Dating

Is your ex-girlfriend’s best friend off limits?

It depends on the situation that has called for your pursuit. Making her your new catch requires some fine tuning, and if you are going to go after her, your venture needs to be completely justified. There are three situations where one might feel justified to go after the bestie:

My friend had just told me that he saw the girl I liked with another guy.

“I don’t get it man! I know that she likes me.”

“Bro, it’s because of this,” he said, pointing to his dark skin.

I responded saying, “What are you talking about man?”

“It’s because you’re black bro; girls like her only date white guys.”

Until that point I had not looked at dating through a racial lens. But after that day I started to become more “aware” of race and dating. I started “seeing” that white guys had it easier when it came to getting girls. It didn’t matter that I had dated many different races of girls before. It didn’t matter that I ended up dating the girl that we were talking about. That conversation had given me the ultimate excuse: that if a girl didn’t like me, it was because of my race.

It took me years to get away from that particular train of thought. It still creeps in from time to time, but as soon as I catch myself thinking like that now I cut that line of reasoning. So I will go ahead and answer the question that is on a lot of your minds right now.

Does race matter when it comes to dating? Yes.

Does it matter as much as people think it matters? No.

In this post, I will answer common questions I get from guys about race and dating; some advice for getting over racial insecurities and some stories from my journey.

One of the most destructive limiting beliefs that holds back many men is that having a promiscuous lifestyle in which one sleeps with beautiful women seems somehow morally wrong. To them, it seems that there’s something wrong with being attracted to someone and desiring passionate sex with them.

It sounds silly when I put it like this, yet, unfortunately, in our minds this limiting belief rarely takes form as a simple, straightforward statement like this. If it did, getting rid of it would be easy.

No, instead it’s usually much more deceptive, and the result is that we find ourselves ashamed of our desires... we restrain ourselves from openly hitting on her and being sexual because we are afraid of public scrutiny, and when things don’t go our way, like she doesn’t reciprocate the attraction, just like a child who did something wrong, we feel the need to run back to our safe place.

The reasons why so many of us developed this unconscious belief that being sexual is wrong are diverse, but in most cases it boils down to social pressure to meet some very outdated norms.

But what if instead we operated in a manner so that deep down we knew that we were doing the right thing by trying to seduce her; by showing our sexual side? What if we knew that by leading the interaction towards sex we were also leading ourselves towards mutual happiness (or at least a happier state)?

Well,

Let me tell you that it’s liberating to play your part in the dance of seduction knowing consciously and unconsciously that you’re doing the right thing. Even more so, it does open up new doors, especially in social game.

Sadly, I can’t give you a surefire, step-by-step approach on how to overcome this limiting belief and instill in you a new one – every situation is unique and every man’s journey towards this goal will be different.

What I can do, is set you in the right direction by helping you establish a set of personal rules that you believe in: ones that will make sure that as long as you will abide them you will be true to yourself and in your mind you will be doing the right thing.

Place: London
Time: 6:00pm

It was a Friday night in Leicester Square. I had a book in hand and was going to do some reading while doing coffee shop game. When I walked in I noticed a Mediterranean beauty sitting with a couple of her friends.

I walked up to her and introduced myself. From the moment I sat down I felt an instant connection with the girl. Our conversation hopped around topics like economics, adventure, and romance. Her friends sat there watching as we talked for forty minutes. I started to feel like what we were experiencing was special.

She had to leave to attend a play, and she asked me for my name so she could invite me on Facebook. Wrapped up in the moment, I gave it to her without taking her number, and she said she couldn’t wait to see me again. We hugged, and she went off into the night.

I walked home in a joyful glee, excited, thinking about all the possibilities. I kept thinking about how easy and effortless it was to talk to her. I started to think that I would stop going out with other girls I was dating and focus only on her.

“I have a real connection with this girl,” I thought to myself.

When I got home, I quickly logged into Facebook. My heart sank. There was no friend request from her. I refreshed the page fifteen times and still nothing.

“I thought we had a connection...”

You meet her at a coffee shop or the library and have a great interaction; she was laughing at all your jokes and she seemed excited about meeting up with you again. You leave feeling like you and her shared a connection and you are excited about the potential of meeting up again.

You shoot her a text a couple days later, asking her out for drinks. You glance at your phone a couple hours later, still no response. Eventually, you realize that she’s just another flakey number.

Imagine that you are reading this article on the top floor of a high-end bookstore just a few blocks down from a prestigious law school. There is a lot natural light and the smells of cedar furniture and rain pleasantly tease your senses.

As you glance out the window into the courtyard, you see a woman hurrying in the front door. Your jaw literally drops. She’s gorgeous.

You understandably decide that meeting her is far more important than reading my article and decisively rise to intercept her.

Having this sort of decisiveness is key if you are to even have a shot with a girl of this caliber.

And, though as of now you only suspect it, later you will learn that this woman is actually your dream girl.

She is mature, loving, and has no unmanageable hang-ups or neurosis. She also has easy access to an almost endless supply of high quality mates, her finances are taken care of, and she is popular and well-liked.

Yet, decisiveness alone is unlikely to win you this dame by itself. Even chutzpah will only get you so far.

Sure, by setting a sexy frame and being bold enough to ask for investment you may be able to become her lover, at least for a short period of time – but what if you want a more substantial relationship with her? What if you want to keep her around for more than the typical 3 months that a well-managed FWB lasts? What if you even want to keep her around for longer than even the typical 2 years of a long-term relationship?

What if you want to keep her around INDEFINITELY, without just counting on luck for that to happen?

If that is the case, then this article is for you.

Today I will share some advice on how to set up a date with a girl... for all of you who like to grab phone numbers and have dates with the women you meet.

Now I know there are a lot of different systems on how to set up dates (which is the topic of today), and some might differ from mine on different levels.