Female Mind | Page 48 | Girls Chase

Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

Dating and Relationship Precedent: Why It’s So Very Important

Chase Amante's picture

relationship precedentPoorly-set precedent: it's the scourge of relationships across the face of mankind. Every day, the whole of the male sex collectively writhes in agony at its own terribly-set precedent coming back to haunt it - and bit it right in the ass. Bad precedent is the unadulterated cause of:

  • Ending up the platonic, sexless orbiter trapped in a girl's friend zone

  • Becoming viewed as a promising boyfriend candidate instead of a lover

  • Finding yourself in a relationship where you're doing all of the work

  • Being endlessly browbeaten by an overly dramatic girlfriend

  • Losing a woman's respect and attraction in any kind of relationship

Some time back, I posted the article about operant conditioning here, and how this kind of relationship training and management is used for guiding and directing your relationships in the directions you want them to go.

We also discussed briefly in that article how incorrect use of operant conditioning actually reinforces and encourages bad behavior that is destructive to the relationship and harmful to both the man's and the woman’s levels of happiness and contentedness within it.

An understanding of operant conditioning - basically, that how you respond to good, bad, and neutral behavior from someone who's a part of your life influences how likely you are to see that behavior again, and how often, and how much it escalates - is necessary for an understanding of precedent: that what came before influences what is to come again.

And you will find that in your relationships, if you are perceptive enough, you can all but tell the future, simply by putting a microscope over the past - your past, your girlfriends' pasts, and the pasts you've shared together.

You can also determine the future, by building the kind of past precedent necessary to have the kind of future relationship you want, all by doing the right things now.

Yet, you'll find most people are not willing to do this, because a little more pain now for a lot more happiness later is a bargain 99% of people are unwilling to make.

Navigating the Culture of Me

Chase Amante's picture

culture of meWeighing in on "You’re Not That Special (and Neither is She)", 340Breeze made a great and perceptive comment on the emotional inhibition and sexual repression rampant in Western English-speaking countries, particularly in America. His comment was a long one, but it's a good one, and I'll repost it in its entirety here:

There needs to be a solution to dealing with the culture and its influence on women's mentalities...and a discussion on how those influences make seduction more difficult than it should otherwise be. Here in America we men have to deal with, among other things: the slut-shaming phenomenon, and other inhibitions that emanate from commodity status. I am glad that you guys have pointed out some of these detrimental mindsets. Would be nice to see an article or at least a page that summarizes these inhibition inducing mindsets, and a solution or two that a man can use to empower the women he fancies.

One issue (among many) with commodity status is how the observers/players treat commodities. If a woman thinks a man is a commodity, and thus expendable, why would she spend much time forgiving slights and looking for value in him as a person? The path of least resistance is to get bored and easily replace the commodity with something else. But you can quickly see why a man would (a commodity) be hesitant to treat any particular woman that he meets as special as she thinks she is, especially if he fears that he would open up himself to potential hurt/pain given that she would replace him in an instant. But that's inhibition.

I think this commodity concept stems from capitalism in part. Commercials, movies, etc make things/products appear effortless like there is little hard-work involved in creating a superior product/service, which of course is an illusion. Another issue with capitalism's influence on people's mentalities is the ease of acquiring the goods that you most value. If you have the money/credit then you simply buy it/get a loan for it. Simple. But getting the people you most value to remain incentivized to come back for more isn't always easy or effortless at all (until you become more attractive than most). Some girls I've met who think they're superior just don't understand how they stack up against other 'outlier' women that I've met before. Some are unaware or don't care all that much about what qualities an 'outlier woman' possesses vs an average woman who thinks she is superior but lacks most of the outlier qualities. Yet these average women feel entitled to be treated as special as a woman who possesses (in my view) superior qualities and abilities. Qualities such as feminine charm, grace, ambition, uninhibited (and thus not lukewarm) when it comes to her sexuality, smarts, good body weight, independence, good looks, humility, living a passionate life she truly enjoys, can tease/take jokes adequately, knows how to touch me to excite me, can dress the part well (casual vs sophisticated), high emotional intelligence about people's needs/wants other than her own, and so on.

