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Ricochet's picture

Hey Chase,

I have a girlfriend with which I live together since 6 months now already.
She is a beautiful (yet inexperienced) and very strong girl and considering the things we went through, probably cares about me.

She has a lot of bad habits because of many factors.
She is sometimes rude and disrespectful - the same she is with her family, with me she is SUPER affectionate and caring, yet she IS rude and disrespectful from time to time.
For eg, she takes/using something of mine without asking, gives orders, is egotistic, stubborn etc.

My way of trying to get rid of these habits is to be calm but strong and tell her about what the problem is and why she should stop it.
Problem is, her reactions are the same every time
- she denies everything
- she reframes everything like it's wrong and weird from me to be upset about such issues
- she keeps saying that she can do this for me but this will alter her personality (she DID change a lot, but looks fake sometimes)
- finally, she enters a short (10min - 1 hour) but strong sadness state, sometimes cries and says that I can't see how much she loves me etc (she DOES a lot of things for me, more than all of my past girlfriends...)
- when I see her in that state, I try to reconciliate and reframe things, basically I end up for apologizing for upsetting her
Most of the times she understood and DID change, but I feel I have the wrong approach. There is too much pain involved.

Do you have any advice for me, about how to improve my way of comunicating her faults to her?