Tactics Tuesdays: "That's Not for Me" | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: "That's Not for Me"

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

not for me
If a person tries to be pushy or a girl hits you with a question there’s no right answer for, the easiest way around it is to choose not to engage it.

Simple little tactic here. This will help you avoid innumerable stupid fights about ideological nonsense that is not worth your time.

Rather than differ with people over their opinions or beliefs or thoughts when they try to push them on you, just tell them “That’s not for me.”

It sets up a far healthier dynamic than stating what you DO want/think/believe. When you talk about what you want/think/believe, and it’s different from what someone else wants/thinks/believes, it’s easy for him to slip into being challenging or combative. Your mind has been, in his opinion, colonized by an alien ideology in need of rooting out.

For instance, if someone tells you “You really ought to get yourself a steady girlfriend!” and you don’t want a relationship, and tell him “I don’t believe in picking just one girl”, get ready for some combativeness. Even if your conversation partner doesn’t start swinging at your position, there’s a very good chance he views you as weird or sleazy or however he views men who don’t want to settle into a monogamous relationship.

There’s an easy way to avoid this disconnect though. Instead of telling him what you DO want/stand for, just tell him his suggestion isn’t for you.

Comments

Kaelos's picture

There’s not a lot of value in trading opinions with most people you’ll get into most discussions with.

How about in a long-term relationship with a woman, where you share similar beliefs/views but there are some mild to moderate differences on topics like feminism, frugality vs spending, child-rearing practices, small differences in religious beliefs, etc.

Is there a strategy to implement so that her beliefs/views more closely match your own well-researched beliefs/views over the long term?

Korma's picture

In my experience, I have concluded that the phrase “I’ve thought about it a lot and ...”. This is usually preceded by you pointing out some positive aspects of your partners opinions on the subject, and express that you can see how she feel that way, “but I’ve thought about it a lot and ...”. In this way you set some common ground on a positive note but your letting her know you have a different take on the subject. She’ll appreciate that you can relate to her opinions and you’ll have a more likely chance of swaying her.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Kaelos-

That's a great question.

Yes, you can absolutely change the beliefs of long-term partners... I've done it plenty.

I'll do an article on it; it's an important subject.

Chase

Ben's picture

Thanks for the article!
I've tried using this a few times in the last couple of days,
and while it works pretty well for me when it comes to things others want me to do for my own good and for discussions about non pragmatic topics,
People trying to get me to do things for the greater good, donating blood for example,
Seem to be bothered more by a refusal to discussion than they would be by a debate.
-Ben

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Ben-

That's a very good observation.

Yes, I think the key is "that's not for me" works when what you're being offered or asked for is something that (at least allegedly) is supposed to be of benefit to you.

When it's something someone is asking you to do for the benefit of someone else, it's offensive... because the message you send is "There's no benefit to me, so why would I help someone else?"

Instead in situations like that (where you're asked to do something to benefit somebody else) the better response is usually one more along the lines of "Sorry, I can't", without going into details why. Unless you really want that debate...!

Chase

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