The "I've Got to Wait for Girls to Meet Me" Thing | Girls Chase

The "I've Got to Wait for Girls to Meet Me" Thing

Chase Amante

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wait for her to approach
Do you wait for girls to approach you? It may be scary to approach women yourself, but waiting for them to ask first is a losing proposition.

One of the members of our forum has talked about his strategy of waiting for girls to meet him, and then spitting game at them. It doesn't seem to work well for him, since he is perpetually single and has been hung up on the same girl for over a year, hoping every time she breaks up with a boyfriend that maybe she'll pay more attention to him.

Nevertheless though, he's committed. He ignores all the advice from every other member on there and from me that he forget this girl and go meet new ones. This is his strategy, and he's decided to stick to it.

I don't think there are a lot of guys who are 100% into this strategy of “I've just got to wait for women to come meet me”, like Neal is. But there are guys who slip into this some or a lot of the time. So we should talk about it.

Because even while objectively this is about as effective as thinking, “I've just got to wait for the money to come to me,” or, “I've just got to wait until a Ferrari shows up in my driveway,” subjectively it can feel like a valid strategy at the time when you're thinking it.

But it's not a valid strategy. It's a terrible strategy.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Angel Roberto Encarnacion Alverde's picture

Gran articulo Chase.Eres uno de los grnades maestros de,no solo esta generacion,sino del tiempo.Saludos!

NewYorker's picture

I'm really glad you wrote this article Chase. I recently started college and thought I the "wait for girls" approach was the way to go, because I had read the "three flavors of sexy" article about the brooding sexy vibe where you say the brooding vibe is a good social circle/college vibe. Then I quickly realized it was getting me absolutely nowhere and though being active again was a step in the right direction—you're article just confirmed it. Thanks a ton man

Jordan J's picture

I have hit rock bottom in many things but a bitch ain't one. Thank you for helping me clear up my automatic thinking Chase, although this particular article seems to me totally different from all your others.
Your techniques and knowledge helps me

John Donald's picture

You're coming from a losing proposition by approaching women like every other average chump. Lets face it women don't have to do anything and men play into their ego by showing them with attention. If you eon't give them the attention they crave and withhold it they'll be driven crazy because the modern woman in the US are attention whores. At any chance deny them the attention they crave. Let some other chump do it. I have seen it in action one of my buddies who are the bad boy types got a girl to walk away from me ask for his number and he dissed her said" don't even know your name!" She said it's Michelle silly and put his digits into her phone. Tried to fix him and shave his long viking beard off but he told her it's not happening. He probably banged her. I got her number but she ghosted me. If you have enough SMV you don't need to approach women they will come to you. I disagree with this article. All you have to do your thing and present yourself as attractive as possible and women will come to you. You're the prize, you should be chased. A beautiful woman is a dime a dozen. I truly great man is rare.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

John-

"I saw a buddy get a phone number once" is not a method.

"My buddy has slept with 200 women - here's how he does it," is a method. Or, "My buddy consistently dates gorgeous, highly desired, high status women, and is never alone longer than a week-and-a-half - here's how he does it," is a method.

If it produces consistent, repeatable results, it's good and you can use it. But if you have to stand around and twiddle your fingers and hope and wait and pray, well, you can still use it if you want to.

But you are not going to use it if a.) you don't have buckets of time to waste and/or b.) you want results.

Also:

You're coming from a losing proposition by approaching women like every other average chump.

Right, yeah. This is what we teach men NOT to do - don't be an average chump on your approaches. Also, don't be the average chump who waits around hoping girls will somehow come to him, either. Neither of these guys are attractive. You must do better than both.

Chase

Trey Holliday's picture

Chase my bro, I like you your an intellectual, but you address the problem here with out a clear resolve, I guess it's pretty specific, but my cousin doesn't do any thing more than chill with his small cliq, started a new job, and he's talking about trying to get with one of the girls there, I'm like "yeah do it but it would probably be even better to make friends with a *guy* also so you can go out and get a social life and meet more people "
I think most of us could be having problems that are indirectly related to our preferred outcome.
Like you could talk with this girl at your job who likes you but you how you gunna be low key about that, like her friends are going to think she's a whore when you fuck her, and she knows she wants that hard dick. idk I think some people can solve a problem by making certain changes that give more options, kinda like getting lost in the woods, you come across a log cabin... you think "I can kick it here for a while" but what is you keep moving... you will find better, civilization.

