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Lawliet's picture

I come across advice like putting yourself out there or common activity many times.

I've tried all that. I put myself out there, talked with everyone I came across during the day, and tried different activity clubs, even activist clubs. If it is from a meet up group, people don't stick around in the meet up group. It's great for meeting new girls sure. But friends? Most people rather do group thing instead of one-on-one especially if it's another guy. Issue is people then start leaving meet up after getting their fill, and then you never see them again. It also doesn't feel like YOUR friends when the context always involve the club...the existing hierarchy. etc. 

I've met many people and like many have suggested, I did all of them. I was friendly, and chatty, and cared about learning more about this new friend. And we have a great time.

But when you hit them up after a week or so, they won't come out. They may not even text you back. But most of the time, they'll be busy. And after a few tries, it pretty much ends there for MAJORITY of people I meet.

I have made great friends and stayed in touch with few, but most were a dud that never stuck around.

It usually goes like this:

1. Meeting them

2. Having a great chat, common hobbies, beliefs, you name it, joking, fun time!

3. Exchange contact

4. Hit them up

5a. They come out

5b. They don't come out, try again later.

People who don't come out usually will say they're busy or they're meeting up with their own groups.

People who do come out usually will stick to a one-on-one basis, so every time you see them, you meet them one on one. Which can be fun. I had some good fun sports time with this set up. But imagine having 5 friends... that's 5 separate one-on-one hangout... it's time consuming.

A common issue from both outcomes is... these people don't invite you to their existing social circle. You become a separate entity to fit into their existing schedule, so their chances of squeezing extra time for you is low. They already have work, school, whatever. Even if they do meet you, it sticks with this one-on-one basis and you never expand your social circle neither do they invite you because there's this awkward "they don't know each other" hesitation I've noticed.

Best outcome: One-on-one, but meeting each friend to build the friendship on a one-on-one basis is tough on their schedule as well as yours. It doesn't last.

Worst outcome: Never hear them again

Painful outcome: When you finally click with someone, and they hangout with you a few times...then they move away to another country for work or study and you lose this friend...

At the end, we have to start doing group events and gathering these one-on-one basis and meshing them together.

But it's a lot of work and most of the time doesn't work due to schedule conflicts. Also, I don't have a house to host a party in, so that makes things more complicated. 

Thanks for reading,