Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

What to Say When Family Asks About Your Love Life at Thanksgiving

Chase Amante's picture
answering family love life-related questions at thanksgivingFamilies can get very nosy about your love life at Thanksgiving. What do you say to these probing questions? How do you avoid rocking the holiday boat?

Figured I’d do a quick little timely piece for the holidays here.

Every year (if you’re American) family gets together and you get the most prying personal questions about your love life during Thanksgiving.

I’ve seen various people give advice on how to reply to inquisitive family members. Most of what I’ve seen comes across prickly or hostile. I don’t know why so many people recommend prickly responses to inquisitive family members… poor relationships with family? Extremely nosy family members who don’t take a gentle ‘no’ for an answer?

Anyway, this site is about socializing EFFECTIVELY, and an effective socializer makes use of grace and charm to achieve his social ends, not prickly hostility.

Thus, we are going to have a look at how to deal, in adroit and charming ways, with those inquisitive family members who dare pry into the dusty secrets of your covert love life.

If You're Worried What an FWB Is Doing, Why Is That?

Chase Amante's picture
jealous fwbWhy do people get jealous about FWBs? It’s only casual, right? So… why get jealous feelings? There are two reasons why this happens: abundance and control.

A little while ago, I came across a forum thread where the poster discussed pangs of jealousy about what his promiscuous friend-with-benefits was up to in the two months he’s been out-of-town. He says:

I met a hot girl while traveling abroad a couple of months ago. We slept together 15-20 times. All the signs tell me she's the promiscuous type. We've kept in daily contact since I returned home 8 weeks ago and I'm due to travel to where she lives again in two weeks. I've had STD tests done and nothing showed up gladly, but that negative test says nothing about how promiscuous she is or isn't.

Anyway, given that this isn't even an official relationship, why do I keep having jealous pangs and urges to know what she's getting up to? She says she's waiting for me but I'm not naive enough to believe that a promiscuous person by nature would go two months without sex. So given the obvious fact she's slept with at least one person over the last few weeks (perhaps a local FB in her location), what's up with my weird obsessiveness over what she's doing?

I suspect this stems from my lack of an abundance mindset. In in my early 30s but I don't have a high body count at all. I've spent 12 years of my adult life in long-term relationships. I thought though by this point in life you learn not to give so much of a **** about these things. I guess I'm posting for advice on just letting go and not really caring what women I have casual flings with are getting up to, no matter how much I like them. It doesn't even feel fair of me to get jealous over what she's up to seeing as I didn't ask her to be in a relationship.

The forum poster got a number of replies, essentially boiling down to either “just stop caring” or “sounds like you’re not cut out for this type of relationship.” At one point he even stated that “I don’t know why I act like this.”

But all along a part of the explanation for his behavior was right there in his original post:

I suspect this stems from my lack of an abundance mindset. In in my early 30s but I don't have a high body count at all. I've spent 12 years of my adult life in long-term relationships. I thought though by this point in life you learn not to give so much of a **** about these things.

He’s probably right about why he’s feeling insecure about this girl – although there’s another possible explanation too.

Tactics Tuesdays: Don't Give Her What She Wants

Chase Amante's picture
don't give her what she wantsGirls ask for things they think they want from you. If you give them these though the attraction dies out. Why? Because what girls want ≠ what they need!

The title for this one is a bit deceptive. Because you ARE going to give her what she actually wants… but you aren’t going to give her what she says she wants.

As you’re talking with women, they will frequently ask you for things or fish for things from you, like:

  • Compliments
  • Reassurance
  • Qualification
  • Free drinks
  • Free food
  • Other compliance

If you give a girl exactly what she asks for when she asks for it, which is what a lot of guys will do, because they feel like they have to, or see no way to decline without looking rude or insensitive, she loses attraction for you. You are not the sexy bad boy rebel she cannot tame. You are, rather, just another guy who will do exactly what she asks of him.

The challenge of course is that you can’t do absolutely nothing, either. She’s asked you for something… you have to reply in some way. You can’t just withdraw into your turtle shell to hide.

What we’re going to do with this Tactics Tuesdays piece is to look at how to give her not what she wants, but what she needs to move things forward instead.

Using Sex Talk in Seduction's Late Game

Alek Rolstad's picture
sex talk late gameThe ideal time for sex talk is mid-seduction. But some girls resist sex talk – or things may move faster with them than you expect. How do you use it late?

Hi, I hope you are all doing well. Last week, we discussed how to use sex talk during mid-game, when sex talk is most suitable. You have enough rapport and attraction to transition into sex talk easily, and you will not have been in an interaction so long as to set and reinforce a strong sexual frame. As we discussed last week, not escalating the vibe and waiting too long before setting a sexual frame will result in an asexual frame, and if that frame persists, you will reinforce that frame. This makes future escalation attempts difficult and prone to resistance.

