Bitter Women: No, They Are Not “Everywhere” | Girls Chase

Bitter Women: No, They Are Not “Everywhere”

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a GirlsChase.com subscriber? Log in here.

bitter womenLately, the team and I have found ourselves moderating a lot more negative comments on the site than usual. Some of these are from people who believe that seduction is wrong, but a growing number are from people who believe that it's impossible for men to learn how to get women because all women are bitter women who simply aren't interested in men.

It's kind of a strange but interesting viewpoint. On the one hand, clearly SOME women are interested in men, since there're a little over 7 billion of us human beings on the planet. If you look around at the sheer volume of human beings around you - all products of a man picking up a woman at some point in his life, having sex with her, and impregnating her - you start getting the feeling that at least some women somewhere are open to meeting men. At least a couple billion of them, anyway.

On the other hand, I realize that there are some jaded women out there. I see the terms "bitches" and "feminazis" thrown around a good bit as examples of terrible people who make men feel bad about themselves. But, honestly, I have a really hard time meeting any women like this in real life - for the life of me, I don't know where all these "bitches and feminazis" who hate men actually are.

And even if they really exist... I only have one question for the guys who are so upset about them: who said you had to date those girls?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

The M's picture

Hey Chase,

Glad you liked The Anchorman video - hope girls' reactions to Obsession were a little more...subdued. ;)

I have some questions, and some related thoughts, about social circle and group settings:

1) Mindset: What should my mindset be when talking to girls in group settings? I think it should be "I came here to learn this activity well (or enjoy myself), have fun, and be social with people," rather than, “I came here to try to pick up the cute girls!" It feels wrong to give off that kind of vibe, and everyone knows you're there to try to score rather than to learn or just have a good time.

2) The "boyfriend switch": I seem to have the "Does she have a boyfriend?" switch in the back of my head whenever I'm talking to a girl. I get more aggressive if I think she's single, and feel unmotivated to deep dive or flirt if she's not. But this doesn't feel right. There's also an awkward "switch" for me if I discover that she has a boyfriend midway through - like the wind just got knocked out of my sails. Where do think this is coming from?

3) Deep diving/flirting: Should I ever try deep diving or flirting in group settings (or settings where other people are close by and probably listening in)? I'm pretty sure the answer's no. Other guys (or girls) immediately butt in and often steer the conversation to something less personal, and usually she's totally OK with that.

4) Odd man out: I end up as the "odd man out" in groups more than I'd like. So if there are 4 of us, then 2 will talk and I won't talk to the other, or 3 will talk and I'll be out, etc. The reason is that those groups of people hit on some topic that they all know about and I don't (e.g. a common friend or experience), and it's hard to break into that. And if there's another person who's "out," I'm often not really interested in talking to him or her. In order to avoid this, do I really need to go spend more time doing things and gossiping with friends (which is often pretty time-wasting), or is there a fast and smooth way to get "in"?

An interesting note: sometimes if just one person in the group gets replaced by a different person, suddenly the whole atmosphere changes and we all get along spectacularly. So it's possible that just one or two people are bringing up "clique" topics that are shutting me out. (I do that myself, sometimes, and hopefully can stop.)

Best,
The M

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey M–

Girls in group settings, you can have the vibe of, “I’m going to make this girl want me so bad,” and you should be fine with that, since you’re not trying to GET something, specifically, so much as you are trying to inspire a certain emotion. Then you can be sexy, but it’s really just practice or for fun.

“Boyfriend switch:” you just have an internal belief that women who have boyfriends are “off the market.” That is, they’re not going to do anything with you. It’s the same kind of thing as the guys who think they can’t talk to pretty girls because those girls simply aren’t interested in them – it’s a limiting belief that maybe has some basis in their past experiences (or in how they’ve been raised), but often little in reality. The best thing you can do to get around this is stick to your process, even when it feels like there’s no hope for things working out – that’s how you succeed in spite of yourself, and surprise yourself by doing things you thought were “impossible.” And succeeding at things you thought were impossible is how you reset your internal beliefs.

Flirting you don’t want to do much of, or any, in groups, because most girls will get self-conscious about it, and the ones who don’t often use it as a game or a joke to boost their own social status (“OMG, did you see how that guy tried to flirt with me and I flirted back? He TOTALLY bought it!”). Deep diving you can do sometimes, but only if you’ve been in the group for a while and things are pretty calm and settled and everyone’s more or less having their own conversations in the group. Otherwise, steer clear.

Odd man out: that’s okay if you can get a really strong presence going on. If you can get that up, then you can sit there and just smolder with power and sensuality while everyone else gabs, and eventually the tension gets too strong and they have to include you (people feel very awkward if a very dominant guy isn’t being included). If you don’t have a presence where you can compel people to include you yet, the best thing to do is either get educated on the topics these people talk about so you can wade into the conversation, or pick groups that have conversation topics more inline with your interests.

