Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

The Pig and the Mirror

Chase Amante's picture

Quick post today. More of a reminder than anything.

Much (most?) of the time, most people trend toward black and white thinking on things. This extends to all manner of thinking:

  • "This is good, this is bad."
  • "This is my fault, that is his fault."
  • "I am right about this and other people are wrong."
  • "Other people are right about this and I am wrong."

The last two are what I want to talk about briefly today.

And I want to talk about them by way of sharing with you a Chinese parable I heard a bit back.

3 Steps to Help Her to Orgasm from Sex

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help her to orgasmIn the article on actor-observer bias, a reader asks:

One thing I would like to ask is: could you by way of reply or as an article idea for the future write about how to give a girl an orgasm when she's never had them before? My girl has been with three or so guys before me and has never (not even whilst self-pleasuring) had an orgasm. She says I have gotten the closest and is astonunded at my ability in bed for a first-timer, but no one has been able to quite get her over the edge. I understand about 10% of women have this issue. Is there anything I can do to make her come for the first time?

Since we just covered how to make a girl orgasm in general last month, I felt this one would make for a good follow up: how do you help her to orgasm if she's never climaxed before?

I've had the pleasure of having been the man who introduced a number of past lovers to their first orgasms from penetrative sex. Some of them had had orgasms in the past before from manual stimulation or from oral sex, but had never climaxed vaginally from a man's penis before.

Some had never climaxed at all.

As her lover, this is always the most satisfying way to make her climax. It's the most powerful, it's the only one that's mutual (as she's climaxing, so can you), and there's nothing that makes you feel like a man or her feel like you are one than making her writhe with sexual delight with your manhood, rather than your finger or tongue.

But how do you succeed at making a girl orgasm from sex where other men have failed?

Dating Narcissistic and Egotistical Women

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date a narcissistA commenter on the article about sexy body language asks the following regarding narcissistic and egotistical women:

I was wondering if you could put out any content on how to deal with narcissistic, overly selfish women. They're tougher to deal with on some levels and I'd love to see what kind of content you have for how to deal with that type of woman.

If you're like many people reading this article, your first reaction might be, "Who on Earth wants to date a narcissist?"

You know... selfish, egotistical, conniving. Unempathetic. Cold, in many ways.

But there're two sides to everything, and narcissism is no exception. Narcissists also tend to be incredibly charming, very charismatic, and quite colorful. They're frequently the center of attention... the bright and shiny objects at the middle of the room.

They are the coveted. And they enjoy being coveted.

In fact, there are reasons you may want to date a girl who's a narcissist... just as there are reasons you may not.

Carnival of Dating Advice, 25th Edition

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carnival of dating advice

It's time now for the 25th Carnival of Dating Advice - our last.

In our final carnival here - wrapping up one full year after we got started - we have a grab bag of solid articles, focused primarily on having great relationships and avoiding the bad ones, but also on getting over a breakup, and dealing with self-doubt.

So dive in, friends, and get ready for a nice sendoff of the carnival.

Without further ado, your articles...

How to Be Unpredictable with Women (and Up Attraction)

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In "Time Efficiency Done Right," Michal asks the following about how to be unpredictable:

be unpredictable

Hi, Chase.

I can't stress enough how your site helped me and opened my eyes. I feel you spend less time on projects because you have great analytic skills and you come up with solution pretty fast while others take hours to think it through.

I have been thinking, could you write a post on How to be unpredictable/not to be predictable? It struck me the other day when I was talking with a female friend - I am too predictable. So I used search and I only found some shattered information here and on forum too. I found on other sites that good technique for this is Push/Pull which you already wrote about. But you said that push/pull is only to increase attraction, not to build it. I know the core of the issue (being predictable), it kills attraction, they are not excited and you are slotted as a boring person. But I dont really know what should I do about this. Make her guessing? And how? Like not saying things outright? Tell her "Ah, now I know why your pink skirt does not seem right to me". She asks why and then I should say like.. "Maybe if you behave good today, I will tell you." Should I start saying "Maybe" more? And answering with: "Maybe I will, maybe I won't" And what other things should I keep in mind? Because I feel it's what women want in a man among other traits - to be able to surprise them even after 5 years in a relationship.

Michal

Push-pull and hinting at things while not fully revealing them build intrigue, which contributes to unpredictability. These are good. And yes, I do use the word "Maybe" quite a lot with women. It's a great answer when you're being pressed for details on something that doesn't help you to answer, and you can add in all kinds of sexual undertones.

