The Importance of Making Your Intentions Clear

Hey y'all

Chances are, if you're reading this post, you're a complete newb at this pick-up stuff. (Just like me!) And if you're a complete newb at this pick-up stuff, chances are, you've lost women because you didn't make your intentions CLEAR OR STRAIGHTFORWARD. I know, because I have been there (and I still am there!)

The purpose of this post is two-fold: to inform you all of my experiences on this topic, and to get you guys to offer your advice and opinions.

So what do I mean when I say clear or straightforward? Well, taking the general idea behind GirlsChase posts like Moving Faster, Being a Sexy Man or What Regular Guys Don't Understand, the whole point of making your intentions clear with a girl is to reduce confusion and get her into bed ASAP. (Of course, if that IS your intention in the first place...and if you're on this forum, I'm assuming it is.) For example, you don't want to be all friendly toward a girl if your intention is to sleep with her quickly; the longer you put on the friendly vibe, rather than the sexy vibe, the more difficult it is going to be to escalate things later because you're going to be confusing her! You know, they'll say things like "You're so sweet but I just see you as a friend!" Ugh...we've all heard that one. I believe the opposite is true as well; don't expect to have a girl take you seriously as a boyfriend if all you two do is shag.

Realize I say clear, NOT OBVIOUS... You want your intentions to be subtly understood by your potential lover so as to maintain a level of mystery and intrigue but still keep things moving forward!

My problem is I tend to either send the wrong message with my actions or I am too blunt.

An example of the former problem: I hooked up with a cute girl at a party who I ended up having great chemistry with, so I took her out on a date a few days later. It quickly became obvious that she just wanted something casual and by taking her out on a date, I freaked her out. She went cold on me soon after. (The whole point of the date was to keep the casual hooking up going, but by taking her out, it made her think my intentions were more serious. Newb mistake.)

An example of the latter problem: The other day I was flirting with a girl in my dorm who seemed to show interest in me. I tried escalating things quickly by being sexual, but I just ended up being too obvious. Needless to say it was a turn-off.

I realize my fundamentals and my vibe play A HUGE role in this, but that is something I'm working on right now anyway.

What kind of other stuff can you guys add on to this topic? Also, how can I begin to tackle my problems? (mainly the latter)

Hey Nick,

Welcome - great to see you on the boards.

Thoroughly solid point you've raised here - this one is absolutely crucial to where a lot of newer guys go wrong. A lot of it's fear-based; e.g., "If I let her know I like her, maybe she'll reject me / won't like me / won't talk to me!" So a guy tries to fly in under the radar, figuring he has more time to show his good qualities if she doesn't know his intentions yet... or, he wants to wait for the "right moment." What ends up happening though is the girls who were interested in him get annoyed and disappear, and the ones who are left are the ones who just want a platonic guy friend. Oops...

Anyway, the fact that you're erring too far on the "overly blunt" side is great - you'll be able to get a lot more clear data ("Yes, she likes me" / "Oops, I came on to strong") where a guy erring too far on the "not clear enough" side only has confusion ("Did she like me, then not like me? Or did some other guy come along? Or was I too slow... or too fast? What happened?"). You'll be able to advance a lot more quickly.

Nick said:

Also, how can I begin to tackle my problems? (mainly the latter)

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You'll figure this out as you do it. That's the great thing about pushing limits - the guys who never go over the limit never learn where those limits are (could be 100 miles away for all they know, but they're hesitant to try). Whereas, when you push them and go over them, you learn FAST EXACTLY where they are.

One suggestion you can play around with: see if you can translate talking about sex into communicating sex with your vibe / nonverbals / voice tone. Then you can say stuff like, "What are you TALKING about... I only want to be your FRIEND," in tones dripping with sexuality, and she'll say, "Riiiiiight..."

Chase

Chase, you have good advice here, but I do have one question. I am in college, so any gaming that I do will be almost completely social circle game. Because it is a small school, I have my reputation to worry about. Of course, as I become better at this, It will be easier to shape my reputation to suit me, but I don't want to end up as the socially stunted wannabe player on campus. This problem is further compounded as I am the only open atheist on campus (at a Southern Baptist School. I have another question regarding this topic that I will post in the next day or two). So, my question is, how do I strike that balance between being straightforward yet subtle without completely ruining my reputation?

Hey TE,

Thinkingenigma said:

Chase, you have good advice here, but I do have one question. I am in college, so any gaming that I do will be almost completely social circle game. Because it is a small school, I have my reputation to worry about. Of course, as I become better at this, It will be easier to shape my reputation to suit me, but I don't want to end up as the socially stunted wannabe player on campus. This problem is further compounded as I am the only open atheist on campus (at a Southern Baptist School. I have another question regarding this topic that I will post in the next day or two). So, my question is, how do I strike that balance between being straightforward yet subtle without completely ruining my reputation?

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There's the rub, isn't it?

The thing about improving is you've got to push limits, but if you're in a small community where you possibly suffer ill consequences if you push those limits too far, you might not be able to afford pushing those limits.

Most of the people you'll see who get good within the context of small social circles are "naturally good" because they have enough advantages that they can push limits without worrying much about the consequences. e.g., the popular jock who has women all over him and can afford to be a little too much of a dick because women will still want him anyway and guys still won't mess with him.

The best you can do within the context of a small social circle without pushing the limits too much is going "inch by inch." There's a good chance you go crazy in the process though (like I sort of did doing the same thing in high school).

An alternative recommendation might be to focus on skill-building and use that to differentiate yourself inside the small community. For instance, you might make yourself the guy known for X, where X is something at least somewhat flashy and interesting and captivating to girls. That gets you closer to the jock's position, where you can afford to push the limits a little bit more and boosts up some of your natural attraction. Essentially, work on fundamentals that'll make you more compellingly attractive, and work on building up some differentiation about yourself, as those give you more leeway with how you come across.

Probably not the answer you're looking for, but that's why social improvement in anonymous urban arenas is still a relatively new undertaking; it wasn't available for the vast majority of human history, where you were pretty much stuck where you were in your social circle from childhood unless you developed some standout talent, position, or ability.

Small schools are great if you start off with a bang, but you can be trapped in a bad position if everyone gets to know you and they don't know you as something great. I don't know what year you're in, but depending on your position, options like changing schools or simply focusing on stuff you CAN work on now (e.g., fundamentals, skill-building) until you graduate and make it to the big city might be the best choice.

Chase

for me it is not entirely clear how to make intentions clear. i mean i read the post about it but opening like "i saw you standing there and i have to tell you have the sexiest set of legs all night. Im Chase." or sg similar seems quite obvious to me..

on the other hand there is a george clooney movie, out of sight where there is an absolutely top notch (in fact depressively perfect) scene where clooney picks up j lo:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Te4G4EGjidM

its obvious too but not THAT obvious and to me this seems far better - but at the same time far more difficuly. so whats the good approach?

Hey stratvm,

The clip with Clooney and Lopez is fantastic, I hadn't seen that one before. Really, really good.

stratvm said:

for me it is not entirely clear how to make intentions clear. i mean i read the post about it but opening like "i saw you standing there and i have to tell you have the sexiest set of legs all night. Im Chase." or sg similar seems quite obvious to me..

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A lot of it's about your nonverbal communication. If you watch that clip with Clooney you shared, Clooney never says he's interested, but the implication - from the intense gaze, the flirtatious smiles and facial expressions, the intimate rapport and feel to the conversation - is that he definitely IS. He's not a guy she'd put in the friend zone, in any event. He makes it impossible for himself to be thought of as "just friends."

When you open direct, it's designed to be obvious. It's quite effective used with the right voice tone and in the right settings, but if you haven't used it before it may seem / feel stilted or contrived or fake. Get a little practice down on it to make it natural and suddenly it's rolling off your tongue and making women's hearts flutter.

Direct in the structure from above is best used in higher energy situations - e.g., she's walking, talking, etc., to reroute her energy to you. In a low energy situation, like Lopez sitting by the window, it's too much; and in an intensely high energy situation, like dancing in a nightclub, it's too little. Calibration's key here.

Essentially, for intentions, think nonverbals (sexual vibe) and screening / probing (verbally wanting to get to know a lot about her). Both of these two things ratchet up the intensity and make it pretty obvious you're not just there to be friends.