Keep It chase
~ Holliday

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Trey-

Have your cousin check these articles out, if he's definitely going for it:

The way to hook up with women at the workplace, in general, is to not let anyone else see you flirt. Then she does not have to worry about how it will make her look, since there's no one around to notice how it looks.

But I agree. Getting hung up on one girl in one constrained social situation is not good strategy. Cousin will do much better if he seeks out more outlets that give him more exposure to more women, rather than pin all his hopes and energies on one single girl from work. Maybe take him out with you to the bars or parties next time you go out and chat up girls - you may open his eyes ;)

Chase

blogster's picture

All in all, its true. Particularly in their peak years of 15 to 30, unless you’re the absolute top 5% of society, women will not approach you. Why? Pure dating market economics - their value in aggregate exceeds the value of most men. Youth, fertility and beauty. All biologically given and not earned. Also, women are generally receptive and again are only compelled to action if the passive display of value is so powerful they have to respond (e.g. football player, movie star, musician).

The other thing that must be said is that overall, women are absolute cowards when it comes to rejection. This is why (despite 3rd wave feminism and the associated attempted social re-engineering), they will never run the world. They are truly risk adverse. To borrow from a famous quote, "all progress depends on the unreasonable man". In this area, this is why I have minimal respect for women (as distinct from regard or courtesy).
Also, if you break the economics of dating down, women only have one card: sex. Biologically, instinctively, that is the only reason men are interested in women. On the other hand, women need men for various reasons - supporters, resource providers, protectors and sexual needs. Men can get these first three things either by themselves or from other men. If women have to be on the front foot and approach, it's ultimately a slippery slope to all women having to play their one card to get a man interested and being at risk of not getting the multiple things they need in return.

This is why women are ultimately the more deceptive sex, because without deception, they have limited ways of getting what they want. You will notice women instinctively hate having to reveal their intentions. This is also why they support the current dating environment of man approaching women. However, the entire social contract has changed from say 60 years ago with both freedom and responsibility in women’s favour. The article states, "Women will let you think they're more interested in you than they are. They'll let you think they are purer than they are. Or wilder than they are. They'll let you think they're single when they're not, or even that maybe they're thinking about you when in fact they're obsessed with some other guy. They do this because they are chameleons, and because the female survival imperative is to always keep men in their back pockets... just in case." This is actually the case in the current dating market than in a situation when a woman has to approach a man. Those who approach reveal their intentions, those who receive don't have to commit and can lead the interaction in any way they desire and thus engage in chameleon behaviour. The statement is not actually relevant to a market where women approach men.

Men’s frustration (including mine) often arises from the clear difference in active effort, risk and rejection women face relative to men, both in having value in the first place and in the actual process of finding a member of the opposite sex. A woman grows into her dating value by puberty, men must work for it. It truly is like applying for a job at a corporation; unless you’re a George Clooney, you’re no different from all the other applicants.

Where the analogy goes awry however is that women do not have the value of a massive corporation, they are often effectively a similarly valued employee; it’s just the market structure that creates a false impression of their relative value. I know this because when I am in Asia, I barely have to lift a finger and very attractive women are actively approaching me purely on aesthetics. The shoe is clearly on the other foot and it feels wonderful to walk around feeling awesome just for existing like women in western countries feel. Yet in 2017 in Western countries, you have 6s who think they are 9s acting better than you.

So yes, do approach because you can get more of what you want, but you have to actively block out the ease with which women in their prime live their lives. Reveal your intentions very quickly and clearly and smoke out theirs through compliance testing and brutally drop those who don’t comply.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Blogster-

Great comment. Yes, women have really just the one card to play. A few women will work to better themselves as companions, but it's uncommon.

The effort difference is due to male competition. e.g., kill 90% of the men off, and women will become fearless approach machines who will do whatever they have to do to secure men (and penis). Or convince 90% of men to become MGTOW, and the end result will be almost the same. But because fellow men are willing to compete as hard as they are for women, the price of women goes up, and the level of work required to get them does too. The only two ways around that (aside from "kill all the extra men") are to improve your skill set to out-compete other men (as you know) or to convince other men to abandon dating (which seems to be the subconscious objective of the MGTOW movement which is branching out everywhere these days waging active propaganda wars: "It's too hard, women aren't worth it" - if enough guys listen and opt out, it reduces competitive pressure on men and becomes easier again for the reduced number of men still pursuing women).