Chase

Rob's picture

Any tips on how to game at college parties? Do you essentially treat it like dance floor game (lots of non-verbals)?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Rob–

I unfortunately missed getting all that good with women before college was over, but my friends who were good at college parties would usually just treat it as a dance floor game, yes, and then pull girls to rooms in the house somewhere (bedroom ideally, or bathroom if the bedrooms are all taken / locked; a coatroom can serve in a pinch, and I’ve heard a few stories of guys having sex with girls on porches or on the grass outside a house). And the parties I've worked after college were pretty much the same as the ones in college, so my guess is what works at one party works at them all.

You can sometimes pull back to your place from parties if you’re not too far away, but this usually has to be more a conscious decision by the woman (“Yes, I’ve decided that I will have sex with him!”), which doesn’t normally happen. Logistics are the most important part of party game… handle logistics and you’ve got things mostly taken care of. Then all you need to focus on is getting girls alone with you in those handled logistics.

If you’re focused more on phone numbers than pulls, then you can run dance floor game at parties but you usually won’t want to make it too intense. Sometimes intense can work with the younger girls, who will meet up with you later for sex, but once a girl has a fair amount of experience with men she starts getting flakey with guys she’s been semi-sexual with. So if you want dates, the safer bet is to dance a little but not get too naughty, and save the naughty stuff for later (i.e., on the date).

Chase

Brian48's picture

Funny you say you spent time in DC, I live in Silver Spring if you're familiar with the area. Anyway I 've been attending a small hair school for about 7 months now. I'm in a barbering class which is 99% dudes and they also have a cosmetology class which is all girls and gay dudes.

Anyway when I first started going there I did what I usually do in new situations: I would kinda size up the females to look for any signs of interest, or slutty behavior, you know for what might be an easy pull, but for the most part all the girls seemed pretty nonchalant in my presence. Mind you this was before I had read any of your material.

In the past I've always had the mindset to go after the easy targets, you know girls that where throwing it at me, one's that I could manipulate easy, and that were prone to making "bad" decisions. This approach has gotten me laid roughly 150 sum odd times(I'm 34), but I find is really inconsistent as these kinds are hard to find, at least for me. I usually find none of these relationship material either, not that Im really looking to settle down but still.

Anyway I'm also very prone to ignore and and click "next" to to a chick thats not feeling me or that wants me to jump thru too many hoops or that just wants to be "friends", as as non-pc is that sounds, I really cant do female "friends"; its nothing worse then getting drunk with a hot female "friend" that you cant do any thing with. As a result I go to school and for the most part say little to nothing to the majority of the females there and this has been going on for months, and it feels weird, in part I think because the school is so small.
On the the flipside, the majority of my classmates chase these girls around the building day in and day out;
I could be insane but I swear they get plenty of what you would call reaction but no results, i mean they get nowhere. I'm not familiar with this type of program, but its 24/7 with these dudes, and whats more they SWEAR they are players. I had a buddy there come to me one time and tell me a couple of the girls had asked him why was so antisocial and I had to basically give the same explaination I just gave you.

Anyway am I missing something here? What is your analyses of the situation? Any advice?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Brian–

Used to spend a lot of time in Silver Spring, actually… I had a girlfriend who lived there. Fond memories of driving up sometimes, or waiting for the Silver Spring red line metro others. You’ve got me kind of nostalgic, now…

I generally do the same thing in social circle environments – do a quick check to see how the girls are responding, and if no one seems to be biting I just tune them out and focus on whatever I’m there to focus on. Same deal – no interest in collecting female friends unless a girl provides some kind of exceptional non-sexual value (which – maybe I’m hanging out in the wrong crowds – is unfortunately rare), and no need to run around chasing a lot of girls who aren’t interested.

Guys who are new / intermediate to game or guys who are just clueless and can’t read the signs will chase after anything with a skirt that bats its eyes at them simply because they have so little real experience that they don’t know which women they’ll be able to get somewhere with and which ones they won’t. It’s like the difference between a pro baseball player and an amateur… the amateur swings at everything, because he can’t tell the difference between a good pitch and a bad one. The pro knows if he swings at everything, he’ll get tired and be sloppy, so he only swings at the ones he knows are good pitches, and then he can give them his full attention and pound them out over the fence. Of course, for most guys, you have to go through a period of chasing down every woman in sight before your brain figures out how to tell the difference between the ones who are interested and the ones who aren’t.

