Why Won't Women Just Say What They Want? | Girls Chase

Why Won't Women Just Say What They Want?

Chase Amante

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women won't say what they want
Women use ambiguity for three (3) reasons: to expose a man’s true colors, to retain room to maneuver, and to preserve their social reputations.

Maybe an hour ago, I finished reviewing a lesson from The Dating Artisan, part of my upcoming master class on succeeding with women. For each of these videos, I have to review once to make sure there’s nothing that snuck in we should edit out (our DoP’s toes sneaking into the frame have been a constant annoyance), as well as to add text and citations I want added. Then I have to review the final video a second time to make sure everything checks out. Each of these videos is around 50 minutes long on average, and there are about 50 of them... so you can imagine why it’s taking me so long (that, and that we still need to build the site / file delivery system / etc. for this thing).

Anyway, at multiple points in this lesson, our actress on the shoot claims she would not like if a guy did something to her I described (in the case I’ll tell you about, it was slapping a naughty girl on the butt). Meanwhile, even as she claims this, she laughs and becomes excited and flirtatious. At one point I highlight this and say, “She’s saying ‘no’, but at some point with a guy she likes, it’s going to be ‘yes’.” If you’re at all good at reading women’s signals, it’s pretty obvious when viewing the clip how the idea affects her. Not only does she get excited in the moment, but her flirting and laughter dial up dramatically after this incident for the rest of the lesson.

If you’re an old pro, you see a situation like this and grin and go, “Yeah... girls!” You love it. It’s fun. It’s a big part of what makes the whole thing exciting.

But if you’re not so good with girls yet, this is likely to be a point of major frustration for you. “Why the living bleeding hell won’t women just say what they want?”

Because sometimes they do.

But other times they don’t.

Sometimes they say exactly what they want. Sometimes they say the opposite of what they want.

How the heck is a guy who’s not good with women yet supposed to decipher all this?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Thelema's picture

Masterful article again, Chase. I cannot comment on it till I try and test some of the points you've made anew, but they ring true - and I can't wait to do so!

As an aside, you have covered most every angle of the dating and pickup scene in detail, and a lot of your current pieces are large (important) touchstone articles that fill in blanks or link chunks of knowledge. But there is one skill, one piece of the puzzle you haven't unlocked yet - or if you have, you certainly haven't let on! I wonder if you are interested in figuring out the last challenge? Or perhaps sharing it with us if you have, even if it may be misused by some less scrupulous or sane individuals?

See, I have a friend who is married, and I look at this couple and go, now THAT'S a marriage. My relationships seem pointless and kinda sad by comparison to the torrent of power and achievement of these two. But it came from a rather unorthodox place. A place you - and every serious dating coach - has always said basically, doesn't really exist.

As you have told us, and as everyone knows; even for guys with their game on, there is a category of girls that, well, 'just aren't interested'. You do everything right but you just irritate / disgust / bore that PARTICULAR girl. And for beginners, for busy guys, for guys who want a fast lay, guys who want a compatible girlfriend, and most guys and most times, the correct advice is move on, and find someone who is interested.

But what if you WANT to get that girl who isn't interested? How do you do that?

Why? Well, reason is, my friend did just that. Very strong fundamentals, high value, powerful (extremely wealthy) extrovert salesman. He wanted a particular woman. But he annoyed and disgusted her. NOT her type. She told him in no uncertain terms where to go, numerous times. He persisted with and frankly, stalked, her for months (while of course staying busy and dating other women), dancing on the edge of a restraining order...and wore her down after the better part of a year.

And ... he made the right call. They have been (very) happily and passionately married for 8 years, have 3 kids, and she is the perfect match. She complements him and helps him achieve his (lofty ) ambitions, and is basically a sweet, model wife while still being a dominant badass to other, less dominant men. She runs his household, raises his kids and ALSO does a good share of administering his business empire with competency and efficiency, being his strongest and most dangerous advocate.

Point is, it's difficult to imagine this guy finding someone else who would have worked anywhere near to the degree that she enhances and expands his life and power...yet it was clearly 'not meant to be'. NO sane guy would have done what he did, and if they did they would have failed or maybe ended in prison.

But he saw it, and got the job done, and reaped the rewards. What if you see a perfect match? What if you just like a challenge? There has to be a better, more strategic way of 'getting the not interested girl' than basically year-long attrition of harassment and pestering sales tactics done by a proto-superman.

Thoughts? Advice?

Ryan March's picture

I am not Chase, but I can tell you, your friend has luck. Simple as that. Sometimes you can make her attracted by seeing her over and over again and be persistent (see the "mere-exposure effect"). But you don't really have any control about it because there are too many variables involved and the more you change to impress her you act incongruent and needy.

Many of these friends-frist-lovers-later-relatiosnships might have high levels of harmony but often lack sexual chemistry because of the lack of initial given sexual attraction. It's also an unhealthy and needy mindset to be persistent until hitting the borders of sexual harassment and stalking.

But many guys can't and won't get rid of the fantasy to get any girl by doing the right things. I don't really get it. For me it's a scarcity mindset and an unhealthy idealization by putting "special" women on a pedestal.

Jimbo's picture

Now that's an interesting take. What if you think a girl is a truly perfect match? She has the body type you want, the facial features and colors you want, and the personality you want! Having all that in one isn't very common. And it's not like when you just want a hookup, or you're still in your "playing the field" phase, no you want to get married, so you're gonna raise your standards, which means the good candidates will be fewer and far between, so if you come across one who fits the bill, it would be a shame if she slipped through your fingers just like that because you happened to give her a bad impression that particular moment or something. A bit of persistence would be in order.

Now obviously I would've never persisted to the extent that friend of yours did with that women, and that's for three main reasons:

1) She's not my type. Like, not at all, the exact opposite. Mine is more "be pretty and shut up, rear the kids, keep the house tidy and remain sexually available, while I take care of business and steer the ship", I don't want her to be a "strong and dangerous" advocate, nor dominant with anyone (even other men), and it'd be a cold day in hell before a woman runs my house. I like a girl in a woman's body, in short, and those traits just make a woman unfeminine and less attractive in my eyes. But to each his own.

So suppose I found the type of girl I want (physically + in personality). I'd definitely persist when it comes to marriage if she happens to have most of the traits I'm looking for. (Chase btw I read your 'wife and mother' article a couple of times and found your screening process (last part of the articlee) pretty useful, also brought to my attention the imporance of her beliefs, or most importantly how strong are her beliefs and convictions; opinionated chicks ain't for me - so thanks for that). But would my persistence be months-long like your friend's? Still no. And that's for the two remaining reasons:

2) She's still not that unique. Meaning I still come across women of my type that I'd wife up fairly regularly. They're fewer and far between than the women I'd just bang, but they're not on the verge of extinction. So, as long as...

3) I can get chicks, I'll just keep on hunting till I come across another one that fits my type. I'm planning on marrying five years from now so I still have enough time to scour the field.

And I think it's the case for most men, which is why most men never go to these lengths for one particular woman. But with all that said, I'd still like Chase to consider doing an article on how to try and "grow" on a girl who's clearly not into you, because you never know you might meet a girl who's just too perfect for you and you have to get her or not let her slip away.


Oh and Chase, I know this is off-topic, and maybe not your area of expertise, but you're knowledgeable about a lot of stuff so I'd like to run this through you. So I've been having this idea of opening a school for languages, for people who want to learn foreign languages and even English, either from scratch or for improvement. I want to start some kind of business in the next 12 months, and I'm leaning on this one because I speak fluent Spanish and French so I could teach a lot of the courses myself, which I did in the past -- I used to tutor middle- and high-schoolers in those two languages, I'd even started to devise a program of the lessons and all, which I stopped halfway when I started with a full-time job (separate field). So what do you think of that, you think it's a good idea? A few thoughts from you would be highly appreciated.

Chase Amante's picture


Hmm, well. Couple of thoughts.

First, I have had a friend who did well selling a language learning course. However, he spent about 6 months on market research first, to determine what market he could enter where the competition was not to fierce and he'd be able to rise fast to the top with all the marketing he'd studied. Did great there for a while, though eventually the competition caught up to him, the market there slumped, and now he hardly makes any money with it (though he's got a nice big savings cushion built up that'll keep him flush for a while).

