Relationships

Howdy gents,

The fellas over at EatSleepGrowRepeat.com have posted their second podcast interview with me, this one covering topics including the following (and a whole bunch more):

Good day, gentlemen. Today, I’m here to tell you about something profoundly simple yet tortuously difficult for some. Let me ask you something… what if I told you there’s one particular word in the English language that will get you more of what you want than entire essays of other words?

That with this one magical word, you can assert your boundaries, display your standards, and become a stronger man all at the same time?

You would probably think that I’m crazy… and most likely also want to know more! First I will tell you the word, and then we will delve into its dynamics.

The Magic Word is…

NO.

Let’s face it, the best part about seduction, and I would guess the main reason why we are all here, is not approaching countless women in bars and streets, nor is it spending hours texting women you haven’t met.

It’s not getting numbers, Facebook contacts, or even make-outs.

It’s about what happens next: sex; intimacy; connection.

And even if you’re a player-grandiose and take pride in the notches you are racking up every weekend, chances are, eventually you will find a woman (or women), whom you enjoy having sex with and spending time with so much that you would love to do so again and again with her – of course, without sacrificing the freedom and pleasure of sleeping with other women and sexual variety in general.

Having such women, such an unwritten arrangement in life, has always been the end goal for me and I’m happy to say that, with occasional slip-ups and ups and downs, this has been the case for a few years now.

Before we get into the details, I’d like to explain how I will be using the term “casual relationship”, because terms like friends-with-benefits (FwB), fuck buddies (FB), open relationships (OR), multi-long term relationships (mLTRs) have their own connotations. If you prefer to call what I’m about to describe any of the latter, that’s fine – no point in fussing over terminology.

But for me, when I talk about casual relationships, I mean a relationship where you are with someone you care deeply about (you could even say love, if you want to be a little dramatic) but with whom you’re not exclusive and there’s no expectation for that in the future. Your relationship revolves mostly around sex but is not restricted to it. You are able to talk about and share mostly anything without any drama whatsoever. Neither of you put any expectations on the other with a single exception – having a tremendous time every time you’re together. Please don’t get hung up on the word “casual”, it doesn’t make it any less important than “serious”, it’s instead mainly to convey the relaxed boundaries involved.

If that sounds like something you want in your life, please read on.

340Breeze had a comment about issues he was running into managing his long-term relationships over on Darius’s recent article about leading and seduction – here’s the excerpt of Breeze’s comment relevant to our discussion today:

“... seems like women keep the hurt bottled up inside, and then women want to get revenge on me or hurt me because somehow my words hurt them (idk). My personality is such that I can’t easily control feeling the strong negative emotions when people who are close to me start acting like clowns, I get extremely pissed off for a little while, then after a few minutes I calm down. I don’t stay upset for long but some women seem to never ever let go of a bad feeling and cling to it with a death grip. And then some women are always testing, always poking and prodding, and always trying to say or do little things to try and get under your skin, and sometimes the shit they say or do is beyond the pale. It’s like they start drama for no reason all because they’re mad from 2 weeks or 2 months ago and instead of calmly talking about the issue and why/how they’re affected and coming to a calm solution, they let the negative emotions from the past infect their current and future feelings and subsequent behavior and I find it so hard not to say anything in response to their near-continuous shit testing.”

This is, unfortunately, a scenario most men run into eventually in long-term relationships, and a primary contributor to everything from breakups to cheating to “betaization” (that is, males moving into the subordinate role in a relationship).

So what’s the problem here, and what do we have to do to fix it?

Imagine that you are reading this article on the top floor of a high-end bookstore just a few blocks down from a prestigious law school. There is a lot natural light and the smells of cedar furniture and rain pleasantly tease your senses.

As you glance out the window into the courtyard, you see a woman hurrying in the front door. Your jaw literally drops. She’s gorgeous.

You understandably decide that meeting her is far more important than reading my article and decisively rise to intercept her.

Having this sort of decisiveness is key if you are to even have a shot with a girl of this caliber.

And, though as of now you only suspect it, later you will learn that this woman is actually your dream girl.

She is mature, loving, and has no unmanageable hang-ups or neurosis. She also has easy access to an almost endless supply of high quality mates, her finances are taken care of, and she is popular and well-liked.

Yet, decisiveness alone is unlikely to win you this dame by itself. Even chutzpah will only get you so far.

Sure, by setting a sexy frame and being bold enough to ask for investment you may be able to become her lover, at least for a short period of time – but what if you want a more substantial relationship with her? What if you want to keep her around for more than the typical 3 months that a well-managed FWB lasts? What if you even want to keep her around for longer than even the typical 2 years of a long-term relationship?

What if you want to keep her around INDEFINITELY, without just counting on luck for that to happen?

If that is the case, then this article is for you.

Note from Chase: this is our first article from George Russell, a writer from across the pond whose work I found refreshing and strong. He’s joined us for a four (4) article trial period, and if you think his stuff is good too, he’ll be back for more as a regular contributor. George’s first article is on using a failing relationship as a springboard for getting back into the dating game. Here’s George.

It’s circling the drain, she’s pulling away, there’s nothing you can do to stop it – you know, you’ve tried everything. She hasn’t left yet, but her eyes are on the exit sign and you know her destination.

Your relationship is doomed. Either you cling on desperately until the bitter end, or you break up with her now before you waste any more time. Right?

Not so fast! There are other ways to handle the end of a relationship.

In this article I’ll show you how to make a smooth and successful transition back into the single life, or straight into a relationship you really want to be in.

The first step, of course, is to decide that you need to move on. It’s often tempting to give it just one more chance, but bear in mind that lingering in a bad relationship takes its toll. Among other things, it can damage your health, your happiness, and your ability to connect with other people.

If you’re unsure, I recommend you read more on knowing when to break up with a girl. As Chase points out in this article, ending a relationship can be tough. And it’s much tougher for people who don’t prepare for what they know is coming.

If you are finding that selling yourself to girls is tough, this article is going to help you out.

Few men know that, at the end of the day, women’s decisions about men come back to some of their most basic concerns.

It’s not about creating massive attraction and doing every step perfectly; it is more often just about a handful of basics that are so simple, you ought to slap yourself if you haven’t figured them out yet.

Here area few of the basics, raw and ready for you to sculpt into truth for yourself: