Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

5 Stages of Grief and Ghosting

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

dating ghosting flaking

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
    —Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

One of my greatest hurdles with pickup and dating is dealing with the stream of rejections, disappointments, and the emotional crash tied to them.

I’d love to say I don’t care, but that would be a lie. It’s just part of the game and something you can train your mind, body, and soul to deal with. After all, they call it the “Game” because it’s supposed to be fun, right?

For most of us, the trauma of not hooking up with a girl we like, although nothing compared to surviving a Nazi death camp (search the above quote), may feel the same. That is, not to those who aren’t self-aware of their emotional states, psychology, how they function, and why. I call these people “Sleep Walkers” because they walk through life in a dream, blown about by the winds of chance like puppets who can’t see the strings.

Most of my clients come to me because they’ve hit a perceived “rock bottom.” They were dumped, divorced, or rejected, which caused enough emotional trauma for them to wake up and realize that suffering is no solution. The only path out of suffering is awareness and action.

It may take a very long time to awaken, because knowledge may be abrupt, but wisdom is slow. It’s not like striking your thumb with a hammer, where you learn “Damn! That really hurt. Don’t do that again.” You’ll instinctually understand that this activity hurts, but the process of learning the art of a hammer is slow and long.

Emotional pain is the same but lasts even longer. It seems like it’s never our fault. It’s “their” fault, or “its” fault. Taking responsibility for the cause of emotional pain comes slowly. It’s not like a hammer. The pain isn’t abrupt or obvious.

Every emotion you feel is because you allow yourself to feel it — even the pain of rejection. Just like a hammer on your thumb, accidents happen. But you don’t blame the hammer. You learn how to use it better.

Your mind, just like the hammer, is a tool.

In this article, I’m going to show you how your mind works, so the next time you’re flaked on, or ghosted by a girl, you won’t go into a month-long depression. Instead, learn to use your mind, like a baker uses sugar to create a tastier dish than the pie of despair you’ve been feeding yourself.

Don't Tell Women Your Weaknesses

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

tell girlfriend your weaknesses
Sometimes you want to open up to a girl and tell her your fears and weaknesses. But this behavior itself is a weakness – and you should not indulge it.

I have seen a certain behavior since I got into the seduction community that seems to be fairly common.

It is a behavior of men seeking to bond with women by opening up about their weaknesses, foibles, and fears. Or else seeking to use women as de facto therapists.

The end result is rarely what the man hopes for: instead, it hardens the woman on the man, turns her against him, and leads to him (the man) getting hurt.

Every time I see a man do this, my reaction is, "Why would you do that?"

And a lot of the time the man will answer with, "I thought she would care about me," or, "I just wanted to feel accepted," or, "I thought it was safe to open up to her."

Or they will say, "I thought women liked vulnerability."

It is true, women do like vulnerability. However, they like strong vulnerability.

They despise weakness.

Women are not cruel by default. But they very often are cruel to men they view as weak. This is an important principle to understand: women are kind to strong men, and cruel to weak men. This is because women adore strong men, and women despise weak men.

Even women with good hearts. Even women who do not want to hurt anyone. If you show weakness (not vulnerability, but weakness) to a woman, she is going to feel the emotion of disgust. She may be self-aware enough to resist this emotion, and recognize an injured soul and tell herself to feel compassion for you, but she is still going to be disgusted nevertheless.

You must not go around showing or flaunting weaknesses to women.

Especially not women you want to sleep with or have any kind of ongoing relationship with.

How Your Seductive Habits Make Women Drop Their Bitch Shields

Cody Lyans's picture

By: Cody Lyans

get past her bitch shield
Sensual habits get women to open up more authentically with you. If you can show you’re a cool guy she can trust with her own sensuality, she'll drop her shields.

Today we’ll discuss seductive habits and how they can help you with women.

A seductive habit is a small action or motion you repeat that gives you flavor for a girl. Much like a raw piece of meat can be made tastier by marinating it in spices, good seductive habits run deep in your behaviors, making your more exciting.

Instead of a woman saying, “Oh, it’s the same-old-same-old, I don’t need it, thanks,” it makes a woman say, “My God! How did you make this taste so good!”

Why Dating Apps Suck

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

online dating apps
Dating apps are inferior to meeting girls in person, because they are severely limiting in regards to the seductive tools normally at your disposal.