Asia is different in part because the men are much less interested in casual sex and pursue it far less. Which makes there be effectively "fewer dicks on the market", even if the male-female ratio hasn't changed. Men still compete for women, but fewer men compete for each woman, they do not compete as hard, and their value more closely matches the woman's value. You also have near universal thinness, which means you don't get 30% of the most attractive young single female population on a pedestal because only that third is actually thin and attractive, as you have in the West. Fewer dicks + more (thin) pussies = a much more balanced, healthy sexual dynamic for men.

Chase

Neal's picture

While this article is based after me, I don't wait for girls to ask me out, I'm waiting for women to put me in their friend zone, or into their social circle. Cuz, I don't have any female friends in real life. I loathe for a female companion. If I was in friend zone or social circle, then I could then try to attract the shit out of them. (It's like I need their permission to.).

I don't know if women have the same mentality that to make a move with a guy, you have to ask them out. I myself am into shadowing. Let's say girl plans to go to A all day, and guy plans to go to C all day. Then a date is where they agree to meet at B. Shadowing is where the guy follows with the girl all day to her places A, or the girl follows the guy to where he planned to go all day C. It could still be a date if by intent only.

I also wonder if women don't allow dates to happen by accident with a guy.

I have no luck with people of any gender introducing me to their friends of any gender.

But, hey, once women put me in a situation where they "allow" me to spit game and attract the shit out of them, then I'd experiment what happens after...

Life is an experiment for me, and I've always wondered if men can attract women the same way women attract men. For example, a construction worker seeing a woman walk around topless.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Neal-

The problem with this kind of waiting is it's all still waiting. You wait for a girl to put you in the friend zone. Then you wait for her to be attracted enough. Then you wait for the 'right moment' to ask her out - a moment which never comes. I know, I did this for years.

Some girls will ask you out. But when you are in 'wait mode', women's asks are usually so subtle and so quick you will not realize what it was until it's already passed. And at that point, she will feel like you rejected her, and will be in auto-rejection. This is perhaps the most frustrating part of 'the waiting game' - when you finally get your chance, you don't realize it until the chance has already passed.

I understand the feeling of wanting to be 'allowed' to do something. But if you want real progress, sooner or later you will have to challenge that and move past it. You will have to say to yourself, "I am going to go do something hard and painful, and talk to women I'm not 'allowed' to talk to, enough different women, until I learn how to talk to any woman I want and have her instantly choose to allow me to talk to her."

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

You got me. I do find myself doing this at times and then I push myself and go for it.
It's funny, there were times I got approached or the girl was doing the chasing...
Which is why I have the temptation to wait for them to do it in the first place...
I've always wondered how I can make those rare times happen more...

Re: Reactions vs. results, one sided?
This is more of a philosophical thought I had on the concept.
Just food for thought.

So we get it.
Results are much better than reactions.
It's beaten a lot into our minds on this site.

If she's smiling and being friendly and warm, it's all reactions.
Social calibration is important (she's open to conversation, go for it).
But is this all one sided?

Meaning, are we only interpreting the good reactions and telling ourselves, "Reactions mean nothing" and then demanding results? Whereas if a girl gave bad reactions (she doesn't reply, ignores you, or doesn't give you much attention upon your approach), we take it as "Reactions mean a lot and to escalating the rejection, we move on".

Which to me, seems one sided.
Good reactions? Take them with grain of salt, go for results.
Bad reactions? (Including approach, all interactions and even sexual escalation)
Wish her a good day. Move on.

I'm curious, perhaps there's more to the puzzle than nexting upon bad reactions.
Thoughts?

Re: Classroom and Maybe's

To add on your article for "Time wasters if you see girls do these things"
I notice if a girl says, "Maybe" when you ask her out, tends to be time wasters too.

The girl in class did this when I FINALLY can catch her at class early where we can have a few words.
And said "Maybe"

I know where this is going, it's a no. Question is, I asked her out for the week after the exam. There's classes between now and that time. do I still sit with her until that week and follow up and see how it goes or just disappear and move on to the next girl already?

Re: College cold approaching
I remember seeing your comment about how you did many of these in college.
Then I saw your article and you said in comment "How it's tricky to cold approach in college and it usually doesn't pan out". So a bit of a conundrum I want some clarification.

Since I do do cold approach from times, walking past a girl then turning around and catching up to her and open.

Thanks,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

I advise results over reactions both good AND bad.

If she is warm and flirty, try to escalate. Find out if it's for real.

Likewise, if she is cool and bitch, try to escalate. Find out if it's for real. Let the results guide your actions from there.

For instance, if you walk up to her and she snubs you, reaction thinking would be, "She isn't interested. Well fine. Goodbye!" Results thinking would be, "She's acting bitchy. Let's see what happens when I ask her for compliance."

