A Cornucopia of Compliments: How to Respond to Flattery

Have you ever been walking around, going about your daily life, when suddenly, a wild stranger appears! Wild stranger uses: Compliment!

"Hey man, I really like those shoes!"

It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!

You might blush a little, or at the very least, smile. "Thanks!"

There's a particular kind of self esteem boost one gets from an earnest, unsolicited compliment from a stranger. We often use this power ourselves in cold approach. But what about other situations, in which the simple act of receiving a compliment gets rather sticky? (Note: this post is intended to address compliments from perspective of you as the recipient. The art of giving compliments is a whole 'nother beast.)

I would categorize compliments along three axes:

1. The giver's intent
2. The degree of truth generally present in the compliment
3. How much you expect to receive it

1. The Giver's Intent

Here we have broadly three categories:

1A. Sincere Compliments: The giver really means what they are saying, and probably wants to make you feel good or something.
1B. Diplomatic Compliments: The giver doesn't really mean it, but they are acting out of some sense of politeness or helpfulness.
1C. Malicious Compliments: The giver is using the compliment to either bring you down, bring them up, or both.

2. The Degree of Truth

The three categories here are:

2A. Accurate Compliments: What the compliment alleges about you is generally true
2B. Inaccurate Compliments: What the compliment alleges about you is grossly false
2C. Ambiguous Compliments: This is a special case in which the accuracy of the compliment is deliberately obfuscated. For example, you're at a table with some friends, and a buddy points to you and says, "This guy here doesn't mess around, he's got a 10" cock!" You probably know whether that's true, your buddy may or may not know whether that's true, but chances are good (unless you're reallllly getting around) that most people at the table have no idea, nor will they ever find out, whether that's true.

3. How Much You Expect It

Here we have:

3A. Compliments that take you off guard, lower your defenses
3B. Compliments that don't really affect a strong reaction from you
3C. Compliments that increase your defenses. They annoy you, because you hear them so often or because you don't like to be seen that way


With any given compliment, it is unlikly that all three of these variables will be known. Take for example this snippet of conversation I had over text with a girl recently:

"
Me: I hate being poor. I don't know what to do to get a job
Her: Be a stripper. You fine af
Me: Womp womp
Her: ?
Me: I'm really getting sick of living with my parents
Her: Did something happen?
...
"

In this case I didn't know how to respond to her compliment, so I just made some ambiguous response and then changed the subject.
Here's what I knew in this case:

1. This girl very clearly likes me, we've been seeing each other for nearly two months, and is a lot more invested in me than I am in her. It's possible she me actually find me that physically attractive, but it's almost certainly not malicious. Either a category 1A or 1B

2. I don't think most people would consider me stripper level of physically attractive, so I would say a category 2B. However it is possible that this girl's brain is so inundated with attraction chemicals, or perhaps I'm just 'her type', such that she finds it to be fairly accurate.

3. Definitely a category 3A. I did not know how to respond at all.


Anyway, I hope this gives you guys a starting point to ponder some of the cases, or share your experiences with how to respond to compliments. I'll try to post more over the next few weeks as I investigate this more.

Funny story, Walking through a grocery store late one night wearing my rugged hiking boots and jeans. I spy a cute little MILF pushing a toddler girl in a shopping cart as I come around the aisle. we pass silently but trade eye contact glances. I go through the aisle and come down the next aisle as she is coming the other way. Mom is looking at something on the shelf and I hear "I like your boots!"

It is this cute little doe eyed girl smiling at me. Had to be 3 or 4 years old. Naturally it created an opportunity to talk with her cute mother. We bantered for a bit and I don't remember why I never asked for her number but it was there for the taking....I often wondered what would have happened if I had.

It was the first time I'd ever been opened by a woman's child. She was a hell of a wing woman....

90% of the time when I give a random stranger a compliment (not for pickup, just because I wanna tell them how much I like their ___) people will just say "Thanks! How are you?" while smiling. Then from there I take it into a conversation.

"I'm good, how are you?"
"Good"
"Just good, not great? What's going on in your life? How do we bump that up to a great?"

And from there it's into a conversation with someone who is hopefully kinda cool. Though I do run into the types that just wanna practice talking without breathing and those you just kinda learn to cut off and walk away from after a while.

Other times, like at a dance event or something, I'll deliver the compliment and just keep walking towards whatever it is that I was about to do. Then later those same people will approach me, or I'll approach them if they seem cool to chat later.

Puts me in a good, social mood and it nets me some preselection (why are those cool looking people approaching him?). Not as good preselection if it was a hot chick, but still, some preselection none the less. Plus, this is how you meet cool people. I met a woman who comes from a family of defense attorneys and is one herself a few weeks ago, that connection could come in handy some day lol.

I need to get into the habit of people collecting better though. Like proposing hangouts with other cool people, or at least adding them on Facebook. Just something to keep in contact with. The defense attorney family being an example, but I'll probably see her again later and she's a friend of a friend.


Hope that helps answer the post from the other perspective.


From the approached perspective, I'll say thanks and give the other person a chance to take control of the conversation (after all, they did approach me). But what I've learned is 99.9999999999999% of people aren't going to know what to do after they deliver the compliment, so I'll usually just take control of the conversation in the exact same way as above. That way it doesn't become awkward for the both of us.


As for how to respond to flattery if it's a hottie? Then I'll just over dramatically blush and tell her to stop it. I'll usually do something similar if I know the person, hot chick or not as well. This fits my style though, so unless you're a bit of a goofball I don't recommend doing this. Another fun reaction is to look her deep in her eyes for a moment, grab my heart and tell her that, that might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Again though, making it a little over the top so it's obvious I'm just goofing with her. Then I'll get serious and start up a conversation, because again, most people aren't going to know what to do and will let it get awkward immediately after.

A fun, sexual response however would be something like the old favorite of: Mmm better be careful, shameless flatter will get you into trouble/get you everywhere with me.

Or a less intense response: Oh you, how did you know that flattery was my one and only weakness?