I've been seeing a girl I knew from school for a while. She is one of the nicest and most considerate I've ever met. I've dated and been with many women but none as considerate as this one. She has a history of some long relationships and some affairs. Probably category 4 and in her late 40's. She has spent the last 9 years being emotionally abused by a narcissist. I know him and he is truly a sick man. I think it broke her so bad for these types that she might have emotionally went backwards category wise. her life has been such hell that she is dying with regret over lost time and bad decisions. Obviously low self esteem drove her to want to be wanted. I've done be same thing in the past, to be honest. She was loyal and gave her soul to this last relationship but I wonder if it was only because she was chasing his never available approval in a classic narcissist/empath relationship. To chase someone so unavailable for so long sometimes means you yourself are unavailable and so you pick people who you never have to "catch". In the classic distancer/pursuer scenario, both fear abandonment, but one pushes away for fear of being abandoned, while the other draws closer to prevent abandonment. The question is, can a relationship break someone down so badly that it 'resets' their desire and appeciation for a more stable and loving partnership. Some people never end the pattern while others finally lose so many times that they hit the humility they need to search their soul and learn from their past. He knowledge of her children being around the wrong men has overwhelmed her with guilt and regret.