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Mirlo's picture

Hi there.

This got essay long, so I'll put it short in case you want to skip the rest:
Thank you for the work you do in the way you do it.

The explanation, you can skip it.

First of all, I am not American. I started reading about the American gender wars about fifteen or seventeen years ago, in Nice Guy's "Most American Women Suck". At the beginning I was a bit shocked, and then he got to the point of: "Your critics are your best friends, because they show you your flaws". He had a reasonable point, so I kept reading, and so, I've been following the seduction community, the MGTOW movement and the manosphere in general.

I didn't think Spanish women were as American women were depicted in that site, but I thought the attitude may leak in time. I wanted to try to avoid the gender wars to arrive to my country. I guess we failed: it's easy for some women and men (in positions of power or trying to reach for them) to use feminism as a flag, and make it into institutionalized, legal discrimination of men. Instead of fighting for equality (such as men having the right to raise their kids after a divorce, or men getting help to find a place to live after a divorce, or free kindergartens for working women, things that cost money and time and would actually help someone), they use taxpayer money in studies such as "sexism in videogames" (for all they say about Anita Sarkeesian, and despite not agreeing with her much, I must respect her for asking for voluntary donations instead of simply taking taxpayer money).

Well, in any case. I've been following closely the manosphere for more than a decade and a half. It's helped me a lot to get to know myself and to avoid certain mistakes. Some sites (such as Return of Kings) are hard to read, though I still do, because you can always learn things by seeing from the eyes of others, even if the others sometimes seem to hate the collective you belong to. Even if they hate, despise and deride their fellow men (the hatred and constant demeaning of "beta males" in some of those sites is heart-breaking).

I must admit I didn't much like the "silly and cute" article... I understand you use that approach so as to avoid feeling intimidated by women. I perfectly understand your need to calm your feelings down and feel self-assured. It was still galling. But still, most of the rest of your articles I liked.

The reason why I did the long explanation is to say: of all the sites in the seduction community and the manosphere, I think yours is the best. Not only because of content and writing, but because of the overall ethical and empathic approach you give out.

You seem genuinely intent in not hurting your fellow human beings, men or women.

You also seem genuinely intent in helping all human beings become better persons: stronger, more self-assured, more hard working, healthier, focused, with goals in life.

Something I loved in one of the articles in this site was the "Don't seduce a girl who is truly in love with her boyfriend". Many sites on the manosphere would say that all women are unloyal sluts led by their "vagina tingles" and blame everything on the slut and the "wimpy beta" who wasn't dominant enough to "control her".
You are one of the few who admitted "you are messing with the girl's mind".

After reading a lot on the manosphere, I certainly know now that a woman who cheats is letting her instincts, but even more her emotions, take the best of her. She's showing lack of self-control. And cheating is no small deal: if you have a bad day and are a bit nasty said day, you are not overall a nasty person, you can be still a good person even if you have a bad day. You can always apologize "sorry I said that, I was on a bad mood, I'll do my best so it never happens again" (works better when you actually do your best so it doesn't happen again and you end up becoming a better person for your improved emotional management). However, if you cheat one day, just once, you are a cheater. There's apologizing, but the trust is broken, forever. It will never be the same. I doubt you will ever be the same. You had a set of values and you broke it. You didn't only cheat on your partner, you cheated on yourself. You failed yourself. And if a woman doesn't know how seduction works, and she's in love with her boyfriend or husband, something like that could crush her.

Thing is, if it wasn't for the seduction community I wouldn't know how lust works in women. I grew up thinking sex was associated to love. I couldn't distinguish "attraction" from "liking", and therefore, found myself at age 16 "liking" a guy I absolutely didn't like, because he was a jerk. How could this happen? I was smart! I wanted to like the good guys who treated me well! What was wrong with me, not liking the nice ones and liking this absolute jerk? I wouldn't stand it! It would pass, I knew.

Thanks to the late divorce of my parents, I wasn't very romantic, so I could wait until what I thought "being in love" passed and I was safe.

It took me years to understand that I felt attracted to self-esteem and security in men. Of course, I like the nice treatment. My logical brain likes to be treated well, but the part that made sex accessible (something I had no control over) closed all doors to men who didn't exhale security. I could "like" a man and not want him to ever touch me. I could "dislike" a man and feel "in love" with him. It was illogical, and I wanted to be commonsensical, logical and reasonable beyond everything else.

Do you know what my first reaction to the knowledge provided by the seduction community was? I bet you do: denial.

Emotional self: No! I'm not like that! That stuff wouldn't work with me!

I had a look at my only relationship ever, and though it took time for it to sink in, of course I was like that. I just had been thought to think only men felt lust, not women.

Logical self: Actually, your boyfriend behaves exactly as those people recommend. He was the distance gentleman until you felt attraction towards him.
Emotional self: But he's good to me and treats me well!
Logical self: Of course. But the one who responds to that is me, not you.

At the beginning it was galling. It was the female version of "taking the red pill", so of course, it was hard to swallow. It was even scary, at the beginning. Could I be manipulated into feeling lust so easily?

