FUCK IT... Need to do something different.

Newbie to the board.. Learning the game and enjoying but need to get this one out my system because one, I really need to see whats up with her and two, I really want to have sex with her.. Im messing this up so I have come to the board for help.. I will take any and all suggestions, and I am really want to change up what im doing.

I like this girl. It been about a year and to be completely honest, Ive been a bit of a pussy about the situation.. I never escalated physically besides some small wrestling and some other small stuff.. No kissing, nothing yet.. I seem to have this problem when I really like a girl, I tend to shy up.. Been when IDGAF, it comes naturally.. But this girl just does something to me. We get a long really well and man, I just have a good time with her.. I want to say im in the friend zone but I cant because she is really really hot and cold with me. One day she will come over and be flirty and play fight with me, and another she will be cold as ice and just pull away.

I asked her about this a couple weeks ago and she said didnt like talking about relationship stuff and she just likes it when we chill and vibe... I never brought up any talk about a relationship, I just wanted to know why she acts like she likes me one minutes, then chills out the next.Even admitted she had feelings for me. I have come to the conclusion and accepted this is mostly my fault and Im ready to change that. I really want to change the narrative whether it fails or not and just go for it. I havent gotten anywhere by being scared and chill, so I need some help. Im ok with failing with this girl even if it means never talking to her again because I need to do this for my own growth.

When we talk we just talk.. We talk about the job and stuff in our lives. I am supportive of her career and the things she does and she always lets me know she appreciates its.. We never bring up other men or women with each other.. And weve never called each other friends.. I dont think we can really do that because there is just that feeling something else is there.. I know this sounds a bit crazy, but I know it and were we are by ourselves,there is that oddness. It just something you feel but cant explain. Im not blinded by this one girl because I am seeing and still sleeping with other girls..

I dont have much time.. Hell, my time may have already passed but fuck it, i have to try to change what im doing. We are supposed to hang out again on wednesday or thursday but even before then I want to start being clear about my intentions but I dont even know where to start. We text through out the day but I dont know how to flirt with her through text.... I just play it safe.. I guess I am afraid of it not being natural or be too sudden of a change. And when I see her this time, I want to escalate and try to make a move...

I am open to everything because this is extremely delicate.. But I have to do it.. So Im all eyes on what to do, when to do it, and how to do.. Even if it falls.

Thank You

OldSoul,

Listen man, I think we've all been in your situation before. You are too enamored with this girl. Do you wish you could date or even marry her? I am honestly curious. Because you are putting in a lot of time and effort with a girl that amounts to a friend that you want to sleep with. And in my experience, if you've been friends for a long time, you're probably not going to have sex with her. It's possible, but you risk loosing a friend.

That's another thing, buddy. Have you ever had a girl be attracted to you, but you don't necessarily like her back? You'll be nice and flirt with her, but you never plan on dating or sleeping with her. You just kinda like the way it feels to be wanted. Well, she may be doing the same thing. She 100% knows you want to sleep with her. She knows that if she offered you her body, you wouldn't hesitate. So for her, there's nothing exciting about you; you're just like every other guy that would sleep with her if you had the chance! She may even be flirting with you just enough for you to stay interested, then acts cold, leaving you wondering what you did wrong and what you can do to make it better. She isn't exactly malicious or bad for doing this, but she may just like the feeling of being wanted. At the same time, she's probably waiting for something more exciting to come along.

Also, if you're sleeping with other women, what makes you want to sleep with her so much? Would the sex really be better with her? It sounds to me that if you're getting laid by multiple women, maybe she'd become just a little less interesting.

My advice would be to change how you think about her. Just think of her as a friend; nothing less, nothing more. Talk with her about some of the other dates you go on to demonstrate that you're not willing to drop everything for her at a moment's notice. Some guys get anxiety when other guys have females in their lives that are purely friends (since female friends can DEFINITELY play you), but at the end of the day, having a female friend isn't that bad if you're not clinging to her. Just stop thinking about her so much.

