Dear Girlschase, help me in landing some nightlife/bar work and give advice.

I have dug down deep and I have a big bucket list item I want to complete before I am 30 years old which is not that many years away, time flies right?

A big pain point from my past is the fact that when I was in college, I was not able to get a chance to bartend and I really wanted to. Unfortunately all of those shifts went to the frat guys because that is how things work in the good ol southern USA. I really want to be a part of that scene, I mean really want to be a part of it. I want to be the guy working at a nightclub or a bar where the party ends up at. Most of the times I go to these places alone anyways since my social circle is full of goody two shoes but even if I had friends to go to these places with, it would not have the same meaning in my heart as actually working there. Its complicated but I just have to do this in my 20s before I get too old for it.

The end goal is to bartend at the prime nightclubs and bars in the given city I am in.

I want to do this on top of eventually landing into my next job that is going to be your typical corporate 9 to 5 type of job as well so there is that.

Willing to start out as a barback and do that even for a year if that is what it takes, be a server as well.

With the way things are looking, I could potentially end up in NYC where the nightlife atmosphere might seem friendlier and more welcoming than Atlanta.

Picking A City
1). List 5, specific, potential places you want to take this journey
2). Break that down to 2-3 and research those more in depth
3). Make pros and cons to each one (practicality, cash flow, cost of living, some of the highlights in benefits of living there, etc.)
4). Consider visiting to get a real feel for what you're getting yourself into, but have an open mind to the potentials each city will bring you.
5). Decide.


Becoming A Fire, Charismatic Bartender
1). Find somewhere that's moderately popular that will take you as a barback after getting a feel for the night life
2). Try as quickly as possible to become a server, after you learn the ropes of working at a bar (assuming they have servers).
3). Think about every table / customer as a possiblity to improve and actively try new phrases, conversations, topics, vibes, etc.. Bring in regulars. Provide good emotion and value to everyone there.
4). Kick ass, fundamentally as a bar worker. Great opens, great closes, and put the team on your back. Basically, be a fantastic coworker.
5). Grind, and grind, and then grind some more until you feel you can ask to be moved up / they offer you a position at the bar (typically this happens when rumors circulate about a key team member leaving and you're an obvious potential candidate).
6). Grind just as you were before, now as a bartender, until you're confident in your abilities.
7). Start applying to the cool bars that will allow you to reap the most benefits, and hopefully hire you as a bartender / have an opening..
8). See step 6

Socializing In General
Read Chases articles on being a guy in a new city, amd and literally do what he did in your own way. Join clubs, meet ups, hang with people that you aren't good at hanging out with, and make yourself uncomfortable. The most radical grind of them all, compared to what most people do, is to purposefully do things you're unfamiliar with and not good at. Most people don't do this out of being comfortable / fear, but it sounds like you, deep down, don't want to be most people. (= Break those barriers man.

I'm sure there's more specific steps you / others can add and expand upon. Would love to hear some more.

This will take years, remember to think long term. Best of luck.

Hue

Add this thread to the list of advice he isn't going to follow. Jesus Christ I'm tired of this merry go round.

Your pity party about your area is SHIT...and changing your screen name doesn't fool anyone.

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-1235 ... pid1869894
https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-1195 ... pid1693767
https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-6756 ... pid1752998

Hue.

Lovely post there man. It seems very likely that I am going to be heading to NYC soon and ideally want to be bartending in the Meatpacking District or Soho years from now, it is definitely going to be a journey given how I am currently going to be working a normal job and then on top of that trying to make bartending happen. The way things are looking, I am going to need a second job anyways given how expensive NYC is being.

My trick is going to be balancing this with a 9 to 5 because I am not going to go into it being my only job.

As for the other guy, I stopped complaining about the women of Atlanta a while ago as I have had my fair share of dates but the city just sucks ass on a social level outside of dating.

Revisiting this thread here again.

Definitely going to be a lot more complicated than I initially thought. First task for me in a huge city is going to be to find the few bars where I will feel the most fun at and can actually see myself relating with the clientele. Now it is going to be about finding a few that peak my interest, going there enough times and then somehow convincing them to hire me for about anything as a part-time gig.

My biggest fear now as I approach my later 20s is the fact that I might end up being too old to bartend at nightclubs and the kinds of places I really want to work at. Once I finally get something going here I want to share some experiences with you guys.

New Years is supposed to be prime hiring season, I hear it picks up back again during the summer?

Toby,

Yea, the winter is usually more rough for getting hired. I actually had to float on my savings for like 2 months (though the laziness and having a few side hustles were factors too) last year because literally no one was hiring.

And, ya dude. Sounds like you're moving into what chase outlined in his "moving to a new city" article. It will be scary at first, but you gotta treat it like a challenge. Just get out there, get moving, and get failing. You'll learn quick, despite some of the mental barriers many of us have tried so hard to point you away from.. you do seem like a smart cat.

