FU  Dry spell with dates...please help

BigS

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
140
Hey guys,

For the last 2-3 weeks I have been going on dates with ~2 new girls per week. However, I have not been getting anywhere with them! I meet them online (Hinge) or during day game (which I recently just restarted doing). I don't really do any sexual framing before the dates except for some occasional chase framing. I take them to a wine bar and have not been focusing on moving girls until tonight.

Also, over the past 2-3 weeks I have been focusing heavily on "intermediate/advanced" techniques of game. I realized that I hadn't thought about my fundamentals or Law of Least Effort for some time now. Therefore, before 2 dates (back to back) that I scheduled for tonight, I read up on these topics.

My first date was with a cute brunette whom I met during cold approach at a grocery store.

Grocery store girl, date #1

Before our date, we were texting. She screened me a bit. I was in my head about appearing low effort, so I didn't screen her. I then switched to being in my head about deep diving and did a deep dive over text. She responded well and asked me to get a drink.

She actually asked me out on a day when I already had a date. Therefore, in order to appear higher value I told her that I already had a date today, but we could schedule around that. I realized this was a risky move but she helped schedule our date around it.

I arrived at the wine bar ~5 min late and she came ~5 min after. We were on adjacent stools at the bar and I realized I was turned fully towards her and she was facing forward. I was very focused on our body language.

We started with small talk and I was stuck in my head about appearing to put in low effort as well as deep diving her. Therefore, our conversation was really just me looking half asleep while asking her a ton of questions.

Eventually, I naturally got distracted from my thoughts and we started having a good conversation. This was probably 30 minutes in and I hadn't done anything with kino or setting a sexual frame.

However, every time I noticed myself getting excited and investing more in the conversation I would stop myself. For the past 2-3 weeks I have not really allowed myself to show excitement/lean forward/completely open my body up to a girl.

By the end of the date, the girl had shared a lot about herself and she was having a good time, but I think she was in auto rejection because I hadn't flirted with her or shown much interest.

At the end we hugged and she said "have fun on your next date". I think she was a little offended by my limited interest during the date and the fact that I had another one lined up after.

I then took a train across town to the second date with an online girl.

Online girl, date #2

For this date I told myself to just have a conversation, allow myself to express any emotions that I was feeling, and trust that my game techniques would be there. As a result, I was more relaxed and was not in my head at all.

We were sitting across from each other, but I was touching her arm at high points every few minutes. She was getting more and more comfortable with me. I was also doing some chase framing and she was laughing at it--good sign.

We finish out drinks in about 30 minutes and I move her to another bar. My logistics suck so I deliberately move her closer to her apartment.

At the second bar we take a couple of shots and I sense there is a lot of sexual tension. Instead of going for the kiss, which I wouldve done a month ago, I go for the pull:

Me: you like this bar right?
Her: yeah
Me: You like hanging out with me right?
Her: yeah
Me: and you dont want this date to end?
Her: where is this line of questions going?
Me: do you want to get out of here and get a drink at yours for 10 minutes?
Her: I dont think you want to meet my roommate, she's super embarrassing.
Me: no it'll be fun! Ill like her
Her: no you really dont want to meet her
Me: okay I have a record player at my place--do you want to see it? you like jazz, right?
Her: yeah, but I can't come tonight.

I persisted several times and then suggested we get some food instead. We go to the restaurant with her arm interlocked in mine and order food. We have good kino and are flirting and she pays for the food.

She then walks me to my train stop and we kiss goodby. Not bad.

Conclusions

My personal goal is to invite each girl home at the end of each date. I was far from this for the first date, but reached it for the second. I believe that if I continue getting to this point, some of my dates will end in lays.

However, I am concerned with the trend in my progress. At first I was getting one lay/week, but eventually got caught up in work and FB's and now haven't gotten a new lay in 2-3 weeks.

I am also getting really caught up in my head during dates and while texting. I think that before tonight I was coming across as needy, and focusing on Law of Least Effort was a step in the right direction. However, it will not benefit me to be distracted at all during my dates.

I am really not sure what to do at this point in my journey, but I figure that being systematic about analyzing my FR's was a step in the right direction. Hopefully I can stay out of my head during dates if I know that I will be able to analyze everything after the date.

At the beginning of my journey, it seemed like girls were chasing me. At this point, I am expending a lot of energy and it still seems like I am chasing the girls.

I would appreciate any words or wisdom, sagely advice, or just a slap in the face.

Thanks guys,

BigS
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
In my noob opinion, it sounds like you're overthinking it, especially if you've been getting a new lay per week before recently.

Some particular thoughts:

Date 1:
- Did you think about inviting her over for the date instead? Could just be you didn't move fast enough with this particular girl.

Date 2:
- Just based on what you wrote, it seems like you may have been able to go to her place or yours if you persisted more. "You don't want to meet my roommate" is a very weak response compared to something like "No, I don't do that at all on first dates." You know what I mean?
- Also, based on the pull language you provided, it sounds like it could have been smoother. If you're already at a bar and you propose going to her place for 10 minutes to get a drink, it's very obvious what you're trying to do.
- Why didn't you try inviting her home after getting food?
 

Científico

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 20, 2018
Messages
437
In my opinion, it was likely a mistake to schedule two dates on the same day back to back. This means you cannot escalate or pull the girl home from date #1 at all if you want to get to date #2. I would have scheduled them for different days - the girls understand, and their respect for you increases, if you are legitimately busy.

I agree with ElderPrince that a little bit of extra persistence may have payed off with date #2. Lately I've actually been amazed at how well some women respond to gentle leadership/persistence.

And, in general, you may be overthinking a bit. Just enjoy yourself and have fun - it really is much about the journey as well as the destination with these lovely female creatures.
 
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