At the same time, keep going on dates with other women and have some good quality sex. Keep doing what you're doing there, man. You didn't mention your age, but lots of young guys like me (early 20's) become so involved in a one girl that they miss tons of opportunity. Then when they get sad, they act like their forty-year-old divorcees when they're only 20. So come on, man, learn who YOU are emotionally, physically, and mentally before you settle down with one girl. Good luck.

If anyone else has different ideas or wants to debate my analysis, feel free!

-J

Jack123Frost said:

OldSoul,

Listen man, I think we've all been in your situation before. You are too enamored with this girl. Do you wish you could date or even marry her? I am honestly curious. Because you are putting in a lot of time and effort with a girl that amounts to a friend that you want to sleep with. And in my experience, if you've been friends for a long time, you're probably not going to have sex with her. It's possible, but you risk loosing a friend.

That's another thing, buddy. Have you ever had a girl be attracted to you, but you don't necessarily like her back? You'll be nice and flirt with her, but you never plan on dating or sleeping with her. You just kinda like the way it feels to be wanted. Well, she may be doing the same thing. She 100% knows you want to sleep with her. She knows that if she offered you her body, you wouldn't hesitate. So for her, there's nothing exciting about you; you're just like every other guy that would sleep with her if you had the chance! She may even be flirting with you just enough for you to stay interested, then acts cold, leaving you wondering what you did wrong and what you can do to make it better. She isn't exactly malicious or bad for doing this, but she may just like the feeling of being wanted. At the same time, she's probably waiting for something more exciting to come along.

Also, if you're sleeping with other women, what makes you want to sleep with her so much? Would the sex really be better with her? It sounds to me that if you're getting laid by multiple women, maybe she'd become just a little less interesting.

My advice would be to change how you think about her. Just think of her as a friend; nothing less, nothing more. Talk with her about some of the other dates you go on to demonstrate that you're not willing to drop everything for her at a moment's notice. Some guys get anxiety when other guys have females in their lives that are purely friends (since female friends can DEFINITELY play you), but at the end of the day, having a female friend isn't that bad if you're not clinging to her. Just stop thinking about her so much.

At the same time, keep going on dates with other women and have some good quality sex. Keep doing what you're doing there, man. You didn't mention your age, but lots of young guys like me (early 20's) become so involved in a one girl that they miss tons of opportunity. Then when they get sad, they act like their forty-year-old divorcees when they're only 20. So come on, man, learn who YOU are emotionally, physically, and mentally before you settle down with one girl. Good luck.

If anyone else has different ideas or wants to debate my analysis, feel free!

-J

Click to expand...

Thank you for your response.

This I want to sleep with this girl and see if there is something more there. I actually like her, I'm sure of that . I do enjoy her time and I do enjoy her friendship.. at the same time though, if I lost her as a friend, then oh well, bc I need to do this for my growth. I freeze up with her because I like her and sometimes I feel like she's different. 

I want to learn how to flirt and escalate properly with this girl even if I fail. I will keep seeing other girls but I need to see this through alllll the way to the end. So I'll do whatever we need to do.

I personally don't think it's possible to be "just friends" with attractive women. No matter what there's always this underlying sexual tension. That tension doesn't exist with male friends.

So with female friends, either because of relationship status, or a lack of attraction one way, going into "friendzone" is inevitable but it never lasts forever.

Im my experience a girl who is friendzoned will eventually feel lonely, or rejected, and then she'll come knocking.

The only other way out is to be blunt, and risk losing her forever. Just tell her you think she's sexy and you want to be closer to her...and then do it. Or go get drunk together and try to makeout with her. At some point you just have to risk rejection. And she probably will reject you. But now she knows if she wants to spend more time with you, that you will be unfulfilled without a physical connection. So she'll either decide she wants that too and give you a green light, an open window, or she'll fade out of your life.

Or you can just keep on torturing yourself.

Update..

Outing set for this girl tomorrow.. Im a bit nervous but Im going out in a blaze of glory one way of another.. I am going to kiss her at the end of the night NO MATTER WHAT LOL.. Whether it be from really good escalation(which I suck at)or a sneak attack, IDGAF, I am going to do it. If anyone wants to give some pointers, thoughts, or anything im more than open to it.. Its either fail or fail trying...

