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We’ve discussed why if the aim is to sleep with or even
get into
relationships with women, you’re normally better off cultivating the
image of “great potential lover” rather than the image of “great
potential boyfriend” that the majority of men compete on (or, even
worse, “great potential friend”) a number of times here already.
If you’re just tuning in and could use a recap, these articles are the primary pieces on the subject:
What I want to discuss with you today is one of the key mentalities women have regarding men that you must take pains to steer clear of falling victim to: women’s “back pocket” mentality.
This is the habit of women to “collect” men and keep them in reserve – or, in their back pockets – until such time as they might need them.
It isn’t malicious. It’s not a conscious effort to be manipulative or use others (usually).
However, if you aren’t careful about it, you can let this tendency of women’s, coupled with the tendency most men have to “prove their salt as a boyfriend by making themselves totally available”, sabotage any chances you might’ve had with those women.
Comments
Got to tears
I literally feel my eyes full of tears as I understand that part of my love life (all until 22) was wasted just because I was always there in nice guy land (or in her back pocket if you call it so). I can't believe I just wasted such amount of my life for that shit... Well, most men spend their whole lives there, so it's ok.
It Happens
Hey Anon,
It's alright man, we all make mistakes and have been there. The point is now you know what to do to make those mistakes.
Take care,
Just Dave
Negative people
Hey Chase.....another great one.....keep 'em coming.
On the path of self-improvement you had suggested that one should stay away from negative people...but what should I do if those people are my close friends and family????Your advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.
P.S. When are you going to put up that article on dating Indian women? :)
In The Queue
Hey Anon,
The article of Indian women was dropped in the queue for authors and will hopefully be up soon.
As far as negativity of close friends you slowly want to pull away from them. Spending too much time with negative people can be poisonous. As far as family members, unless they're in your immediate family just be cordial. Don't try to change them or their behaviors. If they're in your intermediate family you can try to call them out on it. I've told family members to not be to negative and lighten up. They respect you more and respond more when they see you as a leader. Perhaps I could drop a request for an article in the queue on this.
Take care,
Just Dave
Thank You
Thank You Dave. I shall most certainly try that but the thing is the society I hail from (Indian Society) is full of moral policing and m/w complex people. Although I don't mind their views I don't wish to absorb their negative emotions either. There is a chance that calling out my immediate family on it won't work. I will try it though.
Culture and Respectful
Your welcome Anon,
The biggest thing when calling out family members is being respectful.
"I've noticed you seem on edge a lot lately, is everything okay?" This way you come off as considerate instead of judgmental. You don't want to drive people away or risk a chance of backlash. You want to leave people and family members with a sense that you care about them.
Take care,
Just Dave
Thanks
Thank You ill keep that in mind.
Foreign Guys
Hey Chase, another great article! I've been going through this site and I've gotta say, you don't sugarcoat things and everything you say is spot-on!
One topic I hope you could cover how foreign guys can get with American girls. I moved to America right before high school and I was a bit clueless about my social life. I often got the cold shoulder from girls and was kind of of of socially awkward. But over the the years, I became completely Americanized and and made a lot of friends. But, most of my friends were guys and and I barely had any friends that were girls and missed out on female interaction in my youth. I've become attractive over the years and have gotten positive reactions from girls I talked to.
But I still get nervous about approaching a girl and talking to her because I am foreign. I am also completely sexually inexperienced, though I am still young.
I was wondering if you could make an article about how foreign guys could approach American girls and get rid of any doubts. I am from Southern Asia if it helps. Thanks!
Article Link
Hey Anon,
Check out the following article.
Sex with American Girls
Take care,
Just Dave
Hey Chase, hows it going?
Going back to your fashion primer article, I made the switch from XL and L shirts to size small and the funny thing was that all thru the summer as I made my way thru the streets hoodlums and bullys were suddenly way more interested in giving me my space and staying the fuck out my face then they ever were when I was rocking the baggier gear, lol. Then like you said happened to you when you made the switch people I knew were asking me whether I gained weight/lost weight, or had I been working out recently. I explained to them that no not really I was just wearing shirts that fit me better." No, you've been working out or something" is what they would reply with.
Anyway, quick question: if small is the shirt size that fits you, what size should your hoody's, windbreakers, and winter coats be?
Medium
Hey Brian,
A medium is a good way to go just so that all your clothes fit underneath the hoodie.
Just Dave
Simple choice
You just need to choose between two pockets:
* Back pocket for nice guys and back up options.
* Front pocket made by nature for a man, if you know what I mean;).
A different proposicion....
As always, another great article that I've experienced in my life, thanks a lot.
So, I've got an idea that can be timeconsuming and you guys may not be up for it,
but I'm interested in watching you guys play a game or two like Tell tales The Walking Dead or The Wolf Among Us, or even Skyrim since Chase mensioned that he liked it.
What I'm interested in seeing and possibly learn is the choices you make in those games in terms of relationships and leaderships, and you explaining why you made those choices and compare it to previous articles.
I think it would be a cool new section for the website and by giving us examples with those games we viewers would be able to relate it to previous articles.
But of course if you don't want to do it I will understand as it can be very time consuming and you would have to spend money for it.
Stay cool,
Pedro Canteiro
life choices
Reading this article, I can relate to it. I slept alot of time with certain girls and only begun to actually realize it's not health for you to spend and do so much for a girl.
Experience
Hey James,
Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad to see from your experience that you can relate to this article.
Just Dave
Thank You
I Am Eternally Grateful to you Chase.
As a man who is 47 and has been lonely almost his whole life and once about 12 yrs ago made a serious suicide attempt because of it , I am grateful to you. You gave me hope w/ your writings. And inspired me to change everything. Because I do have several things going against me such as epilepsy ( can't drive , but only one or two seizures a year now ) , short ( 5'5" ) , thin ( 130 lbs ) , not very good looking ( but I wouldn't say ugly , balding , missing one front tooth & half the other due to falling on my face from seizures ) , sharing an apt w/ my mother who came to help me w/ my now defunct sub shop , I easily fell victim to victim mentality. I was sure that I was hexed and that God hated me. That I was hopeless in ever even meeting another woman since breakup w/ my last girlfriend five yrs ago.
I read some of your articles one night when considering either suicide or even turning gay just to not feel so alone.
I decided to live and to follow your advice which is so sound , reasoned , understanding , heartfelt and Brilliant.
First I quit smoking pot. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. This same night I began changing my walk, slowing down , walking several miles this way while working on my voice and tonality.
I began to think I could do this thing. My mindset changed pretty much changed overnight. I began to speak differently to women I came into contact w/ at work and on the street. W/in just two days I could see better reactions from women. They could sense my confidence ( which to a large extent is truly there. I had to unlock it from my previous mindset ). I am fortunate that in many respects I am a natural ( although far from great and still unpracticed ) at flirting , heavy and light eye contact , sexual innuendos and sexual techniques and passion.
I live paycheck to paycheck basically so at least at this time can't afford any programs or proffesional guides. I would like to find a mentor.
If anyone here is in Vegas please let me know. I can only offer friendshi
This goes in your top 5
This goes in your top 5 articles, Chase. Although I know a lot of this stuff and practice it more or less unconsciously (and by unconsciously, I mean it's mostly motivated by fear or insecurity -- "doing things for her" automatically rings the "nice guy / friend zone" alarm and and prompts to steer clear of it almost instinctively), but it's still priceless to have it broken down like that. That's the kind of stuff every father should teach his son. Big thumbs up!
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