I also ran a student/education-focused business back in 2011/2. We found a terrific niche with lots of opportunity, but we underestimated both the competition and how business and clients were acquired in the niche. I ended up losing a boat of cash on that project, and sold it at a steep loss, though the business itself today is profitable, venture-funded, and doing quite well; the guys who took it over were much more careful about not making the mistakes I and my cofounders made with it early on.

So I guess I would float those as two examples of good market research / marketing preparation vs. poor market research / marketing preparation. My friend's business being the properly researched one, where he focused on choosing a good market for it, and making sure his marketing was in a good position to beat his competitors (he'd spent a lot of time studying info marketing products, too), versus my "this looks great, let's just jump right in and I'm sure we'll figure it out as we go!" approach, which ended disastrously (partner in-fighting, lots of lost money, an office full of crying employees when I had to announce we were closing and letting everyone go after they'd worked so hard to make it work, etc.).

Perhaps one recommendation would be to start small, do some coaching one-on-one, training individual language students in off-hours / when you have free time, that way you can get a good feel for the market, what the demand is, what the pain points are, etc., before you invest any significant energy or capital into a new business.


Jimbo's picture

Yeah I think that's it, I'll just do a good market research before going in, research about competition (how many similar schools are there in the area, if any), and about demand (are these schools packed?) until I find an area that's low in the former and high in the latter. And I'll start small obviously.

Thanks for your pointers man!

Chase Amante's picture


Sure, it's doable. I'm pretty sure I've shared the story on here before (perhaps multiple times) of the girlfriend I took early on in my dating career I had to hound like this. Spent months calling her trying to get her out on dates, finally did, she was outright disgusted by me and wanted nothing to do with me, but, like your friend, I wore her down and got her.

Many girls you talk to will have a story like this. It's really not that uncommon. If you talk to a lot of girls, start asking them, "Hey, have you ever dated a guy you didn't want to date at ALL, but he persisted for months or longer and eventually got you?" You'll get a lot of girls who say yes. Michael Caine (the actor) met his second wife this way; he saw this girl in a magazine, thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, got her number from a friend, and just called her every day for 10 days straight until she agreed to a date with him.

The outcome is not guaranteed to be blissful. The girlfriend I got by doing it was fantastic, and we had a really well-matched relationship (and incredible sexual chemistry). And I've heard of other great relationships that have started this way. But I've also had a lot of girls tell me this kind of story, and it ends with, "Yes, we got together finally after he hounded me for months, but the relationship was not very good and we split up soon after." (actually, one of the girls in my new product talks about this; this guy hounded her for a long time, finally they got together, and, she said, it soon became apparent that "there was a reason why I didn't want to date him").

I don't know any secrets to it other than "persist". Use the bonding phone call if all you can do is get her on the phone (I perfected my bonding call with that early girlfriend; I'd have several 40+ minute calls with her a week, always trying to get her out on dates but her always declining). I couldn't tell you what the odds are persisting works. I only did it once, and that one time, it worked. Hard to extrapolate from a sample size of one, though, and I haven't seen any studies on this.

I'm wary of recommending this to guys, just because I don't want to see a lot of guys hounding/stalking girls and wasting all their time on women who are not interested. But if you're confident and you have that kind of ability to turn will into reality (if you have it, you know what I mean by this), this is something I suspect you can pull off more often than not if you are committed enough to getting the girl.

I suppose one bonus of this method is that a.) you invest a lot more to get her, which makes you value her more highly, but also b.) you cause her to overcome a great deal of resistance, and eventually bend to your frame, which is an act of great submission. So both you and her come to value each other more highly, assuming you pull this off well.

The interest seems to happen over time. It seems the big change in her is that at some point she says, "Wow, this guy is really persistent. He's obviously very confident and dogged. He actually has some pretty good traits." And then there's also life circumstances; you're the guy who's always there, always available to go out with her, so when she ends up in a place where she's going, "Screw it, I just want someone to take me out on a date," and there you are, popping up once again, she opts for you. The more persistent you are, I suppose, the higher the probability you have of making yourself available at exactly the time she's looking for a man who's available for her.