But there's a good bit more to unpredictability than these tactics.

This one's an especially interesting topic for me, largely because I love strategy. My favorite computer games were always the ones that demanded the most attention to being strategic - games like Age of Empires and StarCraft were at the top of my list. And my favorite board games likewise - Chess and Risk reigning supreme for me there.

Unpredictability has a very large strategic component to it - because, in learning how to be unpredictable, one must also learn the limits: how much unpredictability is enough?

How much is too much?

Because in this respect, your degree of unpredictability is much like your driving speed: too little compared to someone else and you're a snooze, too much compared to someone else and you're a mad man.

What to Do to Get Past a Sticking Point

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sticking pointOn the outcome independence article, Balla made the following (exasperated) comment:

Chase, im letting you and myself down with my low success rate. Please help me find this missing piece to this puzzle and please understand why im going crazy.

Im going mad with these girls. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? It doesn't matter if the girls are cold approach girls or social circle girls. Nothing is popping off. I can get all the numbers I can care for but they dont mean shit if I cant sleep with these girls. I read the article that you wrote, "The 10 ways to make a girl take you seriously". I read your stuff religiously and apply it all.

Im not even joking, everything you say to do I do. From moving girls, text and call only for dates, be sexy, be calm, be smooth. I read the serious article over and over again and apply all of the steps. I am really going mad right now, I never felt this bad before in my life. Im being 100% honest chase, I use all your stuff, but im still not sleeping with these girls. Im just getting phone numbers and attention, I dont even get damn dates. Im starting to get cold and bitter and getting ready to treat these girls like shit. Please Chase tell me what im doing wrong? Is it just that im not meant to get many girls to sleep with me? Is it that Luck is against me? I really dont know what to do, im trying not to vent but im frustrated beyond belief and enough is enough. I have an identity crisis also, after reading that comment you left for a reader about it and it makes me very angry that im all these good qualities but im not getting any action. People believe I sleep with alot of girls and it drives me crazy that im not. I even believe I should sleep with alot of girls but its not happening. Its been a year since I found this site and I havent bedded one girl I didnt know yet. Sorry for the long vent but I seriously don't know what im doing wrong. I still believe everything you write is true and it works, I just have no idea what I am doing wrong. Thank you Chase for everything.

I can commiserate. In early 2006, when I had just started actively going out and approaching new women, I was frequently leaving similar notes on the message boards I participated in then. I was trying everything I knew to try... and it seemed like nothing was working.

This is something called "plateauing" - where your progress stalls and you hit a level plain where things just don't seem to be getting any better.

Plateaus are the result of running into sticking points.

What's a sticking point? It's something that no matter what you do or try, you just can't seem to get around it.

Today I want to talk about what your options are for when you hit these frustrating snags, and what you need to do to break free of their tangles and get yourself making progress with women - or with anything else - once more.

7 Ways to Touch a Girl + 3 Ways to Have HER Touch YOU

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touch a girlEver find yourself wondering how to touch a girl in a smooth, natural, normal way?

Ever find yourself wondering how to get girls to touch you?

In the article on cognitive dissonance, a reader asks the following:

Now in my head during this conversation one of the single girls moved her leg under the table to rest against my leg and turned to say "I'm sorry" but before she could I raised my eyebrows in a flirty way of saying "Sure, put your leg on mine." Which I found quite ironic but then it got me thinking...

How can a guy not come across as "over touchy/trying to force/awkward" and more on the side of getting her thinking positive thoughts?

Like this commenter points out, the problem you run into with things you're inexperienced in is, they often feel forced.

And when touch feels forced... it feels really awkward.

And awkward is not really all that attractive.

So, in this article, we're going to have a look at seven (7) ways to touch a girl that she'll respond to and enjoy, and three (3) ways you can easily get her to take the initiative and touch you first.

Outcome Independence; or, Not Missing a Beat

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outcome independenceA guy walks up to a girl.

He starts a conversation. She's from out of town.

They exchange pleasantries, chat a little bit, have a bit of back and forth.

He's not feeling it though; she isn't really into him, and he can tell.

She invites him to swing by her town sometime. He knows this is a polite brushoff.

He smiles, tells her he appreciates it, says he's going to do a little more circulating, gives her a wink, and leaves.

That guy's cool... isn't he?

Actually, the correct way of describing him would be "outcome independent."

This isn't the comprehensive "how to be cool" post that some folks have asked me to write... that one will require a large block of uninterrupted time for me to sit down and put together. But I do want to talk about one of the elements of being cool: that thing known as outcome independence.

My Wedding Speech

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Yesterday, a friend of mine got married in Bali. The friend was my roommate in college, a partner of mine in three (failed) businesses, and someone I'd spent countless hours on the phone and in person dispensing "people" advice to (friendships, relationships, being a better manager), and receiving business and financial advice from. We'd traveled together on a number of different trips around the world, and I'd spent plenty of time crashing at his places and he'd spent plenty of time crashing at mine. Both of us have told one another (me grudgingly, since I'm not fond of emotional displays) at various times over the years that we were each others' best friends, and he'd told me many times that whenever he got married, he wanted me as his best man.

I attended his wedding, at a huge, beautiful private villa complex and grounds overlooking the ocean, with palm trees and sculpted pools and large gray monkeys running about on the roofs. In the reception I was seated at the farthest corner of the farthest table from the bride and groom. I was not asked to be the best man or a groomsman. I understand why.

His bride doesn't like me - I thought she wasn't good enough for him, and counseled him against her; he told her as much... and she felt betrayed that when I'd stayed at their apartment and she'd shown me about town and been a great host (while my friend was out of the country), I told him about her running out and disappearing for a long day with a male friend immediately after a big, blow-up fight they had over the phone in the apartment, and offered to find out if she was going, or would go, behind his back. She's told him repeatedly that she hates me. And I can't really blame her... were our positions reversed, I imagine I'd feel the same way.

wedding speech

The message at the wedding was clear enough. I was tucked away in a corner to be as invisible (and cause as little trouble) as possible. I respected that message, and stayed out of the way. I kept to my corner most of the night, long after everyone else at the table had left for the bar or the dance floor, and only joined the rest of the party toward the end of the evening, when the wait staff stopped coming around and the only way to get a drink was to go up to the front of the grounds.

I wasn't asked to make a speech - that duty fell to my friend's brother, and to a guy he'd recently met now serving as a groomsman - but if I had been, here's the one I would have made.

Meeting Girls in Messy Situations / Friends Around

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meeting girls in messy situationsA fellow named Estate - one of our forum members - has been meeting women in bars and nightclubs, and recently expressed some frustration that opening scenarios are rarely as "clean" as how you'll find them described in most articles on opening new conversations, like these:

Specifically, Estate lists out scenarios he's run into that don't seem to fit the simpler mold you'll see in how-to articles:

Some situations I come across:

  • Girl in circle of friends (as described above), she's cut off from a direct approach without moving her friends or engaging them. I guess the only answer, like you say is to simply engage them and work the group. Not to be lazy here but it feels like you are exerting a lot more time and effort here when potential for reward is probably smaller since you are essentially competing for her attention and taking time to navigate the group who will naturally be protective (especially if her group includes guys clearly into her as above). Working your way through the group no matter how smooth, I don't think anyone is fooled by it.
  • Girls who are too "flighty"... the social butterfly perhaps but she is just bouncing around from place to place, bar, dance floor, upstairs, downstairs... getting her attention, calming her down to allow her to be isolated for any length of time.
  • Girls who give off all the "IOI"s. For example a cute Brazilian girl I met Friday, she kept hovering around me, looking at me, brushing off and bumping into me, even "unknowingly" dancing up against me even though there was plenty space.... yet when I open, she acts almost un-interested... this girl actually bored me as I expected her to be somewhat chatty or friendly and I moved on, only to have her return to do the same!?!?
  • Girls who isolate themselves in groups to a corner, a booth, a table... perhaps these girls just don't want to be approached thus move out of the limelight. I guess just plowing through and engaging the group would be the only answer here.
  • Language barriers... lots of foreign students in this town. (Even if I'm foreign myself, haha).
  • It's literally too loud to actually converse, even pulling her to another area is just too loud (I know, switch venues, but we all have those nights where you hit the club with friends and there is just this one girl we have to meet). Changes the game up, I like the "low key" relaxed, chill, sexy guy approach personally. Probably just need to switch venue or go high energy here.

What do you do when there's no easy path to meeting that beautiful girl?