My read on the situation… I see a lot of girls with cosmetology degrees who see themselves as the cream of the hairdressing industry; you may have some kind of inherent social hierarchy going on where the guys in barber school are lower status by default because they’re “just” learning to be barbers… whereas the girls (and gay guys) in cosmetology school are learning to be artists (higher status). So – bit of a guess here, but from what I’ve seen of stylists – it might be the case that guys are getting written off for being in barber school, and there’s too much reputation risk even for a girl who had some interest in a guy in barber school.

As far as the classmates… I’ve had a lot of guys tell me they were players, but never any guys who actually were. In fact, when I was just starting to figure out women, that was when I used to go around talking about what a big player I was too. By the time I was getting any real, consistent results, I was trying to NOT let on I was getting a lot of girls because it started causing me far too much unnecessary drama. Guys who are players don’t talk about being players. They facetiously say, “No, I’m not a player! I do horrible with girls, man!”

You could force yourself to meet women here, but it doesn’t sound like it’d be all that fruitful. There’s a chance if you come in suave and chill and mysterious you get points just for the contrast with the guys chasing the girls down, but you’ve still got the problem of getting them talking to you instead of you running after them to talk to them. If there’s a high traffic hallway or something similar you could post up in at the same spot every day, you might start having girls trying to get you to notice them or girls saying hello, if they take a shine to you. This was my primary means of getting girls talking to me in the hallways back in high school, and though I didn’t know what to do with it when I got it back then, it did get me a fair number of pretty girls making idle chit chat with me because they thought I was kind of cool and cute and intriguing just hanging out staring into space in my spot.

Chase

Brian48's picture

Hey chase thanks for the feedback, your the Man.

anonk's picture

Chase can you do a post on one-night stands?than.ks.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anonk-

Sure, I'll put it on the list - for reference in the meantime, this one covers pretty much this topic, albeit in a narrower context (bars and clubs): "How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs."

Chase

JD's picture

Hey Chase

First things first, this site's amazing, and I'll subscribe as soon as I'm financially independent.

My question is, how do you build a reputation that works for you? Because I'm in high school, in a relatively small town, so really nothing travels faster than the word. Everybody I know knows me as a slightly odd but very social guy, and I'm known for making ladies mine. How do you let this work for you? Also the last time I discovered that I have to be careful though, because girls easily fall in love with me, and I'm not really considerate towards their feelings. Last time I broke up with someone it almost caused everyone to hate me... Obviously thats not somethingI'd like to happen. So how do you break up? How do you leave women thinking; 'wow, he was awesome, too bad he's moved on'? Because I also want to date multiple girls at a time, and if I don't do that properly its probably gonna lead to some severe beatings... So how do I communicate that I'm looking for something casual, both to the girl and others. How do I let people think that what I do is fine? (even though I know myself that what I do is not right?) How do I leave a girl satisfied? In short;How to break up?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

JD–

Thanks man – I’m thrilled you’re continuing to get value out of the site.

Actually, you point out a gaping hole on the material here – there’s nothing really on how to break up with a girlfriend! I have one on knowing when to break up, and how to break the news to a girl you’ve been seeing casually or who was hoping to get together with you, and Ricardus has one on getting over your ex, but there’s nothing on splitting up gracefully.

It’s a bit much to get into in a comment, but the best option for a man is to let the GIRL break up with YOU. It’s better for the girl, and it’s also much more socially acceptable. People get very angry at anyone who breaks up with anyone else without a very good reason. Women are very good at blaming men, so it’s usually better to let them do the breaking up and say it was because you were a terrible boyfriend or whatever. It actually makes you sound like the strong guy, and they’re the ones getting upset and reacting emotionally (e.g., if you doing the breaking up, and don’t want people to hate you, you’ve got to pin the blame on her – she’s a terrible girlfriend, she was cheating on me, she [whatever] – and you then sound weak). Basically, you’re either going to look like scum or you’re going to look pathetic if you do the breaking up. Women get more of a free pass for this in society, and you normally want them to do it.

Otherwise, your reputation is really just a reflection of how you are with people. If you don’t want to be seen as odd, for instance, bring your tastes and preferences in line with everybody else’s, learn to talk about only the things they do, and don’t say or do the things you get labeled “odd” over. As soon as you cut out the “odd” stuff, you start getting seen as more and more “normal.” Reputation’s pretty straightforward in that way – it’s really just a reflection of how you interact with people. To change your reputation, change your interaction.

Chase

JD's picture

Hey Chase,

Thanks for the reply, but how DO you get a girl to break up with you? And doesnt letting people go around saying 'he's a terrible boyfriend's or 'hè cheatedon me make other girls wary of you? And make you look like an asshole? Isn't there a way to get people thinking you're awesome whilst still doing whatever you want?