You can also set a sexual frame through sex talk during early game and before the hook, but that poses some challenges. It can cause resistance because you are a stranger. We discussed the benefits and how to use sex talk in early game a couple of weeks ago, so make sure you check that post for more details.

The ideal time for sex talk is in mid-game. This phase hits the perfect balance between not too early and not too late. We covered why that works last week. If you are at an intermediate level or new to sex talk and want to use a cookie-cutter method (in my opinion, it’s the easiest and safest way to use sex talk), read last week’s post.

Today, we will discuss how to use sex talk during late game. I will discuss the pros and cons, cover when to start it, and provide some pointers on how to use sex talk effectively and hurdles to watch for.

What Motivates a Man: Pleasure or Victory?

Chase Amante's picture
what motivates a man: pleasure or victory?Some men long for pleasure. Others crave victory. Knowing which motivates you more will help you decide where how to lead the most rewarding dating life.

We’ve been talking about who cold approach pickup is for recently. There’s always a contingent of men who really loves cold approach and considers it the best. But there is also always a contingent of men who rejects it, finding it too difficult, inefficient, frustrating, humiliating, and so on.

Cold approach still works – it’ll always work; it works in every society imaginable – but it has always been hard to learn, and that it’ll also always be. Approaching people you don’t know, charming their socks off, and attracting them so much as to make them want to do things you want them to do is never going to be a simple skill to learn.

I see a chance to allay some cognitive dissonance for some readers here though about another dimension of who cold approach is for versus who it is not… while at the same time discussing male motivation, another topic of perennial interest here.

Namely, we are going to talk about the two (2) types of men there are, when it comes to motivation, so that you can better understand what YOU are really in it for – and where you’d do best to concentrate your romantic efforts.

Tactics Tuesdays: Deep Diving Off of Her Compliments

Chase Amante's picture
deep diving a girl when she compliments youUse this simple process to take the compliments others pay you and springboard off them into a deep dive.

Commenting on a recent article of mine, reader Cian requests “tips on how to gracefully reply to compliments and leverage them to further the conversation/Deep Dive process.”

His first request is simple enough. The way to reply to a compliment is, “Thank you.”

You don’t launch into a story (makes you look self-satisfied). You don’t engage in self-deprecation (makes you look uncomfortable taking a compliment). You don’t compliment back, usually – at least not instantly (makes you look reactive and lessens the impact of any compliments you do pay).

You just say thanks.

Can you use compliments as deep dive fuel though?

If so, how does that work? How do you use someone else’s compliment about you as an excuse to get to know more about your interlocuter?

Is Cold Approach Pickup Right for Me?

Chase Amante's picture
is cold approach pickup right for you?Cold approach pickup – where you pick up a woman you didn’t previously know – can be tough. Who’s it right for… and are you a man who can learn to use it?

Commenting on my recent article about dumb moves guys make on dates (which itself is unrelated to cold approach, except that if you cold approach a girl you might need to take her on a date), a reader named Mr. Loco declares his unequivocal rejection of cold approach pickup, along with his feelings on who cold approach CAN be for:

I think I've had to come into a realization that I just came into. And it's a big one since I've been taught it since day.

COLD APPROACHING IS INEFFECTIVE

Here's my philosophy on cold approach. As a guy. You shouldn't cold approach women romantically at all unless you can answer these 4 questions. And Three of these questions relate to yourself. And answer honestly. If you can't say yes to at least 1 of these questions. Then you shouldn't cold approach.

Are you very physically attractive. And don't lie to yourself. Do you get alot of likes on social media on your personal pics? Do you get alot of matches on OLD? Do women often stop in their tracks when you show up? Do alot of women compliment you?

Do you have a shit ton of game? Are women always laughing your jokes? Can you smoothly transition from topic to topic? Can you easily find great conversation to talk about? Do you know how to easily emotional connect with the girl? Are you remaining somewhat mysterious? Can you get her to open up to you? Do you use very useful pickup lines? Are you smoothly flirtatious? Can you seductively talk to her that's sexy? Can you turn her own with your words? Can you easily overcome alot of logistical issues? Can you tease her in the right way? Do you know how to keep her guessing? Do you not how to be unavailable?

Is the woman that you want to be approach giving you heavy signals that she wants you to Approach. I guess this is kinda cheating because that would technically be warm approach. But if the women is giving you signals and not just her just being friendly signals. Do approach women if they trying to be super subtle. Because they are usually hard to read anyway. Don't waste your time.

Are you a glutton for punishment? Can you approach 100 women and not feel shit if every women rejects you? Can you go on 20 interviews not get the job and not give a damn?

If you said yes to one of these questions than yeah cold approach. However if you said no to all these questions.... Then no.. you should never cold approach. Its a gigantic waste of time.

I used to buy the whole stick on cold approach but Frankly. NO MORE. I think this is a VERY outdating concept that just makes men hate themselves even more and more with each passing minute. It's just a way for the only attractive men to improve their chances. It's not for most men. Because most men are not one of the four things. I think the new age of dating coaches should actually stop teaching this to young men. It's harmful more than anything.

