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Jimmy 's picture

Hey man, great blog. I really need some advice here. Ill try breaking this down quick. Met this girl, we hit it off-very quickly went on a road trip together. We ended up having a big fight because she flirted with some dude one time. We made it up, I guessed she was doing it cos I have been blowing kind of hot and cold. She couldn't read me. I went away for a month but we stayed in touch and when I returned she asked me to be her boyfriend and I was kind of harsh about it and was like NO WAY and you are not what I want. I guess I thought the chick is so into me that I could have my cake and eat it. I'm real ashamed of my behaviour and realise now that it was all from the insecurity of losing this girl. She is going through a lot of emotional turmoil right now and I think I just added to it. Anyway her friends and family kinda rallied around her and she broke it off not wanting to see me cos I made her feel bad. I know this sounds really bad but we had a lot of good times and this is the first girl that made something resonate in me in a few years. I gave her a few days and then we went out and I behaved as I wished to be treated and we had a great time and she came back to my place. I thought this was the beginning of something good but in the morning she seemed distant. The next day her friends took her out and got her wasted. I wanted to see her as she was leaving for a ten day trip to NYC with two friends in the following week. I didn't see her til Saturday and we had dinner and were kissing and making plans and she told me the other night was amazing but again she broke down when I pushed too hard for affection. I have been in agony for a week now by this point so I told her 'this is me I'm offering everything you asked of me, don't make me leave now' I kind of upped the stakes and she let me go. She was in tears but she kind of made it clear she wanted me out of there. We haven't spoken since. The only way I could feel in control again was by avoiding all contact. She didn't believe I wouldn't hurt her again but I feel like I can't think of anything but the girl I could have been happy with and who wanted me. She's not been in touch. She's left with her friends and won't be back for a week. Should I wait til she gets back or drop her a line whilst she's away. I want to prove that I can be everything she wanted me to be. I've been not chasing other girls and waiting on her which kind of feels awful but it's been a good shock to my system in a way. Will not contacting her just make her move on faster or will she start to (I was hoping) feel uncomfortable about her decision to not give it a chance and fear I may move on myself. Honesty and openness wasn't working for was repelling her and made me look needy after being a douche for so long....I have nothing but good intentions here and no longer wish to live in fear.