(even still, to other readers, my general advice stands: if she isn't biting, your best choice is usually going to be to move on, and perhaps circle back to her sometime later to ping her again)


Thelema's picture

Thanks for the long-form thoughtful answer. Two questions: What are your thoughts Chase on employing a girlfriend or wife as your second / lieutenant in such a fashion, rather in just her usual feminine areas of activity?
Contrary to the other poster above (thanks for your reply too), my friend, let's call him Gary, was not short on options. He lives in a different social strata to me now (he's worth somewhere between one and three hundred million and I am...not), but when he was catching his now-wife, he was 'only' a multi-millionaire salesman. He seemed to just know he needed an intimate partner he could trust with parts of his job as well as his kids and heart, and that she was it. Is this wise for most men?

Two: I can definitely see the 'dogged persistence' being misused by certain people, and your usual advice is observably more successful overall. But a confluence of unique circumstances lead me to look into this - Firstly watching my friend pull of this absurd turn around, and having it work out so well for him. Then secondly meeting a woman who, despite dating and sleeping with a half dozen (apparently hotter) girls since her rejecting me, is still the most interesting and attractive woman I've ever met. She is a perennial flirt and changes boyfriends every three months, but if I were to list your 'wife / mum' checklist, that is her sole flaw/questionable point - she's particularly excellent with kids and is dropping hints everywhere that her cluckiness and settle-down instinct is kicking in hard. Every other box is firmly ticked, so the skin in the game here is a proper baby-mama, which my pickings for have been thin on the ground despite many lovely lasses.
So how persistent should I be? My friend's philosophy was simply "when she calls the cops is when I stop and not before". And, am I an idiot? I'm aware I'm 'in love' with her, but that sort of nonsense usually burns off after a couple of months and this hasn't.

Arrow's picture

Good read! I've read many articles about different types of women, but I never read anything more specific on how to game celebrity girls (minor, major, actresses, singers, whatever). So, if any one of the GC authors has experience with such girls, it would be awesome to read an article (or series) on that topic.

P.S. Chase, did you ever get to visit Bulgaria? If yes, how did you like it?

Chase Amante's picture


I'll put it in the queue!

I did do Bulgaria, yes. I quite liked it. The women are lovely, and the architecture in Sofia is gorgeous. I stayed in a quite nice old apartment with a creaky 1930s German elevator with the gate you have to close and everything (I've seen that a lot in EE apartment buildings, actually), which added to the charm. Great country.


Ryan March's picture

One of the most, if not THE most spot on and truth-in-your-face article in the dating scene. Let's focus men on signals (results) rather than noise (reactions), which can mean anything and breaks through blabbering bullshit about "creating attraction" (the notion which was the most time-waster and often put me into over-gaming category the first years I was onto the whole dating stuff). In the end, it's about flipping the script. No longer "I hope she likes me game" (as Chris from GLL names it) but "What will happen next if I do X", which also liberates a man's mind to get into curious experimentation and real learning.

Great work, Chase. Rock on!

Jimbo's picture

For a man, the worst reputation hits all center on his masculine value:

He’s a coward
He’s a turncoat
He’s weak

I'd add a fourth one: he's useless (or has little to no social/group/market value).

Chase Amante's picture


Yes, that's another giant one. Good addition.


Neal's picture

Hey Chase, got a very simple question for you.

You're messaging a girl on-line or phone, and you compliment her, tell her how you feel, and such.

How long is it she's supposed to reveal reciprocity? For compliments or how she feels.

Rather than say a length in days or weeks, how bout say amount of conversation, rather. [You could be messaging her on and off for weeks.].


Chase Amante's picture


Not entirely sure what you mean by reveal reciprocity. Are you talking about her complimenting you back after you compliment her? Or are you wondering how long it takes a girl to warm up to you? Or do you mean how much talking should she do after you compliment her, tell her you dig her, etc.?

I'm going to presume you mean the last option (how much talking does she do after you compliment her). Answer is "It depends."

