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Chase Amante's picture


I haven't dealt with that specifically on the scale you have, where it's everybody and it's your whole reputation. But I have dealt with it with individual people. And I sort of suspect it'll work the same way.

What I'd recommend is you find moments to catch up with individual people who've soured on you and explain to them that "Hey, Farah. This is probably random, but I just wanted to tell you I realized I was being kind of a jerk the past year or so. I was up in my own headspace and ignoring people and just being an ass. And I wanted to apologize for that and let you know I'm going to try to do better. Okay. So sorry. That's all." And then you can dash off to wherever you're going (I'm kind of picturing this being a high school scenario, and you're just grabbing people in the halls between classes, updating them, then getting to your next class). Or if it's not a dash-off scenario and there are multiple people around, then just do a "Hey guys" speech and address it to all them.

Important sense to communicate is you don't expect anything from them, you're just apologizing for having been a dick, and letting them know you're going to try to do better.

Some people will continue to be skeptical for a while, but you should also see some pretty immediate re-warming, if you do this right.

Is this kind of arrogant what you advocate guys to be just a bit because women love prideful men?

Sounds like you've gone too far, into jerk-land.

The good news is, everybody loves the reformed jerk. If they hated you before because they liked you but you were closed off to them, when you're still just as cool but now you're telling them it wasn't about them, it was just because your head was elsewhere, and you'll try to do better, you get all the bonus points that come with auto-rejection recovery, and that's powerful stuff.