Relationships

How you play the game of life will determine whether you win or lose. It’s nice if everyone could win all the time, but real life situations often make that impractical.

To close out my writing for the year, I’m going to take a hard look at human behavior in this series. I started writing this article back in January 2018 and, at first, it was one of my most positive – and unrealistic – articles to date.

It put it on the back burner for the rest of the year. Meanwhile, my life unfolded into the greatest whirlwind I’ve ever experienced, a result of the forces of trust and fear, as well as people striving to get what they want from me – and me from them.

When you interact with another human being, there are many elements at play. Two of the biggest are trust and intention. The combination of these two elements – how much you trust someone and how you perceive their intentions – has huge ramifications for how your relationships develop and endure.

This article is a little abstract, but I think it’s a nice model for pondering over how you interact with different people and entities. I’m going to show you a model for approaching your relationships with others for your long-term benefit, whether it be with men or women, in either business or social situations. I’m also going to teach you how to identify when to protect yourself from people who want to hurt, dominate, or take advantage of you.

I believe everyone can grow from this model, and it boils down to one simple thing – when you play a game, everyone wants to win. For you to achieve the strongest level of power in a game, you must ensure that everyone wins their game and are in control of that process.

If you cannot achieve this (i.e., if you cannot win together), then you must ensure that you read the threatening intentions of the other side correctly, successfully dominate the other side, and win against any aggressive threats.

This includes the dating game. Always structure your encounters with women so that both you and her win in the battle. Either dominate your competition or provide winning mechanisms for them, too. We’re going to analyze this by exploring the red-black game.

Non-monogamy can make a woman feel trapped, but if she’s free to sleep with other men and exit the relationship with your blessing, you’re more likely to keep her around.

One of the more peculiar aspects of this non-monogamy relationship style is that you allow your women to sleep with and date other men. You will also have that ability – to sleep with as many women as you want – with your girlfriend’s full consent (but lack of knowledge about the other women).

We are talking about an implicit, non-monogamous, multiple-partner structure here. The main difference between this system and one-sided or implicit monogamy is that you allow your partners to pursue relationships with other partners as well.

With implicit monogamy, the guy forbids his girl to sleep with other men, while he sleeps with other women freely. This always sounds great to guys – needy, possessive alphas push for this the most – but women fear it and feel trapped in such setups. The implicit non-monogamous system grants women more security and freedom.

We’re going to talk about the implications of this because they are quite extensive in terms of how they impact your dating life in the system. All these concepts tie back into everything else we have discussed so far in the Harem series.

Gorgeous women are harangued by clueless, needy guys since the day they blossom. That’s why they bolt at the first sign of neediness… and chase the men who “get it.”

Every woman has an ex-boyfriend who lost his mind.

The media is ripe with crimes of passion, where men transform from lovers to stalkers, or from loyal boyfriends to controlling, jealous, domineering abusers.

They ruin it for all of us.

I used to be a very needy, weak man. Wet toast. Not the alpha-god of charisma that I am today. Even though I was incredibly insecure in grade 7, I still managed to score my first “girlfriend.” It lasted a whole week!

Her name was Despi. A beautiful, rich, Greek girl from another school. Being an introverted kid, I was shocked that she wanted me to call her. A girl likes… me?

“Despi likes Tony!?” they cried. It was my induction into the upper echelons of popularity, social proofed by a girl I didn’t even know yet. Suddenly, kids invited me to parties, sports games, and sleepovers. I was part of a different game now. An adult game without a rule book.

The first night of our short affair, I sat by the telephone, petrified, but I mustered the courage to call her. It went fine, and we agreed to go to a movie. Some nineties romantic comedy.

At the film, I sat there in a state of confusion, pumped with dopamine and adrenaline, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do. I wanted to hold her hand. Can you do that? Just pick it up? Squeeze it and play with its softness? Does she like Metallica? Nintendo? Should I ask?

We didn’t meet again after that.

Fast-forward to grade 8.

In a non-monogamous relationship, is it ethical to keep your partners in the dark about each other? Let’s explore the reasons why it is – for you and for them.

Girls Chase reader Damien asked me a question about a relationship he had with a woman that lasted two years in a non-monogamous setup. He noted that his girlfriend was mostly drama-free and easy to manage, which is the way it should be.

However, Damien also mentioned that he felt like he was lying to her at times by withholding information about what he was doing with other girls. I thought this was an interesting topic to explore in the context of this system and non-monogamy in general.

Damien writes:

““I had a non-monogamous relationship for two years where I ran things exactly like described in this article, but it always felt like I was lying to the girl (even though I was just not telling her the details). Also, that girl was low-drama and easy to manage.”

So, should a man tell his partner about all his activities, or is it better for him to protect his partner by withholding certain information that he knows could be harmful to their relationship? It’s a tough question, one that is worthy of an article because it’s the central concept of understanding how the harem system works – and all implicit systems.

We’re going to explore the ethics and philosophy behind the harem system. As you’ll see, the system was not designed to enable men to lie to women – quite the opposite. It was designed to protect and sustain women and to look out for their interests.

It’s a non-monogamous system, so it does largely cater to men. After all, it’s an innate male desire to have sex with many different partners, and there’s no getting around that. For women, the system holds a different promise, and most of it is dependent on the man.

Even monogamous guys who have been with the same woman in a loving relationship for many years feel a desire for other kinds of pussy. Not every guy gives in to their desires, but I do know many men and women in monogamous setups who do, which might make it the most dishonest agreement of all. It’s not just men that have a desire to sleep around. Often, women share the same level of horniness as men – or even more so.