She may jump into telling you her life story after you compliment her, or she may just say thanks. Neither one is a clear indication of where you stand with her. I've had girls in online dating answer with just "thanks" and gotten them out on dates and in bed, and I've had girls tell me their life stories yet never meet up with me (and also vice versa - girls who say thanks then vanish, and girls who tell you their story and end up in your bed).

Different girls respond in different ways. Compliments are useful for the effects they have on girls, but you won't always know those effects until later on. Might not even know until you've slept with her, and ask her when she knew she wanted to meet up with you and she mentions that conversation.


Neal's picture

Chase, so you're saying women will open up to you, after you already date them or bed them?


Why even say yes to a date if they won't open up to you. Oh well.

Dale's picture

While you give a very good description of what and why women do these things, you make them sound a lot better at it than most are. I have had women who had put me in auto-rejection a decade or more break down and cry because I was marrying someone else.

Chase Amante's picture


Keep in mind, your and their positions change over time.

Women are powerful when young, while men are relatively weaker. But as time goes on, women's looks fade, how in-demand they are wanes, and they watch men they thought might commit to them leave them for someone else. Then they see the guy they rejected in the past, now higher status, with a better job, in better shape, more confident, more successful romantically, etc.

When all you want is to get married, and you see some person you rejected get married (especially if it's to an attractive spouse), the emotion you feel is, "Jesus, is my whole life a fuck-up?"

This is the loss of power women are forced to grapple with as they age. It's unpleasant, and modern society does not prepare them well for the changes they go through in life. Sadly, most women are cast out into the world, told they can have anything they want, and are forced to meet reality all by themselves in hard ways later on. The parenting hasn't been that good the past few generations, and society in general has quit preparing young people (especially women) for what lies in store for them.


a-jay's picture

Wow. I'm stunned after reading this. I've heard about the power change as we age, but never thought about it in depth. What an eye opener.

Anonymous's picture


What is a weak man to you?

Both with dating and with men?

How does a man not appear weak, and a coward like you say in life in general?

How would a man transform from that to a strong man?

Just curious to know.

I had another question too.

With having a baby mama

How do you even bring those topics up about the family? When you screen her for their history?

How do you even bring that up without sounding weird as hell?

I'd like to know

Chase Amante's picture


'Weak', like anything, is in the eye of the beholder.

If she thinks you're weak, you're weak (to her). If she thinks you're strong, you're strong (to her).

Generally speaking, if you have strong frame control, are confident, and pass her tests, she will view you as strong. If your frame control with her is flimsy, you seem unconfident, and/or you fail her tests, she'll tend to view you as weak.

Best way to 'toughen up' is exposure to various challenges in social situations and train yourself to come out on top. A focus on the Law of Least Effort and sprezzatura will help direct your efforts; perceived social power is visible results divided by visible effort.

Re: screening for wives and mothers:

Direct the conversation where you want it to go, and you can make talking about anything natural.

Alternately, you can ask in a sudden, high energy way, as if something has just occurred to you and you're very curious / excited / interested. Then when she wants to know why, link it back to something you read or watched. "Hey! Are your parents still married? How'd they split up? ... Oh. Well, the reason I ask was I just read this research on how depending on the age your parents divorce at, it can have these radically different effects. It's actually better if they divorce when you're young; if it happens when you're a teenager, it has the worst long-term effects. So I guess it's good they split when you were young. I mean, would've been better had they not of course, but if you've got to do it, better do it sooner."


Black's picture

What up Chase,

I was wondering how can I slow time down?

Time is going super fast for me, it's like things I remember from like 5 years ago felt only like 2.

Shit, this week I can't believe it's been a week already this fast, I remember last week like it was this week.

You know how I can slow time down and enjoy it?

I read your comment about muscles and wanted to know what you meant by diminishing returns?

Are you saying muscles are or that if you don't have that top 1% it is?

What do you mean by diminishing returns?

And I just got done reading a comment about a McDonald's date.

Isn't an ice cream date the same? Wouldn't that be like a counter date too? So how would that work, shit, how would a park walk or window mall shopping date work?

Can I take all my girls on these free dates and still get some?

