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Chase Amante's picture


The boyfriend dilemma is when your primary value to a woman is as a potential boyfriend.

The player problem is when your attainability is too low, and your intentions seem uncaring/disrespectful.

It's possible to actually have both problems at once: your principle value is as a boyfriend, yet you seem uncaring or disrespectful and get dismissed as a player. Solve one problem, and the other doesn't necessarily go away (e.g., you make yourself more attainable... now she doesn't see you as a player, but still wants to slow-game you because she sees you as a boyfriend).

They're really problems on different axes of attraction. To solve the boyfriend problem, you want to raise your attractiveness as a lover, while also making yourself both attainable as a lover, but less attainable as a boyfriend.

To solve the player problem, you need to make yourself more attainable as a partner (even a short-term one), and seem less game-y, uncaring, or player-ish.