The problem with dating is how some people respond to the dreaded commodity status. Some become somewhat inhibited (if they feel they may replaced at a moment's notice by inadvertently triggering autorejection in someone they like). Others might overcompensate and become an asshole (who negs other people to pop the bubble of superiority and bring others down to earth). I've met girls who refuse to compliment, who refuse to charm, who refuse to do anything to make a new, unproven man, feel special..at all. And at first I couldn't understand this mentality (like how could you like somebody but refuse to make them feel good??) But I've asked some women why, and they've later told me they fear being charming at all to a new guy because they don't want to inflate any egos of any man who might drop them on a dime...Hmmm.

But the point of seduction is to treat another human being special. Unfortunately, inhibition is a killer to seduction. Much of what you guys teach bears this out...you guys teach how to respond to inhibited women who worry about slut-shaming, which causes inhibition. You guys also teach how to avoid auto-rejection and the inhibited/cold behavior that results from it. Again, inhibition. And plus women are attracted to confidence like moths to a flame and by definition the confident aggressive seducer doesn't present himself in an inhibited way.

So I've been thinking about it recently, trying to put words to my actions, and I conclude that what has resulted is my response to women's behavior that follows from 'commodity status.' I have to spend much of my time in the beginning around certain women having to empower them and subtly encourage them (excite them even??) to become less inhibited around me and to open up and to trust me...on a deeper, non-superficial basis. I have to instill confidence in them first that it is okay to be sexual, or to tell deep secrets that they hold inside. But if I am successful, then the floodgates of emotion flow out from within. Other girls are relatively uninhibited from the start and need little, if any encouraging on my part to spice things up really nicely. Have you ever noticed a similar phenomenon?

Cheers,

340Breeze.

I agree with Breeze, that this is one worth addressing - so here's my shot at explaining what this is and how to deal with it.

Sexuality Game: Making Her Wet with Words

Drexel Scott's picture

I've been around for a while. As such, I've seen, checked out, or least been peripherally aware of most of the different companies and styles that have gained any sort of popularity over the years.

The intention of this article is not to critique or advocate any particular one, but rather to examine the two different camps that many - if not all - fall into.

Those two camps are:

  • Value Game, and
  • Sexuality Game

sexuality game

We'll kick off this article with a look at each.

How to Have Discreet Sex (and Communicate Discretion)

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

discreet sexToday I want to discuss to the topic of discretion in seduction. In my opinion, this is one of the most powerful tools a seducer can use to get women.

Being low-key will not only get you laid, it will also allow you to have crazy and discreet sex with women. Is sex really all that we want? I am sure many of you fantasize about dirty sex, or watch dirty porn. Admit it or not, I do not care; all I know is that there is majority here who truly want to do some dirty stuff.

In this article we will cover what being discreet and low-key is all about, and why it works so well in seduction.

In the second section, I’ll give you multiple tools that you can use in different settings to communicate secrecy - and get discreet sex.

Let’s go.

Early Frame Announcements: His and Hers

Drexel Scott's picture

In community-speak, an Early Frame Announcement -- often abbreviated to "EFA" -- is something a person does when faced with a new potential relationship, the terms of which he or she would like to control.

In laymen's terms, this is how you set relationship expectations at the commencement of something new together (even before sex, or before you're officially "an item").

early frame announcement

Men do it when faced with new prospects, and women do it when they begin to realize a man is interested in intimacy.

In this article, I am going to cover various EFAs that men and women can make, as well as the best way to respond to certain common female EFAs.

Women Really Do Like Sex

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

women like sexNumerous times we’ve covered the fact that women love sex. You’ll hear us on Girls Chase frequently tell you that they like sex as much as men, and if you’re experienced with women, you already know this quite well yourself.

Yet for many men (and even for myself back in the day), this concept doesn’t seem to make much sense. After all, we men are chasing women, or at least constantly trying to figure out ways to meet and get women into bed. It sure doesn’t seem like the opposite is true anyway... at least not when you’re a beginner.

We might ask ourselves the following question: if women liked sex as much as men like sex, wouldn’t they be chasing after men the same as men are chasing after women? Wouldn’t women start approaching men and start trying to get those men over to their places for some hanky-panky?

Wouldn’t women just jump you, begging you to pleasure them?

In this post we’ll cover the many reasons why that is not the case, while still continuing to show you that, in fact, women truly love sex.

Some of the perspectives presented below might already be known to many of you, but I am sure that you will find some nuggets in this posts.

Spotting (and Avoiding) Cluster B Women

Drexel Scott's picture

cluster b womenAs you grow and mature, learning how to get better with women, some interesting things will happen to you as a man. Some things that seemed exciting begin to lose their thrill, while other new possibilities will pop up and prove themselves to be even more exhilarating than your earlier adventures.

Another thing that will happen, hopefully, is that your standards will raise for what kind of person you allow into your life. I'm not just talking about women, either: your standards will raise even for male friends and colleagues once you become more confident, find your voice, and begin to stand up for what you believe in.

As your standards increase, and you find yourself being more and more selective about whom you wish to join your reality, you will become more picky. As Chase has written on before, you may even stop dating party girls altogether - a move I wholeheartedly agree with. Sure, they're hot, and yeah, they're fun, but after a while you will begin to want more. You may want more stable relationships, with more grounded women, who can bring more to your life than a shiny new vagina.

And that brings me to the point of today's article. If you truly wish to create amazing relationships with the women in your life, picking up women is only part of the picture. In my opinion, it is equally important to learn how to avoid the types of women who would bring chaos and drama into your kingdom, crumbling your castle with a flick of her capricious wrist.

Why Do Girls Play Games and Lead You On? And What to Do About It

Colt Williams's picture

girls play gamesYou meet a cute girl; you hit it off; you grab her number; and she gives you a warm hug or a kiss with those gleaming eyes that say “I can’t wait to see you again.” And then you don’t see her for weeks… or maybe ever again.

When you text her to schedule a date… she says she’s busy. When she agrees to meet up with you… she bails out at the last second and leaves you feeling stupid. If you run into her in person, she greets you like you’re the last man on Earth… and then continues to play games when you try to meet up with her!

Have you ever been in this situation? It’s so frustrating! Why do girls play these games? Why can’t they just meet up with you when they say they will? Why do they take 12 hours to text you back?

Today I’m going to use science to explain why women act the way they do in terms of playing coy and stringing you along.

And more importantly: I’m going to show you what you can do to stop it. Onward.

Why Women Flake: The 5 Things You Can’t Control

Alek Rolstad's picture

In "What to Do When Girls Flake", we talked about how to respond to women who are flaking you (i.e., cancelling you or not showing up on dates that you set up), and that you usually should not blame them for this, because flaking is simply something that women do to guys.

What I want to talk about today is why women flake, and hopefully give you some additional insight into the psychology behind this phenomenon, so that you can avoid it, or nip it in the bud more effectively and not have to deal with it so much.

women flake

Many men believe that the best (and the simplest) way to get girls is by taking phone numbers and set up a meet. Such a strategy does work indeed, but frankly it has a lots of cons and it is far from efficient. I will here cover the different reasons for why that is the case.

It should be pointed out that I not saying that you should stop taking numbers, but that you should maybe think twice before playing such a game.

How to Have Sex with Coworkers and Get Laid at Work

Drexel Scott's picture

By: Drexel Scott

get laid at workIn the article on finding the woman you most want, a reader named Alex asks a question about having sex with the women you work with:

The question is about getting together with girls you work with, I am young guy, working jobs at the mall to save up for school. I feel attraction from a lot of the girls I work with, but want an idea of how to transition it into getting one on ones with them. I want it to go smoothly, because I work with them and would see them frequently. So I don't want strain working relationships, but since I'm there a good amount time, translating this environment into my dating life would be awesome.

Now here's a question just about every guy has - whether he's working at the mall like Alex, or in a cubicle-filled office building, or working in a school with hot young teachers, or running his own business out of a co-working space where he passes sexy secretaries every day in the hallway or anywhere else a man trades 8 or 9 hours a day for a paycheck and ends up face to face with intriguing women and intractable social dilemmas.

Chase already did a piece on flirting at work; so if you want a more enjoyable workplace environment or to enlist your female colleagues in some engaging, sexy banter, definitely check that one out. Flirting at work is also going to be a key to our strategy for getting to more than just flirting, which I'll go into a little later on.

However, we also promised a follow-up piece on having sex with your colleagues... and getting laid at work.

This is that piece, and I'm going to tell you just how to turn your workmates into bedmates.