I don't go on dates a lot so it's all new to me. What are other good dates and does the girl's age matter for those dates you spoke of?

Thanks bro!

Chase Amante's picture


Beats me. If you figure out a way to slow down time, let me know, 'cause I'd like to know too.

Generally speaking, as you get older, time seems to speed up. There are various theories as to why. One, for example, is that when you're young, you have comparatively fewer memories and much less time to look back on. So every moment right now seems comparatively longer. When you're older, compared to all the time that's already passed, time seems to fly by. Other theories are older people are busier, or tuned out more, so time goes by faster.

Though I guess if you're waiting in the doctor's office to find out whether you have ball caner or not, or stuck in a jail cell for some heinous crime, or something like that, time will still move pretty slow.

With muscles, past the "guy has visible muscles" point, there's not much difference in the boost to your attraction between, say, the guy who concentration curls 20 lb. dumbbells and the guy who concentration curls 35 lb. dumbbells. However, if you reach the point where you're concentration curling 65 lbs., like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime, you get that big "top 1%" boost.

Check out these articles on dates:

That should get you started for now. I think once you start going on dates, you'll find they're not so confusing once you're on them (if you planned out the date structure in advance, anyhow!). I devote an entire lesson to dates in my upcoming course, and I'll release a podcast on these to the newsletter list in the next month or so, so stay tuned, as there's plenty more detail on dates coming.


Thelema's picture

Hi Chase. Thanks for all your carefully considered answers here, it's a great thread to read.
I'm delighted/honored to be able to offer you some information in return for once - how to 'slow' time, and why it seems to speed as you age.

So basically, time is relative...but not just at near-light-speed math calculations :)
The human mind may experience time as a series of discrete instants, but if so those instants are extremely short, so short there may as well be a continuum. The perception of time is therefore hugely variable, as it depends how many instants or moments you 'notice' or 'think/feel/act' inside of. More perceived time = slower time. Less perceived time = accelerated time.

Examples / 'Proof':
If you space-out on the lawn in the sun (with or without chemical assistance), and think one thought an hour, your afternoon will vanish in an instant. On the other extreme, if you survive a life-or-death situation in which you made a half a hundred split second decisions and judgements and actions, it may have lasted 10 minutes but it will feel like a week went by.
This is consistent from personal experience and the stories of many soldiers, police and medics I know.
More in the middle ground of every day experience, ever had a busy morning where you got up at 5:30 and went to 5 meetings before lunch? It feels like the whole day should have gone by. Ever gotten up sleepy at 8, and managed to make one phone call and have a bite to eat before lunch? Where the hell did the time go, right?

So if you do more, in less (objective) time, time slows. If you do less, or more correctly, *live slower*, time speeds. This should be obvious from zoology. Do you think Mayflies 'experience' only a single day in their surface lives?

The corollary to this is that as you age, you slow down. Physically, mentally and morally/value-wise. You adopt and can tolerate less and less change. A car speeding past you wouldn't have noticed at 17 troubles you for half an hour at 68. So time starts to rush and vanish. And before you know it you're really old. Meanwhile I remember living entire lifetimes in some exciting summery days as a kid.
So that's the heuristics of it.

Theory - as the body's intolerance of change (and remember, as far as human experience is concerned, change IS time. Something that is unchanging is literally called 'timeless' by us) increases - falling over and coming to a stop or rapidly changing temperatures that a child wouldn't notice may be nearly fatal to an old person - our mental processes (which themselves may or may not be also physiologically affected by the aging brain) mirror this in an attempt to avoid dangerous change. We don't like new things anymore. We like habit and routine and tradition and rely on it more. Why? It's less likely to kill our old body. Just a theory.

So that seems to be the answer. Hope that was of interest/use.

Anonymous's picture

Being Successful despite the odds.

I was wondering what I could do Chase,

I will be honest, I'm just not that smart and it makes me depressed. I have tried my ass off with my studies for so many years and I'm barely getting better. I'm really bad with the school stuff despite my efforts. I just struggle with school.

