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Chase Amante's picture


It feels like you are trying to make some people into friends who don't fit that role. And maybe aren't going about things the right way with the ones who could.

It takes time to turn a stranger into a full friend. The one exception is "new people"... he just got to town and doesn't know anyone yet. Then you can pull him right in. Otherwise, he has his own circle and his own schedule.

So you invite him to group stuff you're doing sometimes. If you don't have friends, invite him to an event you want to go to: "Hey man, up to hit up this wine tasting with me? Looks like there should be babes there." "Hey bro, ever done archery? Wanna hit this thing up with me and see if it's any good?" "Yo man, there's a party in South Granville this weekend I might hit up. Wanna go, or what are you up to this weekend?"

Other times, just ping him to see if he's around for drinks: "Hey bro, wanna grab drinks tonight?"

With time, as you build a connection with him, and he starts to feel a bond with you, he'll include you in more of his stuff, and he'll make himself more available to you.

It can take a long time for someone to complete merge you with his friend group. It's not really something to rush. Sometimes I have been friends with a guy for years, hung out sometimes with his friend group, but never really merged with them... often because we weren't really a fit (the group and me). Sometimes after years that friend group will dissolve and the guy and I will be better friends now, and form our own circle of friends. It just goes like that sometimes. Again... can't rush it. If you and him really are matched as friends, just enjoy hanging out with your buddy, invite him to stuff, go to stuff he invites you to, and don't worry as much about the details.