Articles by Chase Amante | Girls Chase

Articles by Chase Amante

How to Fix the "He's Not a Boyfriend" Frame

he's not a boyfriend
Girls will sleep with you, but they won’t date you… and you can’t figure out why. But there are 3 reasons this happens (and you can fix them all).

This article is targeted to upper-intermediate-to-advanced daters with retention problems.

For many of the readers of this website, the problem they have is acquisition, not retention. That is, they can hang onto a girl when they get her... it’s the ‘getting’ where they have difficulty. But there are some men in the opposite boat.

If you’re in the other boat, it’s no problem for you to get girls into bed. You bed new girls often enough, and are content with your sex life. The only issue is, it’d be nice if some of those girls stuck around to become girlfriends... but they don’t. They never stick around.

The common root of this problem is also the common root of their success: how utterly they disqualify themselves as boyfriends. Because they make it simple for women (“This guy is attractive, but he is not a boyfriend at all”), sex becomes much easier to get. She doesn’t have to ask herself if she risks losing a guy she’d like to keep by sleeping with him fast... because she doesn’t want to keep him.

Yet once she’s had her fun with a guy like this, it’s time to move on, because, well, she doesn’t want to keep him.

Today we’ll talk tactical fixes to the three (3) usual sources of the “he’s not a boyfriend” frame: value, attainability, and screening.

The "It's Cruel When Men Don't Stick Around After Sex" Argument

stick around after sex
Men don’t always stick around for a relationship after sex. Is this wrong and is there anything bad about it – or not?

On my Friday/Saturday night date post, a female commenter took issue with my advice to a male commenter that he take advantage of rebound sex to get over a harsh relationship he just came out of.

To her point, I was perhaps a little indelicate in how I suggested he do this (it was guy-to-guy talk; this is a men’s site, after all). However, she took the occasion to launch into a moral argument that casual sex hurts women, takes advantage of them, and uses and discards them like unwanted objects. Her comment arguing this is a bit long to quote (you can read her full comment here), so I’ll just quote what is the most important part to me:

I have had conversations with girlfriends who have told me that a guy won’t go out with them if they don’t sleep with them. Women have been conditioned to feel they have to have sex, much much sooner than they would feel comfortable. We know from studies that men don’t develop the feeling of love until at least 3-6 months into the relationship, even while sleeping with a woman. What they develop are lust emotions.

Most women have given up on the idea of a man protecting them and *actually* loving them. Valor and honor and real love for another is almost absent in most dating. What you describe in your post is not love at all. It is using people for sex, using people for the thrill of feeling desires, of entertainment, but it is not love. You are incredibly insightful with how to manipulate women to get to your ultimate goal. What I am saying is that this is the opposite of what a man of valor would do. He would protect his woman from physical exploitation, not be the one to exploit her. And he is exploiting her, even if it’s with her permission, when he is trying to extract sex from her when he doesn’t even genuinely love her--- care for her best good.

It doesn’t much matter if rebound sex helps a person feel better. That doesn’t make it right. Maybe we can just numb our conscience to the point that it is dead so that we can pursue feelings of lust and pleasure without caring what is actually loving to others?

First off, her science is wrong. Men are more romantic than women are, heal less completely from breakups than women do, experience love at first sight at nearly double the rate of women... and that immediate in-love love-at-first-sight feeling men get is not infatuation – relationships that spring from immediate in-love feelings are every bit as stable and likely to last as those that develop from slow build-ups.

But that’s beside the point.

Our commenter’s argument is that to sleep with her, then not see her again, or not engage in or want to engage in a long-term committed relationship with her is damaging to her. You hurt her, you injure her, and you just generally make her feel bad.

So is she right? Does sex minus commitment lead to a trail of broken hearts and cynical women?

The answer I’ll give you is “yes, but.” And the ‘but’ is quite important.

But we’re not ready for the ‘but’ yet. Let’s talk about the ‘yes’ first.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Friday/Saturday Night Date

Friday night date
The Friday night or Saturday night date is one of the best date times you can get. But it’s also tricky to get – she may have plans, or want you to think she does.

You know my usual advice on scheduling your dates... go for midday if you can (11 AM start time), when she’s likely to have the whole day free. Or if you can’t, after 7 PM Monday through Thursday is good.

But avoid Friday and Saturday. Especially Friday and Saturday nights.

Why? Well, most girls are busy then. Or at least they’d like you to think they’re busy then. Any girl who’s read The Rules knows she’s not supposed to agree to a date Friday or Saturday night. Makes her seem too available, after all.

On top of this, you don’t want to seem too available. You’re a single guy. Shouldn’t you be out partying on Friday night? Or maybe hooking up with a friend-with-benefits? Having drinks with the boys? If you’re free on a weekend night – especially if she isn’t – you risk looking a little, well... lame.

However, there’s a catch here. And that catch is that if you can pull off a Friday night or Saturday night date, you get a date during the most sex-primed part of the week. It’s easier to sleep with girls on Friday or Saturday night. And if you get them out one-on-one with you on Friday or Saturday night? Hoo boy.

The art, of course, is how to get girls out for a Friday night date or a Saturday night date, without the seeming like the guy with no plans and no social life. That’s the real trick.

Lovers vs. Fighters: Who's Your Target Audience, Women or Men?

lovers vs. fighters
Lovers seduce women; fighters intimidate men. But why do men choose the specializations they do – and which should you choose?

I was probably about 20 years old when I accepted what was to me a weird fact at the time. That fact was that the toughest, manliest, most utterly male, intimidating men usually only dated girls who were just okay. They didn’t get gorgeous girls... not usually. They’d get girls with ordinary faces, ordinary brains, and maybe okay bodies.

I’d seen a similar trend in myself. In midway through high school I’d switched images: from nerd chic to the leather jacket bad boy look. And though I was unquestionably cooler and tougher looking, the fevered pursuit I’d had from popular, pretty girls over the previous four years died down. Men, however, respected me more than ever. I’d gained more male respect, but at the cost of female desire.

Fast forward a few years. I’d internalized the lesson that men who acted über manly had focused their efforts on appealing to male measurements of power and dominance... and cost themselves in women. It was a hard decision at the time, but at last I said “I will no longer live my life for other men.” And as I reinvented myself again, this time with an emphasis on what attracted women, I became more attractive to women once more, with some small cost to the respect other men held for me. I stopped being a fighter, and became a lover.

Ultimately, I’d say it was a good move for me, in many ways. Ultra maleness is not so conducive to being a writer or a business owner. Nor is it so good a fit for a man who wants to travel around and network with other people. Taking my foot off the masculinity gas somewhat freed me to not have to be a caveman in everything I did. And of course, the women... they’re much better for the guys who aren’t male caricatures.

Lovers vs. fighters is something Hector delved into with last week’s “A Feminine Man, Done Right, Can be Wildly Sexy to Women.” In that article, he discussed how a certain degree of femininity in men can trump overdone masculinity when it comes to success with girls.

Today, I want to go into the science and the psychology of it: why men choose the paths they do, and which one is actually the more fruitful path to choose.

The "How Easy is She?" Post-Sex Dance

how easy is she
After sex with a new girl, the real exploration begins. How easy is this girl, anyway? But you’re not the only one with an agenda.

Women are like little detectives. They’re always sleuthing around, poking, prodding, testing, to find out the truth. What is the truth with this man? Who is he really? Is he actually the man he says he is? How does he actually feel about her? Has he changed? Have his feelings toward her changed?

Men, you may have noticed, are far less inquisitive. They figure they’ve got a bead on you, and from that point on they pretty much lose all interest in any further investigations. “Okay, I’ve got her figured out,” a guy says. And then it’s settled; he knows who this chick is. Men do this about women they date and sleep with, but they also do it with their male friends, with their bosses and colleagues, with their business partners, and the like. Once they have somebody figured out, he’s figured out. Any other details they might turn up are likely to be irrelevant.

Today we’re going to talk about a male-female interaction pattern that springs from this dichotomy: the “how easy is she?” post-sex dance.

This is a dance that takes place from immediately after the first time a guy and girl have sex, up to about the point where a woman converts to a regular sex partner of the guy’s. During this dance, the male tries to find out how easy to sleep with a female is, and the female tries to convince the male she’s not that easy.

It’s a fun little game, and a lot more cooperative than you might think, because the two often have similar agendas: the man wants to believe his woman is not that easy, and his woman is happy to help him conclude exactly this.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Make a Zinger of a Comeback

how to make a comeback
A good comeback can turn enemies into friends – or at least get them off your case. ‘Agree, then mock’ and ‘mock thanks/curiosity’ are two ways to do this.

In a comment on my article about dismantling condescension, Lawliet asked about ball busting, comebacks, and zingers. I’ll save ball busting for its own, separate article (it’s related but different). In this article, I’d like to give you a pair of formulas you can use to build your own comebacks.

When I was in middle school, I was my school’s Comeback King – not because I came back from any down-and-out situation, but because I had a rare talent for lacing together comebacks that stung like an eyeful of salt. I tried to use my powers only for good – purely for defensive purposes – but I always went out of my way to make sure everyone knew any attempt to put Chase down socially was going to lead to a complete, effortless, socially savvy shredding.

There are two primary ways I build comebacks. Most good comebacks the world over follow the same principles, and if you get these principles down, you’ll be able to build your own great comebacks with relative ease.

Comebacks are incredibly useful. You’ll use them with girls when they test you or bust your balls. You’ll use them with men who challenge you. You’ll use them any time someone tries to make you look bad or undermines you.

Comebacks aren’t only to defeat your social foes, either. You will find, quite often, that after you slap someone down with a salty comeback, that person’s respect for you and attraction to you (whether romantic or platonic) goes up. I have comebacked my way into bed with ball-buster girls and had men start who started off busting my balls end up as friends after I laid down a razor-tipped comeback.

There’s only one catch, and it’s the same catch as with all Girls Chase material: you’re going to have to practice this a while before you get very good.

But the good news is, you can start on that practice right away. Because the principles themselves are simple.

Let’s begin with Formula #1 of our two comeback formulas.