Chase

Chase said:

Hey stratvm,

The clip with Clooney and Lopez is fantastic, I hadn't seen that one before. Really, really good.

stratvm said:

for me it is not entirely clear how to make intentions clear. i mean i read the post about it but opening like "i saw you standing there and i have to tell you have the sexiest set of legs all night. Im Chase." or sg similar seems quite obvious to me..

Click to expand...

A lot of it's about your nonverbal communication. If you watch that clip with Clooney you shared, Clooney never says he's interested, but the implication - from the intense gaze, the flirtatious smiles and facial expressions, the intimate rapport and feel to the conversation - is that he definitely IS. He's not a guy she'd put in the friend zone, in any event. He makes it impossible for himself to be thought of as "just friends."

When you open direct, it's designed to be obvious. It's quite effective used with the right voice tone and in the right settings, but if you haven't used it before it may seem / feel stilted or contrived or fake. Get a little practice down on it to make it natural and suddenly it's rolling off your tongue and making women's hearts flutter.

Direct in the structure from above is best used in higher energy situations - e.g., she's walking, talking, etc., to reroute her energy to you. In a low energy situation, like Lopez sitting by the window, it's too much; and in an intensely high energy situation, like dancing in a nightclub, it's too little. Calibration's key here.

Essentially, for intentions, think nonverbals (sexual vibe) and screening / probing (verbally wanting to get to know a lot about her). Both of these two things ratchet up the intensity and make it pretty obvious you're not just there to be friends.

Chase

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gotcha. the game is a science in diguise...

stratvm said:

gotcha. the game is a science in diguise...

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I personally think that's the beauty of it. That means just about anyone can do it if they have enough experience! How wonderful is that, especially for us newbs!

When you open direct, it's designed to be obvious. It's quite effective used with the right voice tone and in the right settings, but if you haven't used it before it may seem / feel stilted or contrived or fake. Get a little practice down on it to make it natural and suddenly it's rolling off your tongue and making women's hearts flutter.

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This is definitely an area I need to work on. Before now, I never had the balls to tell a girl how beautiful her smile was. Why not?? It's a compliment! Everyone would love to hear this if it came as a sincere remark! Like you said in one of your guides, even if it doesn't come out sounding sexy or you just mess up, you still made the girls day.

Thanks for the clarification on calibration. Just to make sure I got it right. Direct openers are best for high energy situations, not low energy situations.

Girls get very curious and anxious when they can't figure out what you want from them. If you take too long to make a move or make a move in the wrong time, you can come off as creepy. Especially, when you linger after you failed. You know like following her, not taking a hint, long eye contact without breaking away. You can really ruin your chances.
You can easily let a girl know your intentions in one of two ways, opening and building a connection. My goal is help keep you guys far from auto rejection.

You have isolate her and get her alone by moving her. You do this by being a dominant, sexy, confident man the one women go crazy for.
1. https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-sexy-man
2. https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-b ... ner-effect

You have to get to know a girl by deep diving and getting know more about her. This way you'll build trust with her and she won't mind you getting close to her later on. https://www.girlschase.com/content/secre ... -deep-dive

When you do finally have a girl alone, you make a move on her. Don't be afraid, think in your mind about how bad she actually wants to be with you. You got to know her, show her your sexy side, moved her, and now its time to let her know what you really want. You have to escalate properly.

3. https://www.girlschase.com/content/take- ... escalation

For a more please read the complete post on "How to Get Girls" https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-g ... -ever-need

Take care,

Just Dave

on the other hand there is a george clooney movie, out of sight where there is an absolutely top notch (in fact depressively perfect) scene where clooney picks up j lo:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Te4G4EGjidM

its obvious too but not THAT obvious and to me this seems far better - but at the same time far more difficuly. so whats the good approach?

Click to expand...

I just seen this thread and, regarding the pick up of George Clooney, although he doesn't use a direct opener to start talking to J.Lo, I don't get why you say he is not THAT obvious.

George Clooney is following one of the advices Chase has said before about making your intentions clear (I'm not even talking about the non-verbal communication): He compliments the girl. If you dont open direct (which is a compliment) you should do it pretty soon in the interaction to make it clear.

He says to her almost as soon as they start talking:

"I like your hair, I like your outfit" - outright compliments denoting interest.

If you don't like opening direct, try to position yourself in the most smooth way near the girl you want to talk to, open situational, and compliment her soon enough. Just like Clooney, but don't offer buying her a drink