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Rain's picture

An interesting article. I wanted to get your opinion on something since you seem very knowledgable.

Certain types of sickness seem to make me "not normal". Examples:

After operation in hospital years ago, vomt little bit of blood, I then "bargained" with God to not throw up again in return for me doing xyz.
Another time, I took some antibiotics, they were liquid and a bit gluggy, I may have taken too much on accident, along with not having enough food with them. that night, I felt very sick, and I was very cold despite it being summer, I then "bargained" with myself? or anyway things like "no more fast food, only fresh fruit from now on". I then went to bed under many blankets.
There's 2x examples of me not being 'normal'. But in those instances, I bargained and I also was "okay" I guess.

Now, fast forward to me getting glandular fever/mono from esptein barr virus. That involved vomiting, and I also was not calm, had to call someone.
I vomited from strepthroat in 2016, and again was not calm, and was bargaining.
Last year, food poisoning. Vomited, and this same mood, bargaining.

However, ever since the mono, this mood has been, way more intense. I know for example when you get epstein barr virus, it rewrites your gene code. this makes me wonder if since then, I've not been the same and hence why my "reaction" to this type of sickness is alot more worse.

But what does it feel like? well, it just..... its hard to describe, but it feels like way too hypersensitive. Too much energy in the head.

it does NOT feel like approach anxiety.

approach anxiety:
butterflies
adrenaline in blood
super fast heartrate

this "energy"
no butterflies
no adrenaline in blood
no super fast heartrate

But any 'thought', any touch, any stimulus, its all "blown out of proportion" compared to normal. For example, food on my teeth, normally im fine. but when this sickness happens, its too much energy in my head somehow.

I sometimes think about trying an antidepressant or something , antianxiety when this happens? But I've seen the side effects and stuff

I've tried doing things like breathing, but it works a bit, and then once I stop, this energy comes back. BUT once I stop feeling sick, I go back to normal. So like, its not within my control, the breathing is a distraction, it doesn't fix the cause if that makes sense?