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One of the finer points of approaching it's easy to get jumbled up on is approaching women who are already seated.
The typical seated approach looks something like this:
- Girl is sitting down
- Guy walks up to girl
- Guy opens girl enthusiastically while standing in front of her
- Guy asks if he can sit
... or, sometimes, like this:
- Girl is sitting down
- Guy plops down next to girl
- Guy opens girl with a standard opener
... and while these two methods can work, they both are flawed: because both make the man appear to be investing a great deal more to meet the girl than the girl is investing to meet him. You'll get a pass for that from the girls who are very interested - but other girls won't be so kind.
There is, however, a better way to do each of these sitting girl approaches (where you open standing, or where you sit next to her first), but these require a bit more of an eye toward effort.
Comments
Excellent article.
Great stuff Chase. I would usually always just use a direct. and I did notice some issues. Oh well if I ever need it in the future I know what to do now ;)
Also -You: I'm Chase, by the way. [although, use your name, not Chase]. Have people been sending you messeges or posting reports using your name? I've never seen you put a "sign" like this before. So is it safe to assume so? lol
Cheers, The Tool
The Caveat
Tool-
Haha, no! I was just trying to be funny - that's the kind of thing you say when you're telling this to people in person, and because of your voice tone they're like, "Duh, of COURSE I'm not going to use your name!" and they laugh and it's funny, but... maybe that doesn't come across quite so well via text on screens ;)
Chase
No, I laughed when I read
No, I laughed when I read that. It came across fine.
Love These Detailed Practical Articles
Great article Chase with a lot of unique and practical advice that you can only find at Girls Chase.
On another note a few articles back it was mentioned that you were working on a new article about identity. Is that one still in the works? Sounds like a great topic given your emphasis on being the lover.
Rob
Identity
Rob-
Yes, that one's still in the works! It's one I've been meaning to get up sometime soon - just haven't gotten around to it yet. Stay tuned though...
Chase
Getting Her Attention
Hey Chase,
Thanks for the sage advice, mate. My goal is to use Sudden Notice by the end of the week. I have a bad habit of getting caught looking first though. Derp.
My lone seated approach before this? I definitely feel you on the "As if" girls.
************************************************
I casually strolled up, flopped down next to her and stretched like a lazy cat while letting out a loud, loud sigh (*really milking here*).
Then, after a five second pause, I not-so casually turned to her and said "Hey...(eye contact + sexy (?) pause...) you're sitting on my bench" with the biggest shit-eating grin you've EVER seen plastered on my face.
She giggled like a school girl for a minute or two.
.....
She then practically begged me to leave.
Hahahahaha
GP
\
lol
There is genius here, I sense it. Any more good stuff?
Amazing Natural With Women!
Hey Chase,
I've got plenty of questions for you when I get home, so you better be ready to bust plenty of time too, but for now I just want to let you know that your articles are solid gold!
Jay
Edgy Look As a sexy facial expression
Hey Chase, my natural and most comfortable facial expression is the edgy look you talked about in your article a while back. My question is why wasn't the edgy look considered one of your sexy facial expressions?
Re: Edgy Look As a sexy facial expression
Bolt-
That's a good question - I just didn't think of it when putting the article together, to be perfectly honest.
I try to make these things as comprehensive as possible, but there's always more detail you can go into, or more things to cover that've slipped through the cracks somewhere along the lines!
Chase
Hey Chase. Solid article like
Hey Chase. Solid article like always. You never fail to deliver. I have a question you could easily help me with. There is a cute girl in a fairly small lecture of mine at university, but I normally sit with my friends in that class. 9 times out of 10 the girl is there before me sitting down. Funny you post this article because I was always concerned about approaching girls who are sitting down without setting up a chasing dynamic. After reading about the two options you've presented I figured I would try the second one. However if class has been going on a month and a half it doesn't make sense to open indirectly - so I figure to just wing it and go for a direct opener. I've also read Cute Girl in Class but what are your thoughts?
