- Joined
- Sep 7, 2018
- Messages
- 364
Hi all,
Went on a date today with a girl I had met through cold approach at my campus. We met at the nearby Starbucks for coffee. My focus for this date was to work on building a solid connection, being sure to relate to her and quickly move away from topics she was not so interested in. "Mirroring" her, as one GC article had put it. I did not worry too much about getting a first date lay, although I had prepared for such an event in case it went really well. Instead, my aim will be to lay her either the second or third date.
Anyways, at Starbucks, we met and we had a good, smooth discussion. I made sure to bring up topics like her major, why she chose it, whether she's adventurous or not, loves to travel or not, her passions, hopes for the future, whether she's more spontaneous or a careful planner, etc. I then related to her on the things she brought up, asking further questions or relating with a story of my own. I did my best to qualify her when she brought up a topic I liked, such as that she loved to travel (which I have hopes to do more in the future). I would move my body so it faced her more and I made more eye contact and smiled in such a case. To disqualify, I would look away or act aloof. She was very receptive to this and we connected over a few topics.
I made sure to touch her by having her show me her jewelry she was wearing, or by touching a tattoo I had her show me when we got to that topic. About halfway through our discussion, I noticed I was sitting across the table from her (it was a smaller table) so I made the excuse that "it was too loud" (which it slightly was) and moved next to her to get more accidental contact. After a while, I noticed she kept looking at her phone so I asked her if she had other plans for tonight. She said yes, that she had a meeting with her housing unit (she's a resident assistant in the dorms on campus) at 7:30 (we met at around 6), and that she would have to leave around 7:10.
I took note of that and then moved the date forward, asking if she'd like to go for a walk. She agreed and asked where we were going. We went to the nearby pet store, which she was more than excited to do. As we walked there, I asked her "So what do you think about me so far?" to which she said I was interesting. I then asked if that was a good thing and she said yes, but that I still am like a stranger. I replied, saying we'd talk more and that there was no pressure on either side. We also talked about her desire to have some pets and then had a good time in the pet store. She then noticed she had to go soon so we began to walk back to the Starbucks parking lot.
I changed the topic after the conversation died down a bit, saying "So we've talked about the normal stuff, so what do you find interesting in a guy?" She was slightly taken back and then said she wanted to be honest, saying she was going to be really busy and wasn't looking for anything that was going to take a lot of time, though she wasn't completely against the idea of a relationship. I replied, saying I was also busy and that I am not currently a big believer in relationships. We then agreed on how weird people in relationships can be and she said she likes having someone to talk to. I asked her if she was like a bunny (they can "die" from loneliness), to which she said no, she enjoyed her time alone and was independent. I agreed it was the same for me, that I found it important for people to have their own lives and that people should have people in their lives who bring value to their lives. She agreed. I also told her she could feel free to be open with me, even if I felt like a stranger now. She said that was good and seemed really happy about that.
We got back to her car (she had parked right next to me, funnily enough) and the conversation had died down. So, I grabbed her chin and began to go in for a kiss as we looked at each other. She put her hand on my chest a pushed me slightly and said "No, we're not there yet. Maybe in a few dates" and gave me a hug instead. Not wanting to push boundaries as she had pushed me slightly, I said ok and put my hands in the air. I then wished her a good night and went to my car. I could tell slightly looking at her that she liked that I had grabbed her chin and was dominant from her facial expression, one of maybe wanting more. Although, she came across in general as slightly closed off, kind of protective of herself.
In retrospect, I think it was a solid one-hour date. I wish I would've gotten a kiss, but I didn't want to push her. I think since I acted dominantly and tried to disqualify myself a bit as a boyfriend candidate, I might be OK. I'm going to wait to see if she texts to say she had fun and then I'll set up another date with her, maybe for next week, as I am packed the rest of this week. It is very tricky to plan a date right now as finals are the second week of December.
What are your guys' thoughts? Any tips/advice/things I should've done differently? Do you think I moved at a good pace or should I have pushed a bit more? As finals are close, it is really hard to plan a date past this week. Any advice?
Oh, and a quick observation. A couple dates I have planned for at 6 PM, the girl ended up having things planned at 7 PM that I didn't know about until we were on the date. Do you guys usually plan a date for around 6 or 7 if you are meeting in the evening? I might start planning at 7 so that way she knows I have her for the evening.
