All relationships come with obstacles. Inexperience, jealousy, and societal pressure – just to name a few – can make polyamory particularly challenging.
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Last time, I gave you some examples of my successful attempts at building polyamorous relationships. As anyone who succeeds at anything knows, however, the failures strewn along the path toward success vastly outnumber the cases in which you see favorable outcomes. It's like what they say about pregnancy – everyone congratulates you if you get pregnant, but nobody knows how many times you got screwed. Though I hate how sex-negative that saying is, it still makes for a funny way to demonstrate the point effectively.
I can't possibly document all the failures I've had. Mostly, when things didn't work out, the women involved had explicitly stated that they couldn't imagine being in a polyamorous relationship and expressed significant resistance to the idea of it. Sure, there were times I tried to make things work anyway, but they pretty much never turned into healthy relationships. In such cases, it's best to simply move on or just keep it casual. I'll leave most of those cases out and focus on a select few.
Comments
Guys trying to tool
I've noticed that there are plenty of articles that talk about guys trying to tool you verbally but i'd really like to see one on how to deal with guys who are physically aggressive in a very disrespectful way and it's done in situations that it feels if you do something it won't be socially savvy and if you don't you people will lose respect for you.
AMOG
Hey Fredy,
In pickup, we call what you're describing to be "AMOGing," which stands for "Alpha Male Other Guy," where a guy tries to assert his dominance over another guy through "tooling" as you say or by being aggressive in any other way.
There are many ways to deal with this, but what I generally do is prevent it from ever happening to me in the first place. I do this by setting up a situation in which he has no reason to not be friendly:
1. If there is another guy in a group, I'll smile, give him sufficient attention, show respect, ask him questions about himself, and overall make him feel important. I'm taking the initiative by talking to him first and my overall confidence makes him feel like he's being accepted and welcomed. It's important to do this in a confident way; doing it in a submissive way will only welcome AMOGing.
2. Most of my friends are women and, when I'm out, I'm often one of (if not the) only men(man) in the group. If other guys I don't know happen to show up, I'll introduce him to all the girls, say good things about him after I ask him about himself, and make him feel like I am his source of access to the women. No guy will want to fuck that up by disrespecting me in this scenario. If he's a weirdo or an asshole, we'll find a way to shut him out or ditch him tactfully. This setup requires you to actually have a lifestyle where you are surrounded by women, so make efforts to befriend women whenever possible.
So, you can hit the gym and bulk up to a point where no one would want to be physically aggressive toward you (and you totally should exercise regularly for many more reasons than that), but you can also rely on social skills and the social circle you've built to stave off such aggression.
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