-Tyler
Re: Hey Chase. Solid article like
Tyler-
To get into the habit of talking when you already have some precedent of NOT talking, I'd use a legitimate class-related question to get started - e.g., sitting down next to her and relaxing for a minute, then suddenly checking your pack, looking around vaguely confused for a minute, and tapping her on the arm and saying, "Hey, did we have homework last night?" and she'll answer "no", and you'll say, "Oh, thanks, you just made me feel a lot better. I almost had a panic attack for a minute there. I feel like I'm always forgetting to do something for this class," or some class-relevant comment along those lines. If she bites, awesome - get into a conversation, trade names, and follow the guide from "Cute Girls in Class." And if she doesn't bite, no worries - just say "Hi" to her next time, and make a little chit-chat - she may just be shy.
Chase
eye-contact and smiling
Hm, I wish this was written 3 days earlier. :-/
Quick question tho... Smiling during first eye-contact. In one article, you mentioned first to look = first to break and break after about 2 - 3 seconds. But should I smile if I am the one "observed" first as a sign of liking? Or should she if she was checking me out first? I feel like smiling is never bad but... Your articles are so detailed that I guess every one of those 4 scenarios or other 2 where we both do not smile send different message. But I always wonder if I should smile based on eye-contact. I am usually judge this by appearence and if I think she is "lower league" in self presentation I smile so she does not feel intimidated by my eye-contact. I dont have enough data on this, I am pretty new to talking to people so I can't really say
Petr
Re: eye-contact and smiling
Petr-
If you're looking and she catches you looking, I'd look away first, then smile to myself, then look back again and see if she's smiling. This is very flirtatious, and creates an exciting vibe with her - but if you do this, you MUST approach. If you're NOT going to approach, then break eye contact very casually to the side and pretend you were just staring past her - don't smile, don't look at her again.
If she catches you looking, and you then smile, it comes off a little too strong / a little too socially uncomfortable most of the time - so break eye contact to the side first, then smile, then resume eye contact still with that smile on your face and see if she reciprocates. If so, immediately approach (and go direct, or something where it's obvious you're there for her regardless of what you're saying).
Chase
Oh, thank you. That is very
Oh, thank you. That is very nice tactic.
Should I text or wait indefinitely to ask her out?
Hi Chase!
I've been getting great results so far with your techniques but had a really quick question with regards to texting vs asking girls out on dates.
Right now I am in college and recently I met a girl in class and got her number but there was about 3 weeks time where I didn't have time to date anyone. I minimized my contact with her but dropped the class anyways and havent seen her in about a week now. Right now my only chances of seeing her are either to
1) go audit the class or "stalk" her class schedule (which may not work as she is always with friends after class)
2) cross my fingers I'll run into her on campus again.
In my case, would you possibly wait longer like another week just to see if I can ask her out in person, then revert to texting or would you just text her now for a date?
My worries is that if I text her, it may seem like I am afraid to ask her out in real life, which is totally not the case as I have been coming off confident in front of her using techniques you wrote about.
Thanks so much Chase!
Reconnecting via Text
Anon-
See this forum post for how to do this: "Check-In Text If You Haven't Texted in a While."
Chase
"If she's not completely against the idea"
Great article as usual.
Just had some doubts about this part, which seems a bit too timid?
Would you rather use "I'd like to" rather than "I want" and.. Is that really necessary to add if she's not completely against the idea?
"but you'd like to get food with her later this week if she's not completely against the idea, and get her phone number."
Re: "If she's not completely against the idea"
Lucifer-
That phrasing is in there to lead her in the direction that you want.
If you say: "I want to get food with you later this week"
She thinks: "Hmm... that's what HE wants... but do *I* want that? Mmm.... I don't know. Maybe. Well, I need time to think about it, because I really don't know."
Most guys who are beginners (and even a lot of guys who are rough intermediates) ask girls out in this way, and they get a lot of responses like this but aren't sure why.
If on the other hand you say: "I'd like to get food with you later this week, if you're not completely opposed to the idea"
She thinks: "Am I completely opposed? No, of course not! He's attractive and charming. Well, I guess then my answer is 'yes'!" and she laughs at the idea of being completely opposed to going out with you and says, "Sure!"
