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Chase Amante's picture


What are the odds you'll meet a girl who is very attractive, has her sh*t together, is smart, single, and has similar interests as you when you do direct approach? Probably very low.

The odds are actually pretty good.

Of course it depends on where you are meeting women. If you're looking for an intelligent gal with a good career and similar interests in the hip-hop club at 1 AM, probably not. If you're in an upscale lounge at 11 PM or you're at a café or transit stop in the higher end part of town, different story.

The sheer volume makes it so much more likely that you'll meet the type of girl you're looking for.

Confused me until I realized you meant 'concentration'. As in "the concentration of single-and-looking women online beats anywhere you can meet women offline" which is true.

"Likely you'll meet the type of girl you're looking for" is going to depend if the kind of women you're looking for are findable online. I can't say I've met a woman I want anything more than a one-night stand with off online. And my buddies who've had relationships with online gals, the consensus after they break up seems to be "Yeah, no more relationships with girls from online." But if you're looking for something that more closely aligns with the type of women who are online, you may have a different experience.

Every single girl is using an online dating app. Most just make themselves unseen when they're not using it.

A few years ago guys used to say "Every single girl goes out to bars and goes clubbing."

Guys who hook up with lots of married women tend to say "Every single married woman cheats."

Guys who are enmeshed in a scene and don't go outside it much tend to have blinders on to women who exist outside it. There's a huge swath of women who never touch dating apps beyond downloading them on their phones, swiping a few times, then ignoring them. Many women turn the dating app on when they're bored or lonely or newly single, get messages from a few guys, get annoyed/disgusted, then turn them back off. I cannot tell you how many women I have met who have tried dating apps but "have never met anyone through it yet." Some of them may be lying, but most aren't. Women in general are pretty open about having used an app these days if they have.

Every single girl has tried an online dating app. Many women have never met a guy off it in real life (and aren't motivated to).

The most recent Pew survey is from 2016, and to the question of "Have you ever used an online dating site and/or mobile dating app?" 27% of 18-24 y/os said yes, and 22% of 25-34 y/os said yes. Put another way, in 2016, 73% of 18-24 y/o Americans and 78% of 25-34 y/o Americans had never used online dating or a dating app.

I'm sure the numbers have gone up significantly in the past three years. The "Ever tried?" numbers I'd guess might be in the 50-60% range now. The "using right now" or "have ever gotten a date off of" numbers will be a lot lower, of course.

There's one other thing to consider. Something close to 80% of Tinder's userbase is male. So while a sizeable portion of the populace is using dating apps, most of these are male.

There's still plenty of quantity on dating apps. The concentration is high. But we shouldn't fool ourselves into thinking all or even most women are on them... because most aren't.

Also, I wonder how many women around Chase's age or women looking for guys his age are online.

Haha... well, I've had many lovely conversations with women "my age." But I certainly don't date them. Past a certain point women's looks begin to degrade, and their behavior when single changes in some less-than-desirable ways. That's another odd thing about online dating though as you get older, though -- age plays a significantly more prominent role in sorting and choosing than it does in real life. Of my (male) friends who use dating apps, I've seen them fairly consistently have to lie about their ages on apps before to not get automatically sorted out of the younger women, placed in a bin with women their age (whom they would not date).

That said, all the disadvantages of online/apps we've discussed in this article and in the comments applied every bit when I was 20, 23, and 27 as they do now that I'm in my middle 30s.

The apps have increased in popularity over the passed decade. But the overall use is still the same, and the patterns are still the same. The only major difference I see now is there's less of a stigma attached to it. But there's less of a stigma attached to a lot of things these days...