Tactics Tuesdays: Fresh Stories to Tell to Girls | Girls Chase

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Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

I think this mirrors your other comment, which I replied to here.

However, I will add that with the respect thing, if a girlfriend is being disrespectful, I will just tell her "You'd better quit being rude to me." I do not like to make threats (I don't like getting them, and I don't like making them). However, disrespect is not something I will tolerate. Assuming she lays off, after she calms down and we discuss, I will remind her again: "Hey, please remember. You've been getting quite disrespectful. No matter how angry you get at me, you need to not do that. I do not do that to you. I expect you not to do that to me."

If she keeps it up, you need to break up with her over it. If she wants to make up with you, then fine, give her a chance, but put her on notice that the behavior had better quit. The consequences need to grow more dire the longer it continues (e.g., more final breakups, etc.). If you tolerate disrespect too long in a relationship, you're done. Wrecked. You're a doormat. You need to hit it hard every time it comes up, whenever it comes up.

If it's a friend, depends how good the friendship. If it's a good one, and it was something spoken, I'll attempt to clarify: "Hey man, not sure if I interpreted this wrong. You said X. That felt like you were saying Y. Did I read that right, or I misread it?" Usually it turns out my read was somewhat off (or the guy wants to walk back the attack), and we squash that beef. If it was an action that's harder to get past. I was in a town not long ago where I had a long-time friend I hadn't been as in-touch with, but who had expressed a few years earlier he felt like he was "moving past all that" with regard to pickup, and seemingly included me with the stuff he was "moving past." He'd been cool toward me since then. I reached out to him while in town to see if he was there and wanted to grab a bite or drink. He announced he was in town, but declined to meet. Well, he was a good friend, but it was a clear snub, and after he'd announced before he was "moving past" what I took to mean me, so I left it at that. I wish him the best and won't worry it any further. People grow in different directions and not everyone you knew in the past will be your friend in the future -- just how it goes sometimes.

So, my general rule of thumb: words -- seek clarification. Actions, on the other hand, typically speak for themselves.

Secondly, when people do reject us (in general, so for anything), how should we act? Yes, if someone was watching, they would see us get rejected and of course not see us "as someone who gets whatever they want in life" anymore, not sexy. But what is a high status man supposed to do in terms of social grace in this situation?

Be the bigger man: "All right, that's too bad." "Ah really? Well, I'm disappointed. But okay."

Keep your voice tone neutral, look unfazed, while expressing moderate disappointment verbally. Then move on. However, from that point on, be standoffish with that individual... it's on him to make it up to you. (unless you know you did something wrong that prompted his reaction -- in which case, corner him alone at some point and clear the air)

If it's a girlfriend disrespecting you in public (and this has only happened to me once or twice): look her in the eye, dead serious, and tell her, "Yeah, don't talk to me like that in public." Neutral/friendly voice tone, but dead serious facial expression, laser-locked eye contact. Then side-break eye contact and back to whatever you were doing. You give her the instruction, let her know you mean it, then return to whatever. I've never had a girlfriend try to continue the disrespect past that, but every time it happened I was 100% prepared to dump her right there in public in front of everyone if she continued. I personally consider public disrespect one of those inviolable lines you just do not cross. I don't do it to other people; I can't control other people, but I can control who's a part of my life. And if that is something someone wants to do, she can do it to someone else. I don't need it.

That's just me though.

Chase