If she does not comply, and you've tried a few things, then okay, move on. You weren't able to get results. But you may be surprised at how often some girls will act bitchy, then go along with your requests regardless. It's almost as many as will act flirty, but refuse to go along with them.

The girl in class did this when I FINALLY can catch her at class early where we can have a few words. And said "Maybe" I know where this is going, it's a no.

Good response to this: "I don't like 'maybe', it's an ambiguous response. So I'll tell you what, I'm going to give you my phone and you can put your number in, and we will text, and... MAYBE... we will set up a date." If she declines, then you can tell her, "How can it be a maybe if I'm never going to see you again? Put your number in so we can stay in touch; then it's a 'maybe'. Otherwise it's a 'no'. Number is 'maybe', no number is 'no'. You can put your number in right here [point]." If she talks about seeing you again after you just say, "Yeah, but who knows how much we'll even talk, or I mean am I supposed to ask you out again next week and you say maybe again next week, I don't want to do that. Just put your number in and we'll figure it out over text."

I remember seeing your comment about how you did many of these in college. Then I saw your article and you said in comment "How it's tricky to cold approach in college and it usually doesn't pan out". So a bit of a conundrum I want some clarification.

Most of my college cold approaches were primarily at bars and nightclubs, though I did do street stops, student lounges, cafeterias, the gym, etc. Some classroom. My 'tricky' comment I don't remember exactly, but I presume is most likely about the trickiness of approaching her in a situation where she's not drunk and is afraid other people she knows might see her and judge her for interacting with a random guy. May also be about the lower frequency of approaches you will want to do in typical college settings, because you don't want to be "that guy who approaches every girl on the street all the time." From time to time you should be fine though. That won't be enough to turn you into "that creepy guy who hits on every girl."

Chase

Motiv's picture

Ever since Varoon reviewed The Rational Male early this year, I ended up down a rabbit hole of amazing literature: The Rational Male (top favorite), 48 Laws of Power, Art of Seduction, Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty (2nd favorite), and The Game (disturbing but very need-to-know stuff).

*Skip to paragraph 5 for main topic. I know my comments can get long…

I came to “the game” very late: lost my virginity at 34 and still have a lingering fear of intimacy with women to date (38 now). Ironically, I write this comment while laying next to a married woman in the master bedroom of her home (snoring very loudly at 4 a.m. here :P… most men might classify her an HB 6.5-7). This arrangement allows me to remain squarely in the “alpha fucks” part of her brain and minimizes her press for commitment due to the social and professional risk that would mean for her.

Thus far, we have had a strong sexual bond two years and running, likely due to our mutual lack of sexual experiences and having high sex drives. I might even chalk it up to our working together in the same field professionally. If this were a conventional relationship, you might call us a “power couple.”

After four years of subscription to GC, my own lay account is under ten women (from zero when I first stumbled into your community), but I learned a year in that I need to take this journey slow for my own mental health’s sake. OK, enough update on my defiling activity instigated by the corrupters at GC (haha, but seriously love you guys).

==> My main point in this comment is to bring attention to the male coquette. My favorite character in Art of Seduction is Andy Warhol: the “natural-born loser” who ends up making it big by giving in to his natural passivity and ignoring people.

There is a particularly beautiful blonde (at least an HB 9 or 10) whom I run into once every several months. Back in early spring, she hugged me a VERY long time out of the blue just before I took my leave in a tapas lounge. Then about two months ago, she scratched my shoulder as she left the bar with whom appeared to be a date, while I sat next to my married HB 6.5. My point is, I seem to have persistent IOI’s from a girl with whom I have put zero effort into attracting (outside the diligent work I apply to my passive fundamentals: lean-muscular physique, long hair with highlights, well dressed).

Often in general, I will sit deliberately alone in a nice bar, dressed to the nines and totally wrapped in my iPhone (praise be to technology these days!). Sooner or later an HB 7 or so approaches me with a submissive, mischevous look on her face and says something like, “hey guy, you having a good night??” Perhaps genetically good looks, tight fundamentals, and a solid understanding of female psychology can make up for lack of game.

I find that when I start talking, my mouth tends to run amuck… anti-seductive speech comes out (at least in my opinion: I get talky and goofy). When I focus on being more my true introverted self, the air of mystery seems to attract beautiful women’s attention (and affection) quite regularly. Perhaps I could be getting laid more frequently if I went about approaching directly, but I really like knowing a woman is just that into me before I escalate.

