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Tarnished's picture

@Reverse D/S

What you're referring to is being a switch/asking your partner to be a switch. In other words, someone who enjoys being dominated and dominant in equal measure...or is at least wanting to switch it up from time to time.

I can honestly say that there's no way to know if your partner is comfortable with taking a dominant role unless you ask them. But as for your question of "is it okay for me to want this", yes. Yes, it's perfectly fine. My own lover asks for it sometimes (normally I'm the sub), and I'd never deny him this part of his sexuality, just as I wouldn't give up other aspects of sex like using toys, or "making love", or giving each other erotic massage.

The thing to remember about bdsm is that it's one expression of human sexuality. Think of it like using chili pepper in your kitchen. Sure, dishes like tacos, spaghetti, and certain soups can be improved by adding this delightful spice...but you still wouldn't want it in your stroganoff or cheerios. Such it is with's a game to play during sex with it's own rules and improvements, but having it all the time gets boring, especially if it's done the same way in each scene. Some days I like to be whipped and tied to the bed...some nights my lover wants to be told not to make a sound while I spank him and slide a tiny vibrator in his ass...and then other times we just want to slowly, gently have vanilla sex.

I personally get off on being a Sub because of how powerful and safe it is. A good Dom communicates openly and honestly with their Sub, expects to be told the safeword if anything he/she does goes too far, and trusts the Sub to not allow themselves to be pushed too far beyond their limits. Being a Sub explicitly means *you* are the final say in what happens...I like that power, as does my lover when we switch roles. It's pretty intoxicating. And of course, it's all about consent...safely pushing boundaries...being honest and upfront with your partner about your limits...and having fun with the concepts of D/S in a sexual game that ends when the scene is over. (Neither of us are ones for gender roles, so our relationship is very egalitarian. We've been FwB for 7+ years, so it must be working.)

I recently wrote about bdsm on my own blog. Maybe it can help: