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What you described in this article helped me begin to understand what motivated me to act in a certain way as a woman. You seem to have a lot of insight on this topic, and I was hoping you could please read further and tell me what you think: I was in a 2 year ltr with T in which I thought I was happy. I, however, was not satisfied at the time and did not realize this until I met another guy, S, on a cruise. Before I left for the cruise, T and I were having problems. While I was breaking my back my back trying to resolve these issues and compensate for everything that was lacking in our relationship, he seemed to have completely given up. All of this conflict foreshadowed a breakup, I thought, and as a result, I began to emotionally withdraw. My single friends and I went on a cruise. Since I am good at dancing, I attracted the attention of many guys at the nightclub of the cruise, but I rejected anyone who came up to me because I had a boyfriend, whom I still loved despite our issues, and I never thought of myself as a cheater. S, though, was different. He was persistent; he made me feel wanted, attractive, and unique- all of which T was failing to do at the time. S had qualities of someone I could imagine having a ltr with, but I was already in one, so he did not interest me. One night, I finally agreed to take a walk with him on the top deck. While we were talking, he said proudly "I've had a few girlfriends, but i've NEVER been in love. I'm not looking for a relationship/love." All at once, I went from accepting his invitation out of politeness to feeling special that he had chosen me. Suddenly, he became a challenge and his unavailability was intriguing; it occurred to me that he could be just a fling- a temporary bout of excitement. At first, I accepted his company because I wanted attention, and he fulfilled that need. I did not care about him. We never kissed or did anything that constitutes cheating. He tried to kiss me once, and that was when I realized that this seemingly innocent friendship I had with him was making me emotionally estranged with T. I became so disgusted with myself for having these thoughts and desires. I felt guilty for emotionally cheating and as soon as I returned home, I broke up with T because I felt unworthy of him. I am still angry at myself. After a year of not talking, T sent me flowers and apologized for his shortcomings, and I revealed what I had done. To my surprise, he was not mad and forgave me. We are together now, but I am no longer sure of who I am since this happened or what/who I want. Before this happened, I thought T was who I wanted to possibly marry someday, and I missed him desperately the whole year we were apart and thought I made a terrible mistake. What causes uncertainty, though, is how I went from being a loyal and devoted girlfriend who knew who/what she wanted to this woman who is confused and unsure of her decisions/commitments after having met S. Thank you for reading this, and I hope you can clear some things up for me.