Chase, I know you are a fan of doing “scads of approaches,” but I would love to know more your thoughts on the power of passivity.

Cheers,
-M

She enters your world… not the other way around.
Tweak your way to the top ;)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Mischief-

Yes, this can definitely work. It has to be a lifestyle choice though, and it has to be largely a man who does not care too much about getting laid. e.g., a man who is incredibly absorbed in his work (like Warhol). There's nothing wrong with the male coquette style (and plenty right with it) if it aligns with your objectives.

The problem this article aims at is that there are a lot of men who should not be coquettes and are not happy in a coquette role who turn themselves into coquettes out of apathy or fear. If a man ends up sexually frustrated or depressed or bitter while also running coquette game, it's a clear indication he is running a style of game that is not going to get him where he wants.

If you're naturally inclined toward the male coquette role, and are happy with the amount and quality of women who fall into your lap when you run it, there's no conflict there at all.

For the guys who try this only to end up bitter and alone, however, the advice must be "Quit waiting for girls to come to you. Go get the ones you want yourself, instead."

Chase

SZ's picture

Hey Chase, had some questions.

1. I notice that I tend to have worry and fear about everything; I don't want to do online dating because I don't want to be found out im using it and look like a lame. I am nervous to call people on the phone for the fear of looking stupid or asking stupid questions. I'm like that with everything in life, how do I stop these thoughts of bad scenarios happening?

2. If I use tinder or anything online and a girl asks for my social media, and I don't use it, nor would I want to give it to them, but they say it's for comfort to see in real or whatever, how would I avoid that being a problem?

Also should we ask for their social media to see if their catfish or not? I don't have any, but I would look from someone else's account.

3. Where can I find women in the 24-30 range with no kids, marriage, divorced, or baggage? I would like those types to mostly date. Hopefully they're not all ambitious women, I like submissive women,hope there are a lot of single women in that age range that are single for me to date.

4. Dealing with younger girls 18-20, I always felt weird about, even when I was 22 I felt 18 and 19 was young, but if I find a fine one, I wouldn't mind. I just have this weird thought of the age gap, and being looked down on because of the age gap. How do feel about women those ages? What your experience? What should I do? Are they too young? Should I even go for women that young?

4. There's a bunch of black guys I know and I don't know that talk very bad about their 30s. There's this one guy who just turned 30 and he said it's horrible, he can't get any girls without lying about his age and other guys talk about how old they are and how much dating sucks when you're in your 30s. Really makes me sad to hear this, but I wanted to ask is this life for the average 30s man? Is it all over for him for dating pretty girls? Or are these guys below average you think? Mind you, these are black men and they talk that confidence shit and all of that, but they say it's over. I was just wondering if it's normal to have a sucky dating life in your 30s or do these guys just suck a lot, below average?

5. I read an article where you said to improve your fundamentals every single day, I am not sure how to do that, and I have never thought about it like that, but I would like to know how I can do this everyday and see improvement.

6. I remember you telling me to live life, you telling me to not give a fuck about what others think and date who I want and have adventures no matter what age?

7. Do you believe in going out a lot during the week to build momentum? I kind of agree, after a while of not going out, I get super rusty, nervous, and unconfident after going out once a week. Think I need to go out more to get more confidence to approach?

Thanks Chase!!!!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

There are three ways I know of to overcome fear:

  1. Do the thing you are afraid of anyway, and continue to do it until you normalize it through exposure and the fear subsides

  2. Use visualization

  3. Get hypnotized

Everything I know about #1 is here:

Everything I know about #2 is here:

And I don't know anything about #3 except that I know there are people who swear it works. Hypnotica (former pick up artist; now runs a strip joint) in San Diego is a licensed practioner of this. There are plenty of other hypnotists throughout the U.S. I don't know how you would find them, I guess use Google (or maybe Yelp).

#2 - "I left social media years ago. Too much gossip and drama on there, it's like being in a women's club!" or "Oh, I'm not on social media anymore. Used to spend way too much time and energy trying to be Internet cool when I was younger."

Couldn't tell you about women's social media, I don't ask for that.

#3:

#4 - my experience was that when I was 18-20, most 18-20 year olds did not want me. But now that I'm in my 30s most of them seem to want me. Plus a few weirdos who don't for whatever reason. But those chicks are just weird. I don't know what you 'should' do; I don't deal in shoulds (don't find it constructive). I will leave it for your priest or preacher to tell you what you should or should not do.