I won't let it stop me, but I'm lost. I look at jobs and all of them pay shit, I can't make a living with that. I know jobs require skills to get paid more, but I don't have anything sadly. All the good jobs and careers that I see you have to be smart to get.

I won't go much into it, but I don't want me not being smart get in the way of being successful.
My definition of successful is me making good money to live comfortablely with, or starting a business, I would want to do both. I don't know how much I want to make because I don't want to to cap myself, but I want to make a significant amount of money where I don't feel like I have to struggle. Success is also to me having high value. Getting rich is successful to me too. Having multiple cars, a house, a lot of money.

I'm also black too idk if that matters, but I feel that people won't take me seriously because of that when it comes to a high paying job and business, idk if it matters, just a thought.

I plan to actually go to college, that's my plan right now, but who knows if that will help. I hate thinking I might be ordinary, I want to actually beat this and be more, I don't feel average. I worry on the business side as well because don't you have to be smart to make a business and all of that?

I was wondering what I could do to have a chance of not being ordinary and make some good money even though I'm not that smart.

This was hard to write, thank you Chase.

Chase Amante's picture


Start building a skill set. Some ideas here:

What Career, Trade, or Skill Should I Pursue?

I've met plenty of not smart guys who do quite well because they took the time to learn skills they could then monetize.

This is the only secret. If you want to make money, learn a skill (or two or three) that is in-demand.

All that takes is grit, not smarts. Smarts speed up the learning curve, I suppose. But the success comes from regular focus on the skill, on putting the work in.

Being black is a disadvantage at low skill levels, but an advantage at high skill levels. Businesses clobber each other to get the clean cut black guy with a sharp skill set. When I used to do business consulting, I'd have black male friends who always seemed to make more money and get more promotions than the white guys I knew with similar or superior skill levels, largely because the black guy who's good is a hot commodity. So, again, it comes back to "Do you have the skills or not?" And skill-having is not a smarts thing, it's a discipline thing. Will you put the work in to develop the skill?

Not wanting to be ordinary is a good start. But you need to channel that motivation into excelling at something. "All right, I'm feeling lazy today, but it's time to work on X skill, because the alternative is a life of ordinariness and none of the things I want."


Anonymous's picture

So I went on a black female forum and boy was it crazy. I'm black by the way. They were talking so much shit about black men because this one guy said he wanted a white girl. He didn't say he didn't like black women, but that he wanted a white girl and they went hard at him and all black men. Then they had the nerve to say that no white girls or any other race girls want a black men at all. He would have to be rich and highly educated to get a girl from any race.

That made me Remember times where some black women would randomly say stuff to me about liking different race men, it's fine to me, but it's like they want me to react or something.

All of this shit talking makes me want other race women even more now than before.

1.Do you know why the black women are like this? Like they hate black men, do you think it's just these girls on the Internet ? Can I still sleep with black women who say these types of things ?

2. Does money and education really matter if you're black and want white women? I'm not trying to marry any, but the shit they're talking makes me want them even more now. I read Colt's article on white women, but I really didn't find anything too specific besides being playful. I always hear that white women or women from other races aren't checking for black men, except for the reasons I told you above, and get this, if they're ghetto or if they are fat. Are you kidding me?

I want attractive women period regardless of race. I have never been with a white girl before.

Anyway, do I need a lot money and a high education just to sleep with and maybe get into a relationship with a white girl? Or any other race girl?

3. What are some good ways to stand out to get girls from other races? I'm really motivated now to get all races of women, literally all. What I gotta work on to stand out and get them attracted to me?

4. One more question that I had, I read through comments a lot and saw you wrote that girls care more about emotion instead of their list/criteria for their ideal man. I would really, really love if you broke that down to me more because on that same website, they also have pages were they say they won't date a man unless he makes 100k-350k a year and he has to have such n such. There are girls like this in real life though.

So you can really get women to feel good emotions and all of that and she won't care about her little list? Even if she has a good career and expects you to make a lot of money and what not? That sounds super interesting and makes me excited, but I won't lie, I don't feel confident I can pull that off now.

Does this also work if you're black and she's white for example? I'm trying to be attractive to all women and do this no matter what their list is.

Teach me the ways of emotions! So I can prove all bitter people wrong!