My biggest fear now as I approach my later 20s is the fact that I might end up being too old to bartend at nightclubs and the kinds of places I really want to work at. Once I finally get something going here I want to share some experiences with you guys.

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Age is a number man. And anyways, you're definitely not too old. In fact, there's only one girl who bartends where I work who's in her younger twenties. Everyone else is 27 - 33. Sure, they're all starting to think about getting a "real" job right now, but that's where they're at haha.

So don't see this potential age gap as some scary monster. In the words of a very influential president, the "Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself". You'll be fine, so long as you actually do the foot work and take action, learn from mistakes, and understand how growth works.


Hue

I have been doing the same thing these past two months myself Hue, it definitely sucks not getting up and having a job. I am not sure if you work in the service industry full time or not, I work in a more white collar world where resume gaps which are long enough can be a killer but I am starting my new role soon in the middle of January. Funny thing because I heard the New Years and towards the end of the year is typically prime hiring season for a lot of bars out there.

I have read Chase's article about moving to a new city and will be reading it again, in fact I think I read it multiple times. It is one of those articles I have read multiple times alongside the getting older and partying one because it means a lot to me.

As for age and bartending, I think I have had my mind a bit puzzled and influenced by how things go in Atlanta. It seems like at all the bars which fit the mold of where I want to bartend at (nightclub type of vibe with hot girls), the bartenders are early to mid-20s, rarely see any over the age of 30. The city I will be moving to is NYC in about a week from now so interesting to see how things are different there. Definitely want to take some time to go out and observe the city first before going right into part-time work.

I do have quite a few fears about life over 30, just that thought of feeling out of place at nightclubs and party venues that I never had the chance to experience. Luckily I have a few more years to go before then but always time to start planning.

Why are you so worried about being an older bartender? You have a career, bartending is supposed to be more of a side job.

If anyone thinks you're old, which I don't think a bartender at even 35 is old, tell them that this is your side job or hobby.

I have seen many older bartenders, older bouncers, etc. No one gives a fuck. If you look old then yeah, but dude you have a career already and you're doing this to just get ass. This isn't something you're trying to do for life.

Just do it get some bitches and if you don't like it quit, if you do keep doing it until you don't want to anymore, then back to your career.

Toby said:

I have been doing the same thing these past two months myself Hue, it definitely sucks not getting up and having a job. I am not sure if you work in the service industry full time or not, I work in a more white collar world where resume gaps which are long enough can be a killer but I am starting my new role soon in the middle of January. Funny thing because I heard the New Years and towards the end of the year is typically prime hiring season for a lot of bars out there.

I have read Chase's article about moving to a new city and will be reading it again, in fact I think I read it multiple times. It is one of those articles I have read multiple times alongside the getting older and partying one because it means a lot to me.

As for age and bartending, I think I have had my mind a bit puzzled and influenced by how things go in Atlanta. It seems like at all the bars which fit the mold of where I want to bartend at (nightclub type of vibe with hot girls), the bartenders are early to mid-20s, rarely see any over the age of 30. The city I will be moving to is NYC in about a week from now so interesting to see how things are different there. Definitely want to take some time to go out and observe the city first before going right into part-time work.

I do have quite a few fears about life over 30, just that thought of feeling out of place at nightclubs and party venues that I never had the chance to experience. Luckily I have a few more years to go before then but always time to start planning.

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Because its not about being a bartender, its about actually getting a chance to be one. I do have fears that certain bars and nightclubs will be hesitant to hire guys after a certain age and it is an image based industry where these sorts of things matter. Now I just want to make sure I am getting ahead of all that and putting myself in a situation where at least one manager takes a chance on me.

You'd be surprised too, it seems like most people who bartend do it full time.

Doesn't it take a while to become a bartender at a good club? U might be late 20s maybe early 30s by then. Did you ever think of becoming a bouncer? Chase said you can get girls doing that as well, idk how easy as a bartender, but I heard that's an option.

Also u could be a lifeguard for the summer and I heard that's another good option as well.

Bartending isn't the only way, but if you really want to do it because you feel you would like it then I would just focus on that 100%.

If you can't do full time for your job and bartending, you'd have to pick one and I'd say focus on Bartending if your hearts in it.

Because you already said you don't want to be an older bartender so that's the only choice you have now.

But I don't think you could start out as one right away and I don't know if being a barback will give you enough money to live on your own.

But I looked again and it seems you have a job lined up already, maybe you should just start somewhere barbacking on the weeknights and weekends then go from there.

Toby said:

Because its not about being a bartender, its about actually getting a chance to be one. I do have fears that certain bars and nightclubs will be hesitant to hire guys after a certain age and it is an image based industry where these sorts of things matter. Now I just want to make sure I am getting ahead of all that and putting myself in a situation where at least one manager takes a chance on me.