Hot/Crazy Girls are Easier than Hot/Sane Girls

crazy girls are easy
Why do guys so often end up with hot-but-crazy girls as their breakthrough girlfriends? Due to the hot/crazy discount.

Over my years in the dating niche, I’ve become aware of an interesting trend. Inexperienced men, time and again, after slaving away to do better with girls, end up with gorgeous-yet-crazy women. And often get quite attached to them, until they have a dramatic breakup at some point.

I’ve seen it happen again and again. It happened to me as well. Much of the time, it seems to be unavoidable: the less experienced guy finally ends up with this girl who is just so hot... but also, well, a little nuts.

Sure, there are experienced men who date crazy girls too. Some guys have certain issues that lead them to end up with crazy chicks time and again. Or sometimes you meet a ‘stealth crazy’ who was extra good at hiding the bats in her belfry (though you’ll still catch her fast if you know what to look for). But by and large, the “I’m dating this girl and she is so hot... but she’s also crazy” phenomenon is one you see primarily among a.) less experienced daters, and, to a somewhat lesser extent, b.) intermediate daters.

But here’s the interesting part of the pattern: the hot/crazy girlfriend is often a breakthrough girlfriend for a guy... she’s the first girl in her looks class a guy has managed to bed, let alone get into a relationship. After a guy breaks up with a hot/crazy girlfriend, he’ll typically go on to date similarly attractive women to his ex, except that these next girlfriends are sane (or saner, in any event).

Why should this be so? Why are hot/crazy girls so often the gateway drug to the hot girl castle?

Because hot/crazy girls are easier to have sex with and date than hot/sane girls.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Use a Time Bridge to Get Numbers & Dates

time bridge
Want a fun way to ask girls out? Try the time bridge. The time bridge lets you take anything a girl likes, and turn it into a date.

In old pickup community parlance, a ‘time bridge’ was any excuse you used to seed a future meet-up. For example, if you discover a girl likes arcades, your time bridge could be, “Okay, you and I need to get together and play Skee-Ball and air hockey. Let me get your contact details.”

A good time bridge allows you to seed a fun meet-up a girl is inclined to agree with because it matches what she’s told you she’s interested in. It works fine for girls who like you, of course (they’ll be inclined to say yes to anything reasonable you propose), but it works even better for girls who are on the fence. If she isn’t so sure she’d like to meet you for you, she may still be open to a meet-up with you plus some activity she likes.

There is an art to time bridging. Part of the art is that there are many things a girl might tell you you could use for a time bridge... yet not every item she gives you will equally well. Another part of the art is your enthusiasm during the ask plays a big part of how readily she gives you her contact info – but not necessarily how readily she actually comes on the date.

We’ll talk about both nuances, and a bit more advanced time bridge tech, below.

7 Reasons Why Your Approaches on Girls Don't Hook

approaches don't hook
If you approach girls but they rarely or never hook, what’s the cause? There are 7 technical reasons why women may not hook.

Whether by day or at night, sometimes you’ll approach a girl yet it just doesn’t hook. Sure, there are the girls who aren’t into you. But what about the ones who open well, and feel like it should work... yet for whatever reason you cannot make things connect?

My usual suggestion for men who have trouble getting their approaches to hook it to improve your fundamentals... things like walk, posture, fashion, eye contact, and voice. The stronger each of these are, the faster and more reliably women hook.

Nevertheless, even men with strong fundamentals can run into this “girls I approach just don’t hook” phenomenon. They approach plenty of girls. But those approaches go nowhere.

So if you feel like your approaches connect a lot less than they should, this troubleshooting article’s for you: things to tweak to make those conversations hook a whole lot better.

Below, you’ll find seven (7) technical reasons why men’s approaches often don’t work.

If you’re doing any of these wrong, you’ll want to switch it up. Fix all the issues, and you can expect a noticeable boost in the number of women you hook.

Here’s the list.

Who Controls Your Woman, the Environment or You?

control your woman
Everything in a woman’s life wields some degree of control over her. The big question is, do you control your woman – or yield control to others?

College tells her feminism
Is what she must embrace.
Her boss says that it is “career”
What wins in the workplace.
Nightlife tells her status
While friends tell her “fun” too.
So who controls your woman
The environment, or you?

At some point, you will find yourself with a girl you like, and decide you want to hang onto her a while. You may not want to keep her forever. You might want a short relationship. Or perhaps you do want her forever.

The man sets the pace and trajectory of the relationship. The woman agrees with his direction and submits to it, or she will disagrees and rebels. If she rebels, she does so to force change to the pace and trajectory of the relationship, not to destroy the relationship or take control herself.

You won’t have women tell you, “We’re doing it my way now.” Well, not usually. Instead, she acts up, pressures you, whines, pouts, complains, and does everything she can to get you to change. She does not want to lead. She wants to influence the leader. Influencing, rather than directly leading, is how women control.

We talk about control in this article. Not control in the sense of unwilling control. Nothing here we’ll discuss will be anything against anyone’s will. The kind of control we will discuss here is leadership, influence, attraction, seduction, security, comfort, and power. It is about who wields the greater control over the mind of an individual. Will it be you, her partner? Or will it be the many other forces in the environment that wish her to do as they will – and not as you do?