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Welcome to the 20th Edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice, bringing you the web's best on dating, relationships, psychology... the works.
This time around, we have an eclectic mix of articles, ranging from how-to advice to a piece on delving into the subculture of Suicide Girls to the role of sex (and lack thereof) in the fraying of relationships. There's even a rather farcical post that I think you'll find fitting for the holiday (April Fools' Day, that is).
On with the carnival...
It only takes one date to get the girl you want. Best of all, the date's easy to get… and girls love it.
Inside One Date, You'll Learn
…and more great Girls Chase Tech
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Comments
Hi Chase! Great article!
Hi Chase!
Great article! Theres so much to be learned from every post! I have a quick question for you I was hoping you might be able to answer for me. I recently asked out a girl in my college class. The class meets three times a week and she is sort of a shy girl. Therefore, she tends to have less interaction with me in class in front of her friends. Would you try to tone down interaction with her in class or try to talk to her a lot? I say this because it does feel kind of weird if I have no interaction with her in class but lots of interaction outside of it. Thanks Chase!!
Girl in Class
Jason-
Yeah, you're sort of in a weird no man's land when you've asked a girl out you see regularly but neither of you is sure what you are yet (i.e., you're not official boyfriend girlfriend or anything like that). I'd advise whether or not you hear from the girl that you're polite and casual, but don't go creating any really intense conversations or big interactions there. You're better remaining on her periphery anyway (see here) until you have something substantial with her regardless.
Chase
Friends claiming girls
Hey Chase, recently I have been going out with my close friends to our one friends college house. Two of my friends constantly claim girls when they have not yet made them their lover. My one friend made out with one girl multiple times and now he thinks he owns her. For example an acquaintance of mine was talking to the girl the friend of mine made out with, that same friend came up to me and said hey look at mike trying to steal my girl. This really irked me for one it is not his girl at all and I bet if she heard him claim her she would be a little weirded out, and secondly if my friends keep claiming all the girls at the house party what the hell am I even doing there. Also the other friend whom throws the parties is very weird and possessive. You can't even talk or hug his ex GF if she is there who I am actually friends with, and again you can't talk to a girl he has hooked up with. One time I had my arm around his ex outside for warmth and he hit me in the nuts after yelling at me to let go and I refused because he was being ridiculous. Also sometimes when I am talking to a girl at the party the friend that owns the house will always try to bring me down by saying I'm creepy or something along those lines. Not much of a friend I guess. Idk if I was clear on my story but I was wondering would it be bad if I tried for the girls my friends are claiming? And with dealing with my friend bringing me down should I use social pressure and the ever so simple "so?" to put him on the spot or is there a better way to go about dealing with that?
Re: Friends claiming girls
Phil-
I'd be really annoyed by that too. What you have here though is a conflict of definitions of "ownership" - in these guys' minds, merely kissing a girl makes her "theirs," whereas in your mind (and in these girls' minds, no doubt), this definition is ridiculous.
One problem comes in when you're talking to girls on their turf. In a way, you sort of need to respect a man's rules when you're at his party or on his property. e.g., if I come to your party and you tell me all the women there are off limits because you're trying to land all of them, I'm sort of in a questionable gray area if I go for one of those girls - I'm your guest, but disregarding the rules of the house.
It's a different story if you're out somewhere in public - say you go to a bar, or some other guy's house, and one of your friends tries to claim girls are his because he's kissed them. At that point, you can laugh and say, "You and I have very different definitions of when a girl is 'your girl,' brother. For you, it's kissing - but if that's the case, that girl's actually 20 different guys' girls, because she makes out with everybody. For me, a girl's not your girl until your cock goes up in her." At that point you can continue with, "Look, if you want to say you're going for that girl, I'll lay off her for a while, no problem. But if you can't close the deal, you don't get to call dibs, capice?"
If a guy's very clearly got something good happening with a girl, I'd stay away. You don't want to mess with your friends' girls that they're in the process of closing out on.
What you might want to do is establish a time limit with your pals. Next time one of them tries claiming a girl, call a huddle together and say, "Hey, look, listen. I'm seeing a lot of guys claiming girls they aren't fucking. Personally, I think this is weak and pathetic. I don't know about the rest of you guys, but as much as I care about my friends, I don't want to sit around playing with my dick for 6 months waiting for one of my buddies to shit or get off the pot. So let's agree on a time limit for how long a guy can call dibs on some girl and what the requirements are for calling dibs, all right? I propose the guy must have at least made out with the girl before and/or gotten her phone number, and he's only got a 3-week window to get her in bed; after that, it's assumed she's just toying with him, and she's fair game for everyone else. Oh, and one girl at a time - nobody gets to call dibs on every girl on campus."
Long term, it sounds like what you need to do is find friends who are actually good with women. These guys won't call dibs on any girl they aren't currently sleeping with, except on rare occasions, and they won't get all weird about you talking to their exes.
Chase
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