You'd be surprised too, it seems like most people who bartend do it full time.

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Toby,

Funny thing because I heard the New Years and towards the end of the year is typically prime hiring season for a lot of bars out there.

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Ya I mean, I don't live in NYC but where I'm from it's common knowledge that you make less money in winter with the service industry. Less people come in since it's cold and muggy outside. So less money for everyone means less people clocked in / needing to be clocked in, and thus no one gets hired on new.



Sub,

Doesn't it take a while to become a bartender at a good club?

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Yea, unless you pay for bartending school (which only takes a couple weeks). It takes at least a year at almost every place I know of. Bartending is hard if you're at a busy / nice bar or restaurant.

If you're at a busy place, expect to deal with a lot of drunk assholes and mobs of people demanding a drink at the same time, cuddled up at the bar to get their drinks and shots. Busy places where everyone is getting hammered seriously brings out the worst in people, so anyone interested in that type of gig should be prepared for that. Money wise and girls wise, I see it as a numbers game.

A nice place usually means higher quality people (and, shallow people that like "nice things") and so your fundamentals, conversation skills, and expertise at making good cocktails are expected to be better. You usually get paid more and learn "advanced" social skills faster, though.

The place I work is somewhere in between. We're pretty damn busy and can get pretty rowdy but also care about quality and building regulars.

U might be late 20s maybe early 30s by then. Did you ever think of becoming a bouncer? Chase said you can get girls doing that as well, idk how easy as a bartender, but I heard that's an option.

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Yea definitely, both jobs are conducive to getting laid.

You can totally get laid being a bouncer - with way less work and dedication. Flirt with girls before you let them in, stand in choice locations in the bar that let you open girls or tease them about doing something wrong (whether they did or not). Everyone recognizes you. You're expected to be capable of handling yourself physically, being able to throw people out, being able to break up (or end) fights, and being able to control the hoards of drunk, disorderly, and rude people if your place is loud and chaotic.

Both jobs place you in a position of power, although bartending (I think) offers more about learning how people tick, learning persuasion (salesmanship), and conversational skills. You're talking to people and learning shit even if you're just going through the mechanical motions of selling a drink. You see how people react to subtleties. You can still kickass and get pussy from bouncing (Hector did it, and I think he bartended too), but if you're pursuing becoming a bartender in order to passively pick up on social dynamics and hone your social skills, like I am, I say it's the superior of the two.

You'll still probably be able to roll with and meet a lot of cool people with this type of job. That's why a lot of people stay with it even after they have other things going on in their lives.

Thank you for shedding some light there Hue. From what I am witnessing in my neck of the woods, it seems to be a job for college kids and early 20s guys hence my insecurity about it. It does kind of hurt me knowing how I wish I would have done this in my college days and early 20s but the desire is still there and I am not getting any younger anyways. I do see the difficulties involved with remembering everyone's orders as you get them the drinks on a busy crowded night, seen bartenders sweat from it. Not sure what country your experience is in but it seems very similar to the USA.

But these are the kinds of places I want to bartend at, the nightclubs and party bars that party girls head to, not the upscale places yet.

I am not going to touch being a bouncer at all since I had physically fighting, the aim is bartender and no doubt you laid out the barback path. Right now I have no service industry experience at all so a bit anxious there and I am sure you can also see my insecurity about my age, approaching my later 20s.

Is there anyway that I can reason with bar managers to say let me take a day shift or maybe even a barback gig for the weekends?

I understand it from their perspective too, it would suck to have an inexperienced guy come in and take a shift but not work fast enough and crumble under the pressure but I do eventually want to put myself through that experience of bartending on a busy night. Its unreasonable for to ask for it right out but there must be a way to make my case.

I do see the difficulties involved with remembering everyone's orders as you get them the drinks on a busy crowded night, seen bartenders sweat from it. Not sure what country your experience is in but it seems very similar to the USA.

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It can be pretty hectic man. On super crazy nights with those party night bars there's like 60-200 people sardined into the actual, physical bar and most the ones that have made it to the front think they deserve a drink sooner than any other person around them. Flirting almost goes out the window during those nights other than a few words exchanged, and some looks and smiles.

Really, it is a romanticized job if you don't acknowledge that part of it. These people work there ASSES off. I'm by no means trying to discourage you, but simply to understand that and respect it.

But these are the kinds of places I want to bartend at, the nightclubs and party bars that party girls head to, not the upscale places yet.

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Keep in mind you can simply go to these bars and learn night game, too.

Ultimately, it's the guy with the best value / game / fundamentals that gets the girl. Don't forget that.

It doesn't matter if you're the bartender, server, busser, bouncer, or fucking dishwash having a beer after he clocks out. The best seducer gets the girl. Full stop.

