Add new comment | Girls Chase

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Chase Amante's picture


Good questions!

People in settled relationships move around sooner or later, and often they are going to move out of downtown somewhat organically anyway. I wouldn't make this a primary reason for that move, but it's something to keep in the back of your head. You will tend to notice women who want to steer things toward a more settled relationship will often look to move out of downtown areas too.

I wouldn't ever say that's necessary, or even necessarily important. It's still a factor though, and one to consider.

Have you really done this?

Me, no. I know several guys who have. Although typically it is a mutual move... or the woman presses for it more than the man does. My friends might be atypical though (all guys who do well with women, and their girlfriends look for ways to limit their exposure to other women so the guy isn't being constantly tempted).

How would you not let your gf go on trips? How would you phrase it and do you need to select a certain type of girl?

The few times I have had a girlfriend suggest going on an all girls trip, I have pretty quickly squelched it by saying, "That sounds like a great idea. Let me know what dates, and I'll probably see if I can do a trip with [couple of friends I have whom the girl knows are big players]."

Usually that's all you've got to say for her to decide actually, she doesn't want to go on that trip after all.

Another way I've gone about it is to say "Oh, an all girls trip? So you'll be hanging out, just the girls, flirting with cute guys, maybe going about the city with them, maybe one thing leading to another. Taking pictures of the architecture and eating good food too, I'm sure." And she will deny it, and I'll say sure, sure. I'm sure it'll be totally innocent and you won't talk to any attractive men the entire trip there. And when groups of cute guys come up, you girls will just say "Sorry fellas, we're taken!" This is all said in a half-humorous "I know what you're doing... not sure why you think you can hide it from me" tone. Not displeased or worried or anything like that. More like "Oh. I am amused at your silliness and inconstancy. Perhaps you aren't the girl I thought you were!"

If that is not enough, I'll just circle back to the first one ("Sure, lemme just schedule a trip with Player 1 and Player 2"). I haven't had a situation where these two options failed to table the girls trip discussion... though if I did find myself in that situation, I'd probably just go on the boys trip, let the girl go on the girls trip, then break up with her when she gets back... because I just really do not have room in my life for a chick like that, and would rather be single, and maybe later find a new girlfriend who isn't going to do that sort of thing.

If you're not in the power position in the relationship, where she is more afraid of losing you than you are of her, I'm not sure what you'd do. There probably isn't much you can. Because you will say "Well I'll just go on a date with my player friends!" and she'll say "Fine, you do that! Have a good trip!" You basically have to always preserve that power to have any real influence with a woman.

Controlling guys basically fear losing control of their women, and will try to bully and pressure them into doing what they want. But if the girls rebel, these guys will still take them back anyway, and just try to put even more pressure on them next time.

What I suggest is to let women know certain behaviors are unacceptable... but if they engage in them anyway, you're not going to stop them.

However, if they engage in unacceptable behaviors, after you've told them those behaviors are dealbreakers for you, you need to end the relationship with them and find women who will respect you more than this... unless you want to be stuck in an endless cycle of uppity women doing things you tell them are unacceptable and not listening to you! Or slip into the jealous controlling guy of trying to pressure more and more, yet still taking girls back after unacceptable behavior anyway.

(likewise, if a woman told me a certain behavior of mine was unacceptable for her, and it was not something I was willing to change, I would expect her to break up with me, and wouldn't harbor her any ill will if she did)

Selecting a certain type of girl -- yes, screening is exceptionally important.

Behavior modification is only possible to a degree. People are going to do what they're going to do. If you choose a woman who will introduce a lot of chaos into your life, you can spend an inifnite amount of time and energy trying to correct that, and never succeed.

Full list of articles on selecting suitable relationship partners here.

People would think you're insecure,controlling,needy and at the extreme abusive

Well, if it comes off that way, maybe I need a rewrite on this article :)

Can also be a perspectives thing. I know guys who loan their girlfriends out to other guys, and view anyone who doesn't like to share his woman as 'insecure' or controlling. I also have known guys who believed their girlfriends were perfectly faithful, while letting those girlfriends do pretty much anything they wanted to. There is a shocking amount of stuff women will do (shocking if you're not familiar with it, that is) when they feel like their man will let them get away with anything and is too permissive... even the 'good girls'.

Basically: there are some things you generally should not accept in a relationship partner, if fidelity is something you want.

I don't suggest you try to 'control' her beyond influencing her against things that are potentially going to blow up your relationship.

However, if she ignores your influence and continues to pursue those things anyway, I'd strongly suggest you keep looking for a woman better suited to what your looking for than this one is.