I do plan on being richer and better than their criteria tho ; )

I know it was a lot, but I appreciate the help!

Chase Amante's picture

Almost everybody of every race from both sexes does this.

Black women talk shit on black men who date white women. White women talk shit on white men who date Asian women. White and Hispanic men talk shit on white and Hispanic women who date black men. Asian men talk shit on Asian women who date white men. Asian women talk shit on Asian men who date white women.

It's a combination of auto-rejection / ego defense ("What... that person of my race chose someone of a different race? Does that mean that person is rejecting his race compatriots as less desirable? No! It's that he himself is less desirable, and has a problem!"), as well as social policing, to keep others inline.

Black women have it the hardest of any demographic, at least in the United States. So you'd expect them to have the most vicious responses to black men dating women who aren't black women. It's not that they hate black men, so much that they feel threatened by black men leaving and need to reassure themselves of their value.

Money and education matter to different women in different amounts. For a black guy dating a white woman, these will typically matter more than they will for a white guy dating the same white woman. Though there are white women who will date broke black men (see: 'the ghetto girl'), too. Check out that article just linked to by Colt for black guys who want to date white girls.

Yes, of course, if you ask people to list out what they want, they'll put down a list of demands. Women gain status in the West by showcasing how choosy they are and how hard to get they are, so that's what they do. "A man's got to be RICH to get me!" Whether she actually dates men who make that much money is another matter. There are a lot more women who claim to only date men making $100K and up than there are men who make $100K and up. Either each of these guys has 20 girlfriends, or women say a lot of stuff they don't actually enforce. Pick one ;)

As for "the way of emotions" - read this website. It's what a large portion of this site is about!


SZ's picture

Hey Chase, I wanted to ask a question about a reply you made.

When you said I can find baby mothers in college and look for an education major I remembered something.

There's like an article everyday about how female teachers are sleeping with students all the time, some of them are real cute too. Think that's something to worry about?

Also since she's in college wouldn't that mean she could still be at parties getting fucked and stuff?

You think that's something to worry about? Any other majors you recommend that are good for baby mamas? Why do you think a education major girl would be a good one?

Also, how would you go about having kids with these girls as a 30 something year old to a girl in like her mid 20s? What would be the process? Would you just tell her you want a baby without the marriage. I'd like to know how to go about that.

How would I even approach a girl at a school I don't go to? Idk if I'll even find the right one unless I talk to many of them, which idk if it'll work.

I know it's a lot, but I was going off the cuff. Didn't mean to haha.


Chase Amante's picture


Well, yes. I'd worry about what a girl teaching middle school / high school boys is doing. Certainly a risk factor. Lotta thots out there, and recently it's like the dam broke and these chicks feel like they have permission to shack up with teenage kids now.

Her going to parties, depends what kind of school it is, and how active she is in that school's party scene. Will be a big difference between, say, University of Michigan, versus, say, Wake Forest University. But even in the same school, much will depend on the girl and what her chosen social life is.

You can tell a girl you want a baby without marriage, but here's the deal. This is generally a raw deal for the woman, so she needs to feel like you are worth it, big time. What is exceptional about you? Why would she reproduce with you, in a worse position, instead of take a pass on you and find a guy who offers her a better position? That said, it might be different in the black community; I think the statistic is 73% of black children are born to unwed mothers. Though I'm not sure there's much discussion happening there; I think it's just people shagging without condoms on, the dude busting in the chick, and the chick getting pregnant.


G-Man's picture

You said "Guys who don’t like it don’t like it because they’re forced to expose their true selves to a woman’s evaluation." I do believe you are right in a lot of cases. But however in my case, and im sure many many other mens cases. They dont like it because they are forced to play the game with the woman holding all the cards. While we have to bear it all and leave it all out on the table and risk rejection. Yet a woman has literally no risk of anything, doesn't have to reveal how/who they really are or become even slightly vulnerable. All while shit testing and judging us the entire time. 

If i am to play anything with anyone. I will make sure to try and have an advantage (make them play my game not vice versa) or at the very least not let them start with the upper hand.

P.s- All that said great article very valuable info!!

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