Hey there. Today I want to discuss online game and dating apps like Tinder.

At the time of this post, the world is still under lockdown from the pandemic. Dating apps are perceived as the go-to way to meet women. We are changing and reinventing ways to be social. Last week, I shared my perspective on this. The conventional way of “rethinking” our social activities is through digitalization, and dating apps have become the new norm.

But who is vouching for these apps? The media, the health authorities, and others with little to no expertise on dating and seduction. So I felt the need to write this post, since I know many of you are following the current recommendations with using dating apps. I think a perspective from a Girls Chase coach would be a useful contribution, because, after all, we care about your results. Though we will keep your security in mind, it is your responsibility to watch out for your health as well as others.

Many points I’ll make will be valid in the future. I will begin by sharing my overall reservations with dating apps, then make a few notes regarding COVID-19 and dating apps in my next post.

COVID-19 – The End of Dating as We Know It, Part 1

Varoon Rajah's picture

By: Varoon Rajah

dating after COVID-19
COVID-19 has already shown us a glimpse into an odd future: the rise of the home office and social distancing, etc. How will these shifts impact dating in the long term?

This article is purely speculative. We might look back on this in two or three years and laugh at some of these predictions, or some other Girls Chase authors will flame me. But when The Jetsons came out, we laughed at some of the predictions they imagined that are now commonplace. To get your critical brain thinking a bit, let’s look at some impacts of COVID-19.

Some pundits, news reporters, media outlets, and sources of influence are labeling COVID-19 as a quick, passing moment in time, after which everything returns to normal once a vaccine is developed. Others predict permanent social distancing measures, indefinite isolation, and a host of other lasting changes to our society.

I’m not this extreme on either end, but I think this moment in history is starting the path of some significant long-term shifts. In some ways, it’s too soon to predict exactly what will happen next, but there are some indicators we can accurately assess to draw some conclusions. I think it’s bound to affect how some parts of dating will work for the next decade or so.

Fundamentally, women never will change, and game will always be game. So, let’s speculate on the ways you may be meeting girls in the future.

Should You Flake on Her First? Well, There Are 5 Pros and 3 Cons

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

flake on her first
It's an old tactic, but you may not have tried it. Should you flake on your date first… before she flakes on you? There are 5 good reasons to… yet 3 cons to keep in mind.

There's an old flake-reduction tactic I first learned about 14 years ago.

The tactic is simple: you flake on her first.

This guy who told me about it mentioned he'd flaked first on his last six dates. Then he rescheduled his meets with them. Each of the six jumped into bed with him on Date #1. None of his dates flaked on him back.

He was still testing it out, he said, and couldn't confirm it was an always-reliable technique... but the early signs looked promising.

I filed that away mentally as an interesting anecdote, but not something I was bold enough to try at the time. At the time, I was only just starting out. I still needed to worry about getting dates in the first place... I was not in a place to start flaking on those dates.

1.5 years and a fair bit of romantic progress later, I had a date with a very attractive girl. However, I also had a lot of things going on. And I forgot the date. I was at a trendy upscale nightclub with a friend, and in the midst of talking to new girls, forgot I had one I was supposed to meet up with that night already.

Well, my date messaged. I saw the message, realized I'd forgotten the date, and told her I wasn't coming. Then she called. I had to awkwardly apologize and tell her I'd forgotten I'd promised my friend we'd hang out.

"So... you're not coming?" she asked again.

"Yeah... I'm sorry, I can't tonight," I said.

"... okay," she said.

I apologized again, and hung up. I felt really bad.

The next day I texted her, apologized again, and offered to reschedule. She accepted.

A few days later I met up with her. She was more or less ready to go already when I arrived. We had a few drinks at the bar, she was super flirtatious, then I pulled her. Two hours into the date I shagged her. We went a few rounds, and she was super sweet to me after.

I was... surprised how it played out, to say the least. "I thought she'd want nothing to do with me after I forgot our date," I thought.

Then I remembered that instructor's experiments 1.5 years earlier. 'Flake on her first' had worked for me, just as it had for him. And I definitely wasn't advanced at that point yet, either.

Maybe it wasn't such a challenging tactic to pull off, after all.

