How to Be Icy

Alchemist

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
May 22, 2016
Messages
86
I grew up in relatively safe neighborhood. Even though I've had the opportunity to live in multiple countries and experience more than what would a typical city kid would in the US or Western Europe, I still feel like there's a bit of "softness" or lack of "edge" in my personality. I've been unusually kind and respectful to those around me, sometimes leading to a bit odd occasions where I would converse with my distant family members using honorifics in my language (think sir/ma'am in English).

I've gotten over the initial "nice guy syndrome" in terms of dealing with girls, so that I have learned how to act when dealing with them. However as I've explained, this doesn't come naturally to me. And I feel like I want the people I meet, independent of gender or age to think good of me and I do this by being courteous. We have a term in my language that translates somewhat into: [raw/virgin] milk. Someone who is not edgy or icy in tough situations, or a nice guy.

How do I toughen the fuck up, develop a thick skin and be icy in heated situations? For example, I have the option of doing compulsory military service in 2020 (not if I change citizenship), and there's a non-negligible chance that I'll see combat and may be injured or get killed in duty. Will this help? On the other hand I've heard of war veterans saying something along the lines of "I've seen combat in the ME, yet going up to approach that girl still scares me more", which shows that there are different categories of fear and some are more primitive.

Do I need to put in myself in true, life or death situations? Or hang out with risk taking assholes?
 

OldSelf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Feb 15, 2016
Messages
54
Location
LA
I would advise hanging out with some risky people. I used to approach socializing very formal, too