The simple fact is that the vast majority of men who attempt cold approach pickup are going to wash out of it, like Mr. Loco here. It is not an ‘easy’ way to meet women as a beginner unless a guy already has a number of traits and skillsets developed coming in. Most men lack these; they enter cold approach like fresh babes, naked and screaming. Like fresh babes naked and screaming is also how most of them exit, too, often rather promptly.

I like Mr. Loco’s idea of a set of questions for determining “who should vs. should not try cold approaching women.” His are not the questions I would recommend though – so I will give my own take here.

Thus let’s talk about who cold approach IS for… and who it is NOT.

In so doing, we will answer the question, “Is cold approach right for me?”

Using Sex Talk During Seduction's Mid-Game

Alek Rolstad's picture
sex talk middle gameCAPTION

Hi guys. I hope you are all doing well.

Last week, I discussed how to (and if you should) introduce sex talk early in the interaction. Sex talk can increase compliance, set a sexual frame (crucial), and escalate the vibe. It can be challenging to introduce sex talk early, even if you talk about sex in a way that does not convey sexual intent and sexual interest. You don’t want to trigger potential resistance, so it makes sense to assume that talking about sexual subjects with strangers may be socially unacceptable (unless you calibrate properly; see last week’s post). Early sex talk is also prone to resistance, especially if done not long after the opener and during the hook phase before the hook point. I’ve written many articles about sex talk; see Sleazy Sex Talk vs. Sexy Sex Talk: What’s the Difference? for more.

For these reasons, I recommend introducing sex talk after reaching the hook point—after you have an interaction going smoothly with a girl, preferably in isolation. You can use sex talk in groups but will have to select lighter sex talk gambits as you don’t want resistance from any of the girls, as resistance from one may risk you the entire group. Even if your girl likes what you are saying, if her friends dislike you or your topic and can use whatever you talk about as a pretext to get rid of you, you are in trouble.

So, sex talk is ideally most helpful during mid-game, after isolation. It is the easiest and most efficient time to bring it up, especially if you are new to it. Even if you are not, it is still the safest and easiest phase to do it.

This post answers that question: What is the best way to use sex talk during mid-game?

How to Make a Girl Want a Serious Relationship

Chase Amante's picture
how to make a girl want a serious relationshipNot every girl’s eager to commit. Some seem like they NEVER will! Follow these 5 steps however & make almost any girl want a serious relationship… in time.

A year ago, a member of our forum shared a particularly tough case about a girl he wanted a more serious relationship with. This gal was a wild mare – sexy, exciting, full of life, and wanted her freedom more than anything in the world.

Our forum member wanted to make this woman want a serious relationship with him. Yet everything he did to try and rope her in merely pushed her further away. She reacted the exact opposite way he hoped – when he’d move closer, she’d pull back; when he’d talk about the future, she’d shut that down.

I have made something of a specialty of seducing vivacious women other men struggle to tame. The girls I date seriously all have spurned marriage proposals from in-love beaus in their pasts. Some of the girlfriends I’ve had weren’t sure (at least before they met me) that they ever wanted marriage. They all end up doing their best to finagle me into long-term commitment, and they all ended up angling for a wedding, a house, and a family, too.

Obviously, if all you want is casual relationships, no-strings sex, and FWBs, this guide holds no relevance to you. You can safely skip this and move onto other pieces. We have plenty more guides on the site on those other topics (here’s my guide to one-night stands. And my two-parter on FWBs: the 4 phases of FWB and the 8 FWB rules).

However, if you want to know how to make a girl want a serious relationship with you, read on, and allow me open up my box of seducer’s tricks.

How to Turn a Female Friend Into Your Girlfriend

Chase Amante's picture
how to turn a female friend into your girlfriendFriends can resist dating friends. But if you follow these 7 steps, it gets a whole lot easier to turn a female friend into your devoted girlfriend.

We get a lot of guys asking about this topic. My usual advice is to stop obsessing over that one special girl and go meet more girls instead! This does a lot of great things for you – both raising your confidence and training up your skills.

Also, you will generally end up meeting girls you really like sooner or later whom you actually do end up together with. It’s a win all across the board! It’s why my general advice for how to get a girlfriend centers on looking outside your immediate social circle.

But let’s say you’re just not ready to do that yet. You’re just not ready to give up this great girl – you’ve got to take another crack at her. Perhaps you’re not in a position to meet other girls… maybe you’re in the middle of nowhere and she’s the only gal around. Maybe you’re so slammed with schoolwork or work-work that you just don’t have time to socialize with anyone but her.

So, in this article, I’ll show you how to turn a female friend into your girlfriend.

If you want to pull it off, you need to do everything in this guide – no halfway attempts! If you do it halfway, you won’t make her your girlfriend, and she will just remain your friend.

For that reason, be sure you read the guide all the way through. Then, be sure you put each and every one of these steps into action.