Thank-you,
JD

Walls's picture

You talk quite often about inspiring and being positive. What are some ways you can always give off a positive vibe? Is it in your tone of voice? Smiling often? Laughing often? While I want to make people feel more positive by just being around me, or having people notice a positive vibe I give off even when they don't know me, I don't want to be a cartoon character either... how do you balance being positive without overdoing it?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Colt actually had a great write-up on being inspirational in his first post here: "Student of the Game: How to Succeed with Women."

A lot of being inspiring is really, genuinely believing in the ability of other people to do anything they want if they will only try... most people never try. They just sit around and wish they had things, or complain about why no one gives them anything. I suppose there's a certain amount of you have to actually think that anyone CAN do anything, but if you have a hard work mentality like what we talked about in the "Are You Smart?" article, you get this automatically.

But check out that post by Colt - and also this one on warmth (which is more or less another name for laid back positivity), if you haven't seen it yet: Tactics Tuesdays: How to Be a Warm Person.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Nice introductory article picture.

The Next Best Thing's picture

Hey Chase! Jus wanna congratulate u man, I've been a loyal fan of ur articles for a while now n its an AMAZING site. I COMPLETELY understand the new changes to the site. A man's gotta eat brotha n I am not the least bit mad that ur gonna start charging for ur valuable information, heck if guys dont think this info is worth $20 a month then screw them, more women for us haha Sign Me Up! You've managed to write me back jus recently in ur "how to be more aggressive with women" article n ur feedback is GREATLY appreciated, thank you.
Now Chase....I've encountered yet another problem, n would like ur advice.
There's this girl at work who has been wanting to get with me for the longest. Its no secret she wants me, the only problem is Im not attracted to her at all. Now there's a work party comin up n I'm thinkin I should jus get it over with n take her home. Now there's a few girls at work who im actually interested in so I dont wanna mess things up with them by sleepin with this girl but.....then again she might spread the word to other girls at work of how good I am in bed. Im not sure what to do! Will sleepin with this girl (who I dont like) serve as preselection n make the other girls jealous or will it backfire n none of them willwant to sleep with me aafterwards? Should I jus let her down easy? Have u been in this situation before? If so help me out bud, thanks Chase! Once again, congrats on the new website, wish u much success in 2013!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

NBT-

Thanks for the good wishes. On the girl at work, the general rule with social circle is you want to go for the leaders first when possible - it makes everything with the other girls go a lot more smoothly. Girls usually like dating up the chain rather than down it - so if, for instance, you work with 5 girls, and this girl is #3 in the hierarchy (2 other girls higher status than her, 2 other girls lower), then sleeping with her unlocks the 2 below her but locks up the 2 above her. Before her you were an "unknown;" after her, you're now on the level of the #3 girl, and you inherit her status. That makes you instantly very attractive to the girls beneath her, and instantly not so to the ones above her.

That said... there can also be the scenario where you sleep with her, and then don't continue any kind of relationship. She's likely to get angry at you, and if you're calm and she's angry, even the higher status girls will intuit that your status must be higher than hers. So, your status is now "somewhere above 3," and they become curious and want to know where you are.

My recommendation is, if you want to get other girls at work, you're fine sleeping with her, but you probably don't want to maintain any kind of relationship. Be nice with her, and be honest - it sounds like sex is the big thing she's looking for from you regardless.

Chase

tayoisrich's picture

The main point is:

*all girls are NOT bitter
*If you meet a bitter girl then say bye bye and then go look for a sweet girl...

Nice article Mr Chase!

I hear voices in my head...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Good summary, Tayo. Looks like this article could've been a few thousand words shorter ;)

Chase

Anonymous's picture

OK. As far as the man-hating women.....believe me...they're out there. I work with all of them. A man goes to get a job in the company, and it gets handed over to the single mom...every time. (The boss is a hideous looking single mom, who wouldn't be able to find a man if she tried.) It is the most hostile work environment with feminizes, and no....I wouldn't look at one of them, even once. I don't even want to talk to them, but when they're your boss, dear God you have to. UGH! I can't really reveal much more here, but I just wanted to clarify that for you. In the normal world, no, you don't find them very often.

Mickey's picture

Man hating is not a myth. Many women today are convinced to no end that guys are nothing but video game playing, beer swilling frat boys who live in Mom's basement. What self-respecting guy in his right mind would want to take on that much hostility?

Next, you'll be trying to convince me that the dating world is one of abundance. COULDA FOOLED ME!!!

RomanticYoungMan's picture

You should know better. There are plenty of western women who hates men, you can't deny this. There is a deeply entrenched patriarchy in the West. This article is not based on truth...

Add new comment

The Latest from GirlsChase.com