hazy, and downright confusing, people tend to fumble around, show their inexperience, and be tentative and look for support.
Talking today with an acquaintance of mine, we got to commenting on a couple we both knew and how they’d recently gotten together. The girl is a prim, proper girl who is more concerned with clothes and makeup than anything else, and the guy is a little bit of a rough-and-tumble cat from a poorer part of the world – but he’s pretty cocky and self-assured. My acquaintance was surprised the two of them ended up a pair; I wasn’t. “The bad girl got the bad boy,” I said, and he laughed and said that was a good way of putting it.
Maybe my mind was already working that way because of an article I read earlier today on Slate Magazine, called “Freaks, Geeks, and Economists: A study confirms every suspicion you ever had about high-school dating.” The article discusses a study in which, among other things, the term assertive mating is mentioned. Slate defines assortative mating as the tendency of individuals to select for mates similar to themselves; I did a quick look-up on Wikipedia to confirm. The tendency of individuals to select similar mates is known as positive assortative mating; individuals who select for dissimilar traits are referred to as practicing negative assortative mating.
I’ve just begun some very preliminary outlining for what I intend to be an audio CD product I’ll be releasing hopefully early 2011, to follow on the heels of How to Make Girls Chase, which ought to be coming out sometime in December if everything continues according to plan. The audio project is tentatively titled “Spellbinding”, and it’ll focus on how to connect rapidly with women and get out of something I call treading water – getting stuck in that maddening no-man’s land where you just can’t find anything interesting that you have in common with a girl to talk about, and you can feel her slipping away by the minute. If there’s one thing that drove me crazy for years, it was probably that.
Spellbinding was originally set to be my second audio product; I was going to focus first on one on targeting and figuring out which girls are likely to be most receptive to you. But after talking working with the topic of connecting and getting out of “treading water” with a good guy recently, I started feeling like this is probably an area that a lot of guys could benefit from some help on, so I’m pushing the schedule on Spellbinding up.
The same cool cat I spoke with about this topic sent me a follow up email with the following question:
