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Chase Amante's picture


1. what do you think of the case if you go longer than the 2 year drop? a girl I was seeing still contacts me to this day and I've known her about 5 years and we fucked for 3. there was a drop during the second year, but that was because of me, I tried to distance myself from her while she still chased me and still does to this day. so I stopped talking to her after the 3rd year, but she still wanted to be with me even after I didn't talk to her for some time.

Yeah, so it's three years, and she's still checking in on you two years later.

That is not uncommon. It's not the rule that every relationship automatically becomes "marriage or babies, or else GTFO" at the 2-year mark. Just that with most women this is when you see the shift.

Some women stick it out longer. Some are more laid back, or tell themselves "He's almost there" and hang on a little more. Or you may have done things that allayed a girl's concerns for a while and caused her to postpone checking out.

Checking back in on you post-breakup is pretty normal. A lot of women will do this -- typically when they don't have another very promising man in their lives. And you will also have exes pop back onto your radar again when a relationship they had flames out, sometimes. "I can't believe Damon left me... I wonder what SZ is up to?"

This is all pretty normal stuff.

2. what do you feel about guys who are repressed and have to learn game way later? what if they did what society said and settled down kind of young, but later on are really sad they didn't sleep with more women, not they are older and maybe still married or divorced, but they never had the success and now are very bitter because of it. do they just end up being single and learn how to get women? wouldn't it be that much harder because of age? what if he wants to make up for lost time?

Well, I don't know. How late is he starting?

J.J. Jones was a natural who knocked a girl up and married her too young, cutting his player career far short (much shorter than he wanted). He came out of it emotionally beaten down and broken, in his late 30s, shorter and balding, and feeling like he'd forgotten everything he used to know with women. After about six months he started doing some reading, found this site, started going out, and posted a slew of lays. I think he had one year where he did 30 or 40 lay reports. Finally ended up nailing down a gal he really liked and settled back out of the game again, this time happily and when he was fully ready to.

I had coaching clients back when I was coaching who were newly divorced, early 40s to early 50s, wanting to live the playboy lifestyle they never had because they married young. And some of them do it.

The only differentiators between the men who do it and the men who don't are:

  1. Is the guy realistic about the learning process?
  2. Is the guy REALLY motivated to do this?

If he's not realistic about the learning process (e.g., he isn't all in, 100%, on just total self-improvement, on being the most attractive version of himself he can be) or he's not really motivated (he's going to make up excuses to dodge doing the work he needs to succeed) -- and those two things tend to go hand-in-hand -- then he isn't going to get there.

But, one might argue, he never really wanted to get there in the first place.

3. you said that men who have slept around with a good amount of women never really settle down, so do these guys still cheat on their wives? do these guys really sleep around at 60+ years old?

Oh yeah.

I knew a couple guys who at 57 and 59 respectively were both still total charismatic flirtatious playboys, each with a wife and a nice house and three kids, who were still taking new women occasionally.

Haven't talked to them in some years, but the last time I saw one of them he was in his middle 60s (probably 63 or 64) and I mentioned I'd likely be in Eastern Europe the next year to film a video product... and immediately he got that twinkle in his eye and excitedly told me to tell him when I was going because he wanted to join. It was very obvious as soon as he said it he was thinking "Euro babes!"

The drive definitely goes down.

And it is not like they are seeking it out all that actively.

But they have become these men women (including, maybe even especially, 20-something women) are just drawn to, and end up with these opportunistic now-and-then lays.

4. to me in this day and age every girl is different, do you really think it's wise to really settle down? I'm not saying this like a young boy says he doesn't want to settle down, but I'm talking from the view of dealing with the drama that comes with it and if you decide to split? what if modern women have made you too bitter?

Well... I suppose it's hard to say.

My attitude is like, look: the laws at this point are pretty unfair. But not totally (yet).

If you're intelligent about mate selection, and you're intelligent about asset protection, you can still be relatively safe even in a conventional marriage. I spelled out my recommendations for that in my post on not getting divorce raped:

10 Steps to Not Get Raped in Your Divorce

If you're like a normal guy, and you are not going to take these steps, then it is probably a 50/50 shot whether you are walking into a dangerous situation or not.

But if you are a normal guy who is not going to take these steps, you are probably also oblivious to any risk and not really worrying about any of this stuff anyway.

As for drama, well yeah. Any ongoing relationship with a woman includes drama. Once you move in you are in for occasional bouts of mega drama. That is unavoidable, even if you pick very well. No matter what you give her or don't give her you will be in for at least some of that.

I guess the issue is that if you don't get into an LTR, and you want that, eventually you are going to get depressed. A friend of mine who bounced from LTR to LTR and continued his playerdom into his late 30s and for a long time intended to be a playboy bachelor forever has recently had to deal with depression, as he is tired of casual sex and has realized he is only content when he is in an LTR (at which point he gets the itch for new women, then goes and shags a bunch of girls and feels guilty about it, eventually breaking up with his girl to not feel guilty and be totally single). Now he is missing an ex he broke up with, who is happily moved on, and regretting her as the best girlfriend he had, whom he knew at the time was the best, but he let her go. He says he has never felt like this or gone through this before, and it took two years for it to kick in for him.

There is a bit of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" when it comes to getting into a settled LTR with a woman at some point sooner or later.

My recommendation has always been "follow your biology", and that you ought to do what you are biologically programmed to do, because if you don't, then at some point you are going to have to reckon with that.

I will say it does seem like some guys are really not programmed for any kind of ongoing long-term commitment or anything to that extent.

If that's you, and you don't need an ongoing relationship to feel content or not get depressed or antsy, then maybe perpetual playerdom could work?

It will be slightly different for each guy. But the vast majority of men do seem to tire of being players and opt for relationships at some point or other. Including I think just about every player I have known.