That's a very good question.
I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what's "good" for
women to "date", and what isn't. It's a lot harder than it sounds. What
makes a man "good" relationship material?
If you ask a woman point-blank, most women will tell you something
... but these actually seem more like "nice to haves" than "must
haves." There are plenty of men with these qualities that women simply
won't date. And plenty of men without them that women go crazy for.
Most women say they want one thing, but what they actually pursue
and hold tightly to is something else altogether.
When women get involved with a man romantically, they put the man
into one of two boxes, I find:
I'm #1. Every girl I sleep with more than two or three times asks me
if I'll marry her. Sometimes they ask me the first night I sleep with
them. American, European, Asian women... no difference. I like to think
it's because I'm something of a dreamer... somehow, just being around
me seems to bring out the dreamer in everyone else; even the most
If you're man #2 - the man that women don't want to marry - I think
it's pretty easy to say that you're good for dating. Women know exactly
what they're getting into with you; they know it won't last. They don't
want it to last.
If you're man #1, and you don't
want forever with them, all you do is hurt them and spend their time
and their emotions. It doesn't matter what you say... you can tell a
girl you are not sticking around, that you have much to do, that
relationships aren't a priority in your life. It doesn't matter,
because women don't listen to words. They just watch you, and see who
you are, and how you are, and decide what they want from you and expect
from you on that.
Every relationship a woman has with a man she wants forever with
that doesn't end in forever
ends in tragedy, broken hearts, and emotional fallout.
In relationships with me, women go in thinking I'm a scoundrel, and
end up six months or a year in telling me with wide-eyed wonder, "You
are a good man. I can't
believe I thought you were not a good man," and I have to remind them
of my less desirable traits to keep their feet relatively on the
ground. I change the way they look at the world; I challenge them to
think differently, to throw off social convention, and to become
self-reliant and independent in ways most men never would, because that
would mean they become too hard to control in a relationship; I've
helped girlfriends build small businesses, and handed over full
ownership of business and profits to them to help them achieve a level
of financial independence.
But when the breakup happens - and it always does, with someone like
me... a guy with options who doesn't like being tied down and prefers
to be free to do whatever he wants to do - it's traumatic for them...
usually because, I think, they know they're not going to replace me.
Sometimes they spend years trying to get me back, even though they're
the types who never want anything to do with their exes.
So, the big question for me has been: if you give a woman an amazing relationship - perhaps the
best one of her life - but she is ultimately not able to hang onto you
for a lifetime - which is what she ultimately wants - have you done her
a good thing, by giving her that great relationship?
Or have you merely shown her what she can't have, taken up her time,
and left her with a few lessons that may or may not make the rest of
her life and her dating and her search for a man to marry better?
The conclusion I came to was, if you are a #1 - if you are a man a
woman wants to spend the rest of her life with - and you cannot give
her forever, no matter how
amazing the relationship you give her is,
you're doing her a disservice by dating her. The only way I think you
can be good for her in a relationship if you are a #1 who cannot give
her forever is perhaps if you give her children and you give her a
business of her own, or introduce her to contacts who help to rapidly
advance her career. Then, perhaps, even if you do not stay together,
you have been a good thing for her life.
Otherwise, you are but a time-sink, and an emotion-sink.
I think most people don't know what they're doing in relationships.
They don't know what their relationships are for - they think they're
for sex (physical pleasure), and companionship (emotional support), but
eventually they want more than this, and they don't know how to
communicate it, and don't understand it themselves - sometimes reject
it themselves. They reject what they want, and end up miserable, and
don't know why. They don't understand their own biology, and fear their
drives to reproduce, scared of the burden of children and the end of
So, back to your question - am *I* good for a relationship?
Well, if I was a girl, I sure wouldn't date me.
Because I like a good measure of certainty, and I like a good degree
And those are two things - certainty and control - that no woman
ever has with me in any relationship.
So I'd tell you the same thing I tell every girl I date: I am a
terrible, terrible man, and you'd be much better off dating someone