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I had such a great date, but now she won’t meet up again! WTF? Sometimes if you move too slowly, it’ll negatively affect her self-esteem and cause her to auto-reject.
Welcome back to our study on women, sex, and self-esteem! In Part 1, I gave two examples of encounters with girls I liked, and who liked me back. We both wanted sex to happen, but both dates fell apart because the girl’s self-esteem dropped because of something I did – or didn't do.
A girl’s feeling of self-esteem with a guy has a huge effect on how the encounter transpires. Self-esteem drops can kill courtships long before they’ve “rightfully” concluded. The metric most influenced by self-esteem is your attainability with a girl.
To start off, let’s recap this excellent story from Tomas in one of my articles. It’s a great example of self-esteem on the date.
“I met a woman. She was not very attractive but still decent looking and nice. I had only one hour of time for her. We were walking in the park, sitting, talking, etc. She felt embarrassed to look into my eyes but the talk was good.
Actually, I wasn’t turned on, but I still liked her. I took her hand and kissed her. She reciprocated passionately and almost threw herself into my arms. We talked and kissed more. Then, the hour was over. She extended an offer to visit her at her place next time and explained to me where she lived.
She texted me first, some two hours after the date, very kindly.
The next morning, she apologized in a text that she hadn’t felt the right spark with me and preferred not to meet again.
Varoon – I am an advanced seducer, and stories like this do happen. What’s the common reason for this incongruent behavior? Was there really no spark for her? Or there was, but perhaps she felt she made herself too easy for me? Or was she afraid I‘d leave her after sex? What do you think?”
Tomas’ story is one of the classic cases that I often see here – a girl who’s very interested in a guy at the meet and when going on a date but then automatically ejects herself.
Can you guess the fault? It’s simple, really – Tomas moved too slow, which caused the girl to eject because she didn’t feel she was good enough for him. As in my story of Violet from Part 1, the moment I stopped matching her attraction for me and speed for courtship, it fell apart because it left her feeling that I was unattainable and didn’t want her enough.
Every single girl wants to experience good feelings and avoid bad feelings. Unless she’s a girl who enjoys pain (which is usually a result of her history with emotional or mental abuse), no girl wants to feel bad or raw about dating a guy. That can take many different forms, as we’ll see. It’s possible to hurt her self-esteem by being unattractive, needy, and insecure, as much as it is to be too good for her and to move too slowly toward a passionate embrace.
Comments
This happened to me
I've lost a girl who very much liked me and wanted who I used to work with by moving too slowly. We went out to a bar we had some good conversation,we connected well, had a non platonic vibe, talked about sex,had a good time. But I didn't kiss her. Logistics were bad and I couldnt fuck her that day,but I still could've moved things forward if I had at least established that romantic connection ,but I was too indecisive. After that at work she would be very cold to me and not even say hi to me. Then I tried to ask her out a couple times like a month or two later and she ended up flaking on both instances or saying she couldnt make it. I basically treated her like I could just pick things up where we left off and I think I even said that one time lol.She was the first girl I ever went on a date with so it was difficult for me to know what to do. It's hard for me to suceed with women when I don't know what that looks like.
Move Faster
The solution for you is to move faster.
Your mistake was to set a date with bad logistics. Always set dates with good logistics - or at least have a plan to escalate with poor logistics.
It's better to defer a date if the logistics aren't there, than to go on a date with poor logistics.
Always remember that the reason a girl is going out with you is because she's interested in you, and she wants you to show her your desire for her. If you don't do that (by being indecisive, not kissing, not inviting her home if it's going well) she feels either confused about what you want, or used and having wasted her time.
"She eagerly responds to all
"She eagerly responds to all my texts, and when we set up a meet, she was right on time, excited to meet me. She was super enthused to meet me – until she saw me after a day full of meetings with clients in the city, in a suit. "
So you meant to say her low attainability problem was caused by you wearing a suit? Did you manage to fix it in the end?
I asked cause i probably encountered a similar situation before. And all along I thought suits make a man more atttractive to women.
Value Imbalance
It's not that the suit necessarily caused low attainability - I'd say it was the whole package. Overall I came off as a successful ultra high value guy, and she didn't see me as attainable for "pinning me down" because she saw herself as lower value (as a college student). The solution here was to show more interest in her, even to be slightly needy. To lower my own value to be more in line with hers. Unfortunately I was so caught up in work stuff that day that it came off to her as feeling disconnected - and thus unattainable.
This girl autorejected at the end of our date. She thanked me for making the time to see her, and that was it.
Self esteem
Just like moving too slow can make a woman go cold, moving too fast can too. Or where you're from. Or you cheering for Clemson. Or your skin color.
Also consider if she's just trying to get new fans, platonic friends, orbiters, etc. If she is, moving fast will only run her off. Better than being her new orbiter.
It only takes ONE DAMN TRAIT OR QUIRK OR FACTOR to turn a woman off.
Autorejection
From my experience I don't really believe in autorekection, at least not if you made one mistake only. A woman will give you tons of chances id she is into you. That's why a bad boy can't do wrong no matter how much he fucks things up. Imo women will are the ones who make the moves when it comes to sex and if you missed her signals she will just show you. Unless it's YOU who rejects her, autorejection won't really be an issue at all.
...If She's Attracted and Into You
Yes, if she's already into you, then she can't really autoreject - or she can, and she'll come back into the picture later. This model is applicable to social circle, a girl in a friend's group, or a girl you'll see fairly frequently over and over.
But if she's a cold approach girl, or you meet her on Tinder or something.... one big mistake and you're out (if she's not attracted enough)!
So in conclusion, attraction and auto-rejection are opposites. Auto-rejection is a function of loss of attraction, and these bad boys you speak of are masters of attraction.
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