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Lancer's picture

Your article is spot on. It's right about everything. It's only starting this year that I realized that I'm living in fantasy and force things in an attempt to "work things out," heavily using surveillance and having strong feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, anxiety, shyness, and self-consciousness I'm actively trying to stop chasing, though I'm hesitant on starting on persistence since I might fall into the same cycle again.

I'm 18, I'm a college freshman, I unexpectedly developed feelings for a girl who works in the Academic Office who is 8 years older than me!

She looked like she was fresh out of college. She looks 21 or 22 and she told me it's only been about a year since she graduated. I developed feelings after she started trying to speak Korean to me which was really adorable. Which is when I started to fall for her I began to flirt and play around. She and the other office workers made hints that I was still "too young." This was true, but I didn't know her actual age at the time, so I was chasing.

My feelings for her and the accumulation of personal stress came to a breaking point where I entered hysteria in class and crying uncontrollably. I walked into the Academic Office looking for my Academic adviser to help me. My adviser was absent, so the girl I liked stopped to talk with me. She was like an older sister then, giving me her experiences and telling me that life was hard for her, but she now learned to let things go and enjoy it. It was then she told me her real age and why it took her so long to graduate college. I realized she had it tough and I was still such a kid in comparison. I really felt cared for at that point. I realized then, I wanted relationships to fill up the gap that my parents left of being loved and cared for, not actually for love.

Now with this in realization. I'm wrestling with my feelings. I know in reality the difference are just too vast. I'm only in China for another month, age gap, and also the experience/interest factor. Yet, I still have these feelings. I buy little snacks and drinks for her to brighten her work day, but sometimes I can hit the surveillance mode of spending too much time with her to the point of bothering her. I want to stop and cut off, but I can't or rather, my emotions tell me I can't. She told me she would be my noona (older sister) and take care of me as a little brother. This is seemingly hurting me inside, because it's inviting me to stay when I really shouldn't. I want to tell her all of this. I feel for her, but I know it won't work. I want to be honest and then let it go, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do.

Please give a response! I haven't been able to eat lately and I've been having headaches non-stop because of this...I want to stop it, I want to cry...but my feelings, my god damn feelings. It's not love, but my emotions are trying to trick me...

Chase please!!! Some help!!!