Emotionally, women always desire to be with the strongest man in the pool and seek commitment and security with that man exclusively. Sexuality, however, can be very different.

Most times, a woman won’t cheat on her man or even consider sleeping with other men if she’s sexually satisfied by her main partner, because there’s no reason for her to. With this in mind, let’s talk about the implications of the system.

For each non-monogamous relationship you intend to build, you’ll inevitably have The Talk. If you manage it well and keep a solid frame, odds are she’ll hop on board.

The most defining moment in your relationships – whether in this system, monogamy, or some other kind – will always be “The Talk.”

The Talk is probably the most defining moment in the entire relationship cycle. From the moment you convert a girl from first-time sex to a relationship, to the point when you openly set the terms of the relationship, you’re preparing the girl for The Talk through your behavior, showing her exactly how you’re going to act going forward.

The purpose is to set a frame she’s not likely to have ever heard from a guy before – you’re non-monogamous, and you’re going to see other people while you’re with her.

After The Talk, over time, she will either accept these terms or auto-reject entirely. If you want to keep a girl as a non-monogamous girlfriend while retaining the freedom to date other women – with her blessing – then The Talk is critical.

The reason The Talk is essential is that, up until that point in your relationship with a girl, the most significant anxiety she’ll have around the relationship is knowing where it’s all going.

By this point, you’ve probably been seeing each other for several weeks or months, and since girls have a very limited timeline to enter into relationships and achieve commitment, she wants to be sure she's investing in the right man.

You, on the other hand, need to tell her subtly yet directly that she’s not investing in any “normal” relationship status – and by “normal,” I mean standard, social monogamy. Instead, she’s entering a custom relationship style – one where you care about her and want to see her as your girlfriend, but you’re going to be dating and sleeping with other women.

During The Talk, you’re going to tell her this openly and honestly, and she’ll understand it perfectly. You’re also required to set it up in such a way that you have the best chance of you both getting what you want in the end.

Some people might not agree to this principle, but I can tell you from experience that at least 80% of the women I’ve been with have stuck around after The Talk to date me, sometimes over a long period. Others drop out immediately, and that’s fine.

The beauty of the harem system is that women can step into and out of the harem at any time, something we’re going to address in Part 8 of the series. You should never be concerned about a girl leaving because she rejects the system – in my experience, it’s usually temporary.

Part of the freedom of the harem system – or any implicit non-monogamous system – is that the partners can do whatever they want, providing they’re respectful to each other.

As the dominant partner who will be introducing the system to your girlfriends and essentially asking for their compliance to buy into it, you will be principally responsible for their well-being and how well they understand it.

It's entirely up to you to teach your girls the way you want them to act in this relationship style. The best way to do this is through your behavior, which you’ll back up with The Talk. This is the most defining moment of your relationship, so treat it with respect.

The myth of only one The One out there for you comes from hormones and Hollywood. The truth is, there is more than one soul mate for you.

In my article on how women express interest, Bruhaha asked:

"Hey Chase, of recent I was in a heated debate with a religious friend of mine. He holds the view that there is only one girl for every guy in this world and vice versa. I argued that if that were the case, then every widower that remarries is doing a great injustice to the rest of his fellows. This is b'se he would be encroaching on other people's ones. And that the church should actually publicly denounce the holding of such ceremonies in order to be considerate to the rest of the population so that they can have a perfect shot at their ones also. That's when it struck me that you have never actually covered this issue before. I hope sometime to come, when you feel like it, it would really be cool to have your perspective on this issue. I would suggest you entitle it "Debunking the myth of the One", if you don't mind of course. Carpet diem!"

And he's right, I haven't addressed it on here, at least not in article form. I've discussed it a bit in comments over the years... but no standalone article on the subject.

So let's get one up.

Three things we should talk about with 'soul mates' and 'The One':

1. Are there people you match better with than others?
2. Is there only one truly perfect match?
3. Are soul mates drawn toward each other?

All are interesting questions. We'll explore all today.

Every relationship has its phases, but non-monogamous setups are often more challenging. Handle each phase well to help things go smoothly and make it last.

Welcome back to the Harem series. In this article, I will continue discussing how to date and manage relationships with many women in an implicitly non-monogamous arrangement. In Parts 3 and 4, we discussed how to compartmentalize your many relationships and structure your lifestyle to balance the number of girls you desire with what’s possible within the system. 

Let’s move on to discuss the life cycle of these relationships, as understanding how they evolve is key to affecting their outcome and longevity. After all, every relationship (even outside this system) has a specific life path. As a man, the dominant force in the relationship, you are in control of where it goes, based on the type of relationship you desire. It’s up to the girl to accept it, or reject it and find another man who wants what she wants.

As the leader in this dating structure, through the whole process, you’ll be guiding the path of these relationships, to protect the woman and create the best outcome for both of you. Ideally, you will structure the relationship so that she understands precisely what it is, how non-monogamy works, and whether it’s something she wants or not.

It’s also important to structure this in a way that makes it easy for her to say yes or no and increases the likelihood of her accepting the implicit non-monogamy model, regardless of her own previous experiences and desires. 

To set up the right path for this system, you must set the correct frames very early, so she understands exactly what it is you do and what she’s getting into. You’ll be conveying most of the information about the relationship through your behavior, not through words, although they will come into play. The life cycle of this relationship type is split into six different parts, and the woman needs to cross all the thresholds to ensure its longevity.

If your girl makes it through all these stages within the first six months or so, you can bet that she’ll be in your life for many years – for as long as you want her to be.