The hit rate with "I'd like to ... if you're not opposed to" is much, MUCH higher than the clunkier "I want", which, because it doesn't take HER wants into account (which is what you do with the "if you're not opposed" statement), forces her to have to think for herself - and because you're not considerate enough to think for her, she's a lot more inclined to think a date with you isn't going to be all that enjoyable, either - just one guy chasing after what he wants while she's forced to fend for herself.
It's a small statement, but there's a great deal communicated in it.
Or, another way to think about it: when people tell me "I want..." my response (if I'm trying to educate them) is "I don't CARE what you want. Tell me why *I* want this!"
If I'm not trying to educate them, I just ignore "I want" requests and go do something else, or delete the message if it's a message, as time has shown me (as it has many women) that people who say "I want us to do X" usually end up dragging you along on something you have little interest in and wasting a lot of your time if you are foolish enough to agree ;)
Chase
"Let's meet for a drink.. "
Fantastic!
Great explanation and it makes a lot of sense!
Do you think starting the invite with "let's" can be at the same level of "if you're not completely against?"
The sentence would come up shorter, it would introduce and "us" element in it and it sounds lively and fresh.
Questions regarding autorejection
Hi Chase,
Wanted to thank you for the article and everything. My game with girls has steadily improved and I have been able to get mind blowing results I never thought possible.
I have a question though regarding autorejection. I recently met a girl in my academic program and I've talked to her a total of 4 times. The first three times were just running into each other very informally with minimal conversation.
I could tell she liked me as one time when I was walking in the same direction as her about 2-3 weeks ago, she kept physically bumping into me and giving me classic IOIs. I was dating other girls at the time and so ignored them as I didn't want to arouse anything I didn't have time for.
Now, I am really interested in her but the 4th and most recent time I saw her was in a library and she seemed much more cautious and less upbeat than before. My question is, did I send her into autorejection? Would it be possible for a girl to autoreject you just based on you "not reading" her signs one time?
Auto-Rejection
Frank-
Glad to hear you're making steady progress - that means you're putting some work in!
Auto-rejection is usually a snap-of-the-fingers kind of process - one minute she's into you, and the next minute she's a block of ice. A lot of guys spend a lot of time scratching their heads and rubbing their chins over this one, but it's simple - if she decides you aren't going to do what she wants / needs you to do, she shuts off toward you to spare her ego from the hurt feeling of being rejected / toyed with by you.
For a better understanding of this, see this article: "Attraction Has an Expiration Date."
Chase
escalation follow-up?
Awesome!
I accidentally used the "just noticed you" approach last week.
Could you possibly make a follow-up post on escalating while sitting down?
It's quite awkward for me to close the distance or talk face-to-face while sitting.
I have a recent FR on a semi-successful escalate on the forums. Though I did pretty good with that, I cannot get the girl to face me so that I can "hypnotize" her and eventually go for a spontaneous kiss.
I reccommend reading my recent FR...I'm getting smoother.
Thanks Chase
-Wes
Re: escalation follow-up?
Wes-
Sure, I can do that.
It's mainly about turning the charm on full blast - the stronger your fundamentals get, the more quickly and the more fully women will turn to face you, because they're just THAT much more into you on first meet. But there are some things you can do more specifically to escalate things more - I'll put it in the article queue.
Glad to hear you're getting smoother! Keep cracking the nut, and you'll get the case open more and more.
Chase
Second method while walking dog
Would work when I'm walking the dog; he knows that means getting petted, then start talking to her.
Approaching girls in mid-high traffic areas
Hi Chase,
First off, I wanted to say great article! I am currently in college and attend a big university. I was wondering if you have any techniques on approaching girls who are walking by you/next to you in higher traffic areas. I feel like girls will be very cautious to my approach because others walking by will be able to hear. Thanks.
Re: Approaching girls in mid-high traffic areas
Anon-
It's going to be pretty similar to regular street approaching - if you haven't seen them already, see these:
... with the main difference being that girls walking through crowded streets tend to be more guarded / skittish. If possible, it's better if you can wait until a girl turns down a less-crowded sidestreet where she won't feel as "boxed in" or feel odd for being the one person targeted (it seems to her) out of the entire crowd - people in crowds want to blend in rather than stick out.
If you can't do that, second best is waiting for an intersection, where you can stop beside her while waiting for the walk sign and strike up more natural-feeling conversation.
If that doesn't work either, you can just direct approach in the middle of the crowded street, and roll the dice - either she'll respond well, in which case you move her to the side to get her out of the crowd, or she'll be defensive / closed and brush you off, in which case... onto the next one!
Chase
Question About the Vibe to Have While Approaching
Chase - just another follow up question on what vibe you use when approaching girls? From what I have read on the site you have spoken about different vibes in different situations such as the warm and friendly vibe, the slow and sexy vibe and the commanding vibe.
Which one of these types of vibes is best to use when approaching and does it depend on the context (i.e. daygame vs night game?)
Thanks.
Vibe on Approach
Robert-
That's a very good question. The type of vibe you use actually depends quite heavily on the kind of approach you're doing - e.g., it's quite difficult to start off in a slow, sexual vibe when you've just chased down and opened a girl walking on the street; conversely, it's quite unnerving if you follow up a smooth, natural open that you just rolled into with a dynamic, "come on, let's do it!" high energy vibe.
Basically, you want your vibe to match your opening energy, which is going to be fairly constrained by the circumstances. You can adjust for different kinds of openers in some situations (e.g., the "oh I just noticed you" opener above is a bit more energetic and a little eccentric, while the "sit down and slow open" version of opening a seated girl above lends itself to a more calm, inherently sexual energy), but the scenario you find yourself in always plays a modulating role.
Chase
An interesting college game topic worth addressing
I just wanted to start off by saying thanks, Chase, and thanks to all of the writers at girlschase.com, as I am now starting to get real results with beautiful girls and I credit it 100% to the knowledge I have received here girlschase.com and in the book How to Make Girls Chase.
So I recently went away to college and one of my buddies up here pulls the hottest girls the most frequently out of all my friends. I've hooked up with a few of the same girls as him and he doesn't mind (he's actually quite stoked that we're "eskimo bros"). So yesterday I was at a party and he was hooking up with this really hot chick. I noticed she was alone a lot at the party and just sitting by herself, so I casually walked up and sat down next to her. I was focused on my phone, and she actually initiated conversation with me. She kept telling me to make sure she doesn't hook up with other guys tonight because Eric (my buddy) will get upset. I told her she's a big girl and that I think she can handle herself, and soon after she proceeded to tell me that I was really, really cute and if Eric hooks up with another girl she was going to hook up with me. I replied, hmm, I don't know about that one, and she said fine, if you don't want to then whatever. I changed the subject to some more constructive topics, got her phone number, and she then told me again that I was "so fucking cute", and that if she hooked up with me right now, it would only be to make Eric jealous (which was probably partly true, but she was clearly into me also). Trying to be a good friend, I stood up and left the room. My question is how do I get with this girl without ruining my friendship with my buddy? I understand that this problem would apply to very few scenarios outside of college, but it's just a reality that in college you and your buddies hook up with A LOT of the same chicks. Seriously, there may only be 1 or 2 girls I've gotten with up here that one of my buddies hasn't gotten with already. And often times I find myself competing with my buddies with girls either one of us or both of us has already hooked up with. It may seem like all the girls are sluts (because they are ;), but the point that I'm trying to make is that's just the way college is at my college. So I guess the real question I'm trying to get at is how exactly does one balance friendship and competing for girls against your friends?
my problem still remains :(
Hey Chase,
Every time u discuss approach I get a feeling that u use "the girl doesn't know I exist yet I open her" kinda situation.
What about those girls who have made steady eye contact with me, smiled, eye fucks me continuously and won't back down type of thing. I certainly can't pretend I haven't noticed them can I?
This is what I mostly get from various women out on the streets. So how do I open them. Any suggestions
Basicly you skip the step of
Basicly you skip the step of probing for interest then and assume it. She smiles toward you, you ideally dont wait long ( 3 second rule ) and approach. I do it by being nonverbally sexual while talking about rather bland situational stuff at first like: Hi, what´s up?
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