More Glamorous Behaviors to Mesmerize the Girls You Meet

Daniel Adebayo's picture

By: Daniel Adebayo

how to attract women
In my experience with showbiz, I’ve learned many glamorous behaviors that separate stars from everyone else. These 3 are especially useful for pickup and seduction.

When building anything that lasts, you always start with the foundation.

That’s why we emphasize the importance of fundamentals here on Girls Chase. If you’re a new student of the game, learning how to be attractive helps you embody the man you want to become.

Experienced players also know that when it comes to getting girls, your foundation will multiply the power of everything else. So it never hurts to see a few more nuances to sharpen your fundamentals.

In a previous article, I shared several attractive traits you can use to attract and intrigue the women you meet. It was also an inside scoop on that special je nais sai quois we call glamour.

Now, if you’ve been reading Girls Chase for a while, or watched an epic movie seduction, you already know that many behaviors and gestures used by actors, fashion models, and actresses can reap great results in your dates and pickups. That’s why today we are going to scoop out some extra glamorous behaviors that you can learn to hone your fundamentals. I recommend taking a look at the primer, too, if you haven’t already. These two articles together give a clearer picture of what I discovered after careful reflection as I learned the ropes in the show business.

Read on to see more insights that observation, participation, and extracurricular seductions brought into my perspective to answer the question of what makes a man profoundly attractive?

Tourism Game – How to Get Laid as a 'Free Tour' Guide

Frankie Bismarck's picture

By: Frankie Bismarck

tour guide game
Last week we covered the 2 best guide jobs for getting laid. Now let's dig deeper into how to capitalize on the 'free tour' guide niche, even if you’re NOT the guide.

Last week we looked at the two best guide jobs for all you horny dudes in the industry. As a guide, you have access to multiple short romantic affairs with hot tourist girls.

We went over the process from meet-to-lay with girls in the #1 certified best job for consistent one-night stands with these girls: guiding pub crawls.

This week, we will focus on getting laid from the #2 best job: guiding free tours.

Approach Anxiety Is a Flat Tire

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

approach anxiety
Anxiety is trying to imagine and solve every possible outcome, all at once. When you stop trying to control things you can’t, it’s like fixing a flat tire in your game.

Men often come to me in a desperate condition. They say, “I’m not that bad with women. If I could just destroy this approach anxiety, I’d be able to get all the girls I want.”

I feel like a car mechanic who specializes in changing tires. Every car owner may think their car is unique, but I’ve changed thousands of tires, to the point of routine. So while the student is saying “My father never paid enough attention, and my mother was overbearing, and I was a fat kid in grade 4, and…”

All I hear is “My tire is flat. Can you teach me how to change it?”

The COVID-19 Effect: Do We Need to Rethink Pickup and Seduction?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

dating covid-19 pandemic
Has COVID-19 become an overarching seduction wildcard, disallowing your tried-and-true pickup routines? It certainly has for me. But it’s not all bad. Here’s why.

Here in Europe, as in many countries, there’s talk about “rethinking” and “reinventing” ways to socialize. I get chills EVERY TIME I hear this. It activates a deep fear that I may lose everything I love so much, like enjoying a night out, banging chicks at parties, and going on dates in bars.

The thought is terrifying.

I question a lot these days why the authorities and media say this. I am nearing the end of lockdown in my country. People are partying on the weekends (sadly, clubs are still closed). They hang out in restaurants and bars, doing all the usual things again. So, I question the "need for rethinking our social life" rhetoric. Things are getting slowly getting back to normal, although it took a bit longer than anticipated. So what is all this rhetoric for? To scare us? To calm us down? For marketing? I honestly do not know.

But I know that you cannot reinvent “social.” The “social” is about meeting people face-to-face. Skyping is social, so are group chats on various platforms, but they are not social in the strict sense. They are like “social light.”

Humans, even hardcore introverts, are social beings. We need to see people, interact, mingle, laugh, dance, and play. It is part of human nature. Biologists know it, sociologists know it even better, and psychologists think they know it.

First and foremost, there is likely no need to rethink ways to socialize (as the crisis will end eventually), and it is impossible to rethink socialization.

This is what I’ll discuss here. I’ll share my perspectives, and then review some strategies for tackling socialization in the age of COVID-19.