I am not going to touch being a bouncer at all since I had physically fighting, the aim is bartender and no doubt you laid out the barback path. Right now I have no service industry experience at all so a bit anxious there and I am sure you can also see my insecurity about my age, approaching my later 20s.

Is there anyway that I can reason with bar managers to say let me take a day shift or maybe even a barback gig for the weekends?

I understand it from their perspective too, it would suck to have an inexperienced guy come in and take a shift but not work fast enough and crumble under the pressure but I do eventually want to put myself through that experience of bartending on a busy night. Its unreasonable for to ask for it right out but there must be a way to make my case.

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Worry about that when you get there.

If you express that you're confident this is something you want to do (don't have to go into TOO much detail haha), that you're a hard worker and a faster learner, they'll work with you.

And yea? Why wouldn't they?

That's why you gotta make a strong case for the interview. Most managers I've met are more than happy to take on an extra hand so long as you'll make a strong employee.

And that's just the process with any job man. You take someone on, they learn the ropes by working the lamer shifts until those in charge think they're ready for a busy night - and then you see how they do. If they suck, back to the lamer shifts. If they're good, well then keep giving them good shifts for the most part. There is a rotation though.


Don't psych yourself out. It's important to consider though... it's the social scene this provides you with, the cool people to hang out with and hot girls to be around, and the passive social learning you'll be doing by being in one of these environments all the time for WHY you do it. You still need to learn game, build fundamentals, and execute basically everything GC teaches to become better at socializing and getting girls.

The service industry is a great place to do those things, but it's not the profession of the man that makes the man.

It's the man.


Hue

Hue, I have been getting better with women to where I can get dates from dating apps alone these days. It isn't about the women and pussy as much as it is about a deeper meaning to me. I have an emotional attachment to this profession of bartending which if I do not get fulfilled, my life would have been lackluster. To be frankly honest with you, I could just work my 9 to 5 which would pay me enough and have a weekend free for a date which will probably turn into a lay in the way I am going. It isn't about that at all, you see there is a history there.

I always wanted to bartend and be a part of that nightlife scene but in college, those gigs and chances went to frat boys. Unfortunately I could not make my case and as a result I lost out on some great experiences, even if pussy was involved it is not about that. It means a lot for my identity and my own self-confidence to finally get a chance at that, I have an axe to grind and it means a lot for me to be in that position of power in nightlife.

In truth, pussy has little to do with than the experience itself and getting to tell people 10 years from now that I bartended, it just does.

Here is my final question though, are managers willing to hire me if I already have a 9 to 5 for the weekdays or will I have to quit that to make this a reality?

I have an emotional attachment to this profession of bartending

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How? You've never been a bartender, or even worked in the service industry. Frankly, the only idea you have of what the profession is like is from the outside looking in, and you can't know what it is until you're in the inside looking out.

which if I do not get fulfilled, my life would have been lackluster.

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This is a self defeating belief.

"If I don't X, I'll never be happy".

You've been told probably a hundred times now why this doesn't make sense, Toby.

In truth, pussy has little to do with than the experience itself and getting to tell people 10 years from now that I bartended, it just does.

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Dude this is just..

I guess you'll have to see yourself man, no one's gonna care. What this tells me is you're doing it for them, not for yourself.

I have an emotional attachment to this profession of bartending

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I do not mean to offend when I say this, because you've shown a lot of growth man, and I believe that you can continue to grow and hit strides, have epiphanies, and confront harsh truths:

You have an emotional attachment to THE IDEA of bartending, not bartending.

I know this because I've rigorously pursued illusions before, and I probably will again. The essence is not the illusion.

How could you possible know what the EXPERIENCE of bartending is like if you haven't felt the emotions that a bartender goes through, be it a slow day, an awesome day, or a terrible day?

It's possible that your idea matches the experience. But boy oh boy is that unlikely.

I think you should test this belief of yours. Maybe you putting in the hours to become a bartender will give you your answer.

Hue, I am completely with you there man. I might have posted on a bad time or something but I wanted to let you know that I agree, only way for me to get an idea is to finally scratch that itch. I need to do it first and get a feel for it but that makes me happy, looking back knowing at least I gave it a chance instead of spending my life wondering.

The trick now is to convince a bar manager to take a chance on me.

that makes me happy, looking back knowing at least I gave it a chance instead of spending my life wondering.

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This I like. Good shit.

The trick now is to convince a bar manager to take a chance on me.

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Sounds good. Relax for the interview(s). There's plenty of places to try out (and maybe strike out) in nyc. One will take you.

Express that it's been something you've wanted to do for a while, working at a bar. That + hard worker + faster learner and you've got a good chance.


Hue

Got that Hue, the only thing now is making it work with a 9 to 5 if places in NYC are willing to hire a guy on part-time.