OldSoul84 said:

Update..

Outing set for this girl tomorrow.. Im a bit nervous but Im going out in a blaze of glory one way of another.. I am going to kiss her at the end of the night NO MATTER WHAT LOL.. Whether it be from really good escalation(which I suck at)or a sneak attack, IDGAF, I am going to do it. If anyone wants to give some pointers, thoughts, or anything im more than open to it.. Its either fail or fail trying...

Click to expand...

Well, if you're going to go that route, just start touching her earlier in the night. Touch her hand asking about a ring, or something like that. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. I'm curious

Jack123Frost said:

OldSoul84 said:

Update..

Outing set for this girl tomorrow.. Im a bit nervous but Im going out in a blaze of glory one way of another.. I am going to kiss her at the end of the night NO MATTER WHAT LOL.. Whether it be from really good escalation(which I suck at)or a sneak attack, IDGAF, I am going to do it. If anyone wants to give some pointers, thoughts, or anything im more than open to it.. Its either fail or fail trying...

Click to expand...

Well, if you're going to go that route, just start touching her earlier in the night. Touch her hand asking about a ring, or something like that. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. I'm curious

Click to expand...

I am just anxious to get it over with to be honest.. Im just going to start the outing out with a big hug and try to enjoy the moment.. Then at the end of the night, find an excuse to sneak a kiss whether i get slapped or not lol

OldSoul84 said:

I am just anxious to get it over with to be honest.. Im just going to start the outing out with a big hug and try to enjoy the moment.. Then at the end of the night, find an excuse to sneak a kiss whether i get slapped or not lol

Click to expand...

Good luck. But honestly, dude, you're overthinking this. If you're gonna do it, then do it, but don't be at all surprised or mad if it doesn't work out. Not to be a negative nancy, lol. However it works out, look at this as an opportunity to stop getting so worked up about the outcome with a certain woman.

Let us know how it goes tonight. Best of luck

Man!!! Im not gonna lie. Last night I had a great time. I executed exactly how I wanted to but I really just got to enjoy the momemt.. I really did.. It was weird because it was all mutual.. She was flirting with me back,touching,punching,letting me touch her butt etc.... It was just to good to be true lol.. It was all just going tooooo well..

At the end of the night, I swear she knew i was going to try to kiss her... I dont know why.. I could feel it in my gut that she knew.... I wanted to leave with out trying it but I literally had prayed and meditated on this moment.So I tried it, and it didnt work lol. This morning she said that knew it was coming... She was really cool about it. I feel bad bc she is talking like she cant wait to hangout again but we arent... I have to ghost her now. I am glad I know now.. Its been a year and although me and her are really cool, I cant be an orbiter.. Im really glad I tried. I would rather be rejected than not know. Thank you for everyone who posted.

Good call. You manned up and she had to decide. Although she will tell you that you are just a friend, on her mind, you step up a level. Be sexy next time you meet her and don't talk about the failled kiss. Trust me she sees you diferent now. The game has just begun.

A

Quicknick said:

Good call. You manned up and she had to decide. Although she will tell you that you are just a friend, on her mind, you step up a level. Be sexy next time you meet her and don't talk about the failled kiss. Trust me she sees you diferent now. The game has just begun.

Click to expand...

HUH??? Ok.. I'm gonna need an education on this.. Am I supposed to hang out with her again?? I thought that was it? That was kind of what I did the whole make it and break it thing...Isnt that a clear sign that shes not interested???

Well maybe the real experts will think otherwhise, but this happened to me a few times: while being the nice friend they trashed me. But then a man move putted doubt on their minds. Sudently they went on mental trip of rediscovering me. They insisted some time in the friend saga but they knew I wouldn't be that anymore. Shifted the aproach and they respected it. I banged and had romantic relations with a few.

But as I told you its just my experience. I might be wrong.

Edit: damn autocorrect. Fixed some errors. Sorry.

Jack123Frost said:

just start touching her

Click to expand...

Pretty much this. Just start forcing yourself to touch her.