Dating younger gets hardre as you get older for average men. It gets easier as you get older for exceptional men. Details on that here:

Also, what happened to "This is the last time I will ask about age"?

#5 - you brush your teeth every day, right? (I mean, I hope so) Eat lunch every day? Get dressed every day. These are just habits. Pick something you want to work on, and work on it every day.

#6 - sounds like something I would say.

#7 - in general, yes.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

Do you think there would be a lot of age discrimination if you try to get a trade in your 30s?

I heard that they all want young guys like 18-22, even after 22 I heard that people would consider them old for trades.

I want to do a trade, but don't want to waste my time learning it, to either be turned away or making 10 an hour as a 30 something apprentice.

If I can't do that, what would you recommend for a 30 something to get a career in?

Anonymous 's picture

Hey Chase,

1) How would I go to bars alone? It's so weird to me because it seems like everyone knows each other and ill look like a weirdo if I'm by myself trying to talk to girls. I can't even talk to girls at bars with friends, how would I even do it alone without looking awkward?

I actually semi tried it once; my friends went somewhere and I peeled off to see how I felt, even then I felt so weird, i had no idea what to do or who to talk to because every girl seemed so occupied with their friends.

Do people even go to bars alone normally?

2) I looked at your about page, so if my math is correct, you achieved absolute abundance/mastery in 5 years after you started your journey. How long do you think it would take us guys since we already have the tools to get good at this? How much do you think this will cut the learning curve by? 2 years? 3 years?

How many times have you went out a week during your 5 years? I want to emulate what you did.

If you have different advice, let me know.

With where I'm at, the nightlife sucks! The only good days are Saturdays, so I don't know what to do about that.

3) is absolute abundance the same thing as mastery?

4) for me to get good with this within a year or two, how much and how long should I go out to meet girls?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

#1:

#2: I cannot give you a number for that. Different men have wildly different start points, wildly different learning aptitudes, and wildly different abilities to put their noses to the grindstone and get the work done. You could do it in 12 months or you might not do it in 10 years. Seems like the average guy who has good material and is a hard worker gets there somewhere in the middle of Year 3.

#3: Depends what you consider 'mastery'. For me, I'd say so - a guy who can go out and get women whenever he wants, and get the highest caliber women whenever he wants, is probably a master. But it depends on your definition.

#4: Depends how good you want to get. A good start point though is 3 days a week, 4+ hours per outing, 5-10 approaches per outing. And two other days a week on which you have dates. Also, you should be chatting and flirting with women every day of the week as you go about your day. Do all this and you will have a very solid at-least-intermediate level of skill in a year's time.

Chase

A's picture

I'm extremely lethargic; I am in my bed all day on my phone and it has been like this for years. I have no motivation to do anything, from working out, working, girls. I just get up eat and get back in my bed on my phone, then I sleep and repeat the process. I want to stop this, but it's so hard, I have zero motivation and zero confidence I can do anything. I love my bed, it's so cozy and I just stay in it and I'm always in my house. There's no worse feeling than knowing you should be doing something, but you're lethargic to do anything.

Another problem I have is that I look at the task step by step, I think if all of the things I have to go through to finish something, so it makes it harder.

If you have any idea on what I can do to stop this, I would be grateful.

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Chase Amante's picture

Could be depression or could be a medical issue. There is a big problem with lethargy in the West right now that is outside of normal depression and comes down to health. My suggestions:

  1. Is it depression? Try this process if so.
  2. If not depression, see a physician and get bloodwork done.
  3. If not depression and physician cannot find anything, see a functional medicine specialist.

Also check out The Quantified Body Podcast. The founder (Damien) overcame a similar debilitating lethargy. One of our more senior forum members is dealing with this lethargy. I talked to Damien about this, and he claims it's a huge epidemic in the West. Said as soon as he started his podcast and began talking about this he just got floods and floods of emails from people saying they were going through the same exact thing. Quite weird. Just volumes of people sapped of drive and motivation, that seems to be something different from depression, but is not diagnosable by Western medicine.

So I'd check out that podcast and see a functional medicine specialist if you find out it's not depression and it's not diagnosable by Western medicine.

Chase

Ryan's picture

I perfectly understand on a rational basis that waiting is ineffective. Unfortunately my fears paralize me when i get the rare occasion to meet interesting woman. Its not making it easier for me to be 31 in a small town with no idea where to meet girls. The only hope i see is work or gym. The burden to ask woman out is for me like the worst thing about beeing a men and i doubt that i will do it unless someone forces me to do so with a gun at my head.

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