Thanks!
Went on a date today with a girl I had met through cold approach at my campus. We met at the nearby Starbucks for coffee. My focus for this date was to work on building a solid connection, being sure to relate to her and quickly move away from topics she was not so interested in. "Mirroring" her, as one GC article had put it. I did not worry too much about getting a first date lay, although I had prepared for such an event in case it went really well. Instead, my aim will be to lay her either the second or third date.
Anyways, at Starbucks, we met and we had a good, smooth discussion. I made sure to bring up topics like her major, why she chose it, whether she's adventurous or not, loves to travel or not, her passions, hopes for the future, whether she's more spontaneous or a careful planner, etc. I then related to her on the things she brought up, asking further questions or relating with a story of my own. I did my best to qualify her when she brought up a topic I liked, such as that she loved to travel (which I have hopes to do more in the future). I would move my body so it faced her more and I made more eye contact and smiled in such a case. To disqualify, I would look away or act aloof. She was very receptive to this and we connected over a few topics.
I made sure to touch her by having her show me her jewelry she was wearing, or by touching a tattoo I had her show me when we got to that topic. About halfway through our discussion, I noticed I was sitting across the table from her (it was a smaller table) so I made the excuse that "it was too loud" (which it slightly was) and moved next to her to get more accidental contact. After a while, I noticed she kept looking at her phone so I asked her if she had other plans for tonight. She said yes, that she had a meeting with her housing unit (she's a resident assistant in the dorms on campus) at 7:30 (we met at around 6), and that she would have to leave around 7:10.
I took note of that and then moved the date forward, asking if she'd like to go for a walk. She agreed and asked where we were going. We went to the nearby pet store, which she was more than excited to do. As we walked there, I asked her "So what do you think about me so far?" to which she said I was interesting. I then asked if that was a good thing and she said yes, but that I still am like a stranger. I replied, saying we'd talk more and that there was no pressure on either side. We also talked about her desire to have some pets and then had a good time in the pet store. She then noticed she had to go soon so we began to walk back to the Starbucks parking lot.
I changed the topic after the conversation died down a bit, saying "So we've talked about the normal stuff, so what do you find interesting in a guy?" She was slightly taken back and then said she wanted to be honest, saying she was going to be really busy and wasn't looking for anything that was going to take a lot of time, though she wasn't completely against the idea of a relationship. I replied, saying I was also busy and that I am not currently a big believer in relationships. We then agreed on how weird people in relationships can be and she said she likes having someone to talk to. I asked her if she was like a bunny (they can "die" from loneliness), to which she said no, she enjoyed her time alone and was independent. I agreed it was the same for me, that I found it important for people to have their own lives and that people should have people in their lives who bring value to their lives. She agreed. I also told her she could feel free to be open with me, even if I felt like a stranger now. She said that was good and seemed really happy about that.
We got back to her car (she had parked right next to me, funnily enough) and the conversation had died down. So, I grabbed her chin and began to go in for a kiss as we looked at each other. She put her hand on my chest a pushed me slightly and said "No, we're not there yet. Maybe in a few dates" and gave me a hug instead. Not wanting to push boundaries as she had pushed me slightly, I said ok and put my hands in the air. I then wished her a good night and went to my car. I could tell slightly looking at her that she liked that I had grabbed her chin and was dominant from her facial expression, one of maybe wanting more. Although, she came across in general as slightly closed off, kind of protective of herself.
In retrospect, I think it was a solid one-hour date. I wish I would've gotten a kiss, but I didn't want to push her. I think since I acted dominantly and tried to disqualify myself a bit as a boyfriend candidate, I might be OK. I'm going to wait to see if she texts to say she had fun and then I'll set up another date with her, maybe for next week, as I am packed the rest of this week. It is very tricky to plan a date right now as finals are the second week of December.
What are your guys' thoughts? Any tips/advice/things I should've done differently? Do you think I moved at a good pace or should I have pushed a bit more? As finals are close, it is really hard to plan a date past this week. Any advice?
Oh, and a quick observation. A couple dates I have planned for at 6 PM, the girl ended up having things planned at 7 PM that I didn't know about until we were on the date. Do you guys usually plan a date for around 6 or 7 if you are meeting in the evening? I might start planning at 7 so that way she knows I have her for the evening.
Thanks!