First denial, then fear that it might be true. Then acceptance.
Logical self: "Men also feel lust, sometimes they wake up with unwanted erections. They can be manipulated by beautiful women, only they do it on the visual side. They may be manipulated into doing things they don't want, or they may not. It's all a question of self-control. I was just caught off guard because of the lack of knowledge about my own lust. Just because sexual attraction is not felt mainly between the legs, just because it feels different, it doesn't stop being sexual attraction. Oh, well... if this is so, I must know as much as I can from this".

Once the first barrier is thrown down, the next ones come down more easily:

"Married women are more likely to cheat".
Emotional self: No! Not me! I'm faithful and my love is pristine...!
Logical self: Well, if those things work, I want to know why, because I don't want to be a cheater. (On to read every boyfriend-destoyer possible).

"Women don't have morals, honor or loyalty".
Emotional self: Not me! I am loyal and!
Logical self: Stop snowflaking. I think I am, but let's read all this info, so I can avoid mistakes I might otherwise be unaware of.

"Women count on men to maintain them".
Emotional self: Not me! I work!
Logical self: Um... I think husband works harder. Plus, I detect I feel a sense on security in the fact that he's there to support me.
Emotional self: Ashamed.
Logical self: I think I'm going to need to work harder. I do work, but I think my husband feels fully responsible for the breadwinning. It's unfair to him.

"Women don't have morals of themselves outside of religion".
Emotional self: mildly annoyed.
Logical self: I set my own set of ethics at age ten, without religious values. Generalization not correct. However, emotions still affected negatively by generalization over women. Get to work on that.

"Next shocking piece of information"
Emotional self: less shocked and more accepting every time.
Logical self: Let's see what I can learn from this.

Getting out of the mental control zone is, I think, the hardest thing to do. But once you pass the first two or three shocks, it gets easier with time. And you learn to challenge yourself, challenge your views and become better.

My youngest brother told me once that he was one day "gaming" a girl who was given him all the kino feedback (letting him hold hands and stuff), but she kept repeating she had a boyfriend like it was a mantra. Somewhen in the night, she said she had to go and hurried up to do so, leaving their friends flabbergasted.
My brother said: "That one knew, if she stood she would fall".

I felt respect for the girl. But I also felt pity for her, because if she had known what I did, of course she would still feel the attraction, but she could have controlled the situation in a better way. It's hard to do the right thing when you don't know what's happening inside your head, because all you can do is avoid mistakes.

I knew when I was 17, a girl of my age who dated a jerk. None of us knew why, he had nothing going for him: not looks, not intelligence, not funny, not even money, (which is an awful reason, but at least is a reason), and didn't treat her well. Seen in retrospective, every other guy in the group was highly insecure and unfocused.

That girl broke up with the guy on simply logical reasons, by exerting simple, old-fashioned self-control, but it was hard because se had feelings for the guy. We went to congratulate her because hey, girls should encourage not-jerk-dating behaviour. But good lord, if we had known then what we know now thanks to the seduction community, things would have been so much easier for her. Maybe she wouldn't even have started dating the jerk. But she thought attraction meant love, and therefore, made the mistake.

Now I know that when your reproductive instincts do not have a good secure man close, they focus on the aggressive jerk rather than in the nice guy. Which is why the seduction community is doing such a great and necessary job: teaching the nice guy to be sexually attractive will keep the girls away from the jerks. A nice guy sarging will always be better in the long and short term that the real, natural jerk.

How many times I had to dump a guy with "I only see you as a friend", when what has happening was "I feel tenderness towards you, I care for you, but your insecurity and lack of focus in life make me feel absolutely no desire to feel your lips on mine or your hands on my body". If I had known what was going on in my own head, I would have pointed them to this site as soon as possible. I used to feel so guilty for not liking the nice guys, when it was the reasonable thing to do. (Mind you, my husband is a good man, he's just also strong, self-assured, and knows damn well what he wants ever since he was a teen. I feel secure and safe beside him).

Ooops, this is getting essay-long. I just wanted to thank you for your consideration. When I read some of the other guys in the manosphere critizing women for following the "vagina tingles", I just want to scream "it's not felt in the vagina... it's more like a dizzyness, it's felt in all your body... it's a tingle in your neck and spine, it's like being drugged, it's really being swept of your feet, and if you're not taught that it is lust, it can get really confusing".

I was taught to be very logical and to challenge my beliefs and world-views, but maybe a girl from a religious background could be really messed up with.

So... you were kind enough to consider how the others may feel, and I am grateful for that.

If I have a daughter, I will have her read everything I can get my hands on, from the seduction community (if I have a son, the same will apply, of course). But this site will be my favourite, because to the information, you add ethics. A genuine care for other human beings. Empathy on how others must feel.

I just would like to know that you don't apply the "silly and cute" mindset on a professional level. But I have the feeling you don't. You sound like a good man, through and through. And I am glad you are teaching other good men to make women attracted to them.

I think the world is unfairly biased when it's men who feel most of the lust and women who are chased. I believe that, as long as there are men like you, the seduction community will create a fairer world. One in which men are sexually attractive, they will fill the role of lover instead of provider. Women will have to learn to provide for themselves, and men will stop having to break their backs doing all the breadwinning. I think it can only lead to a better world, where people will know themselves better and will constantly work to become better each day.

So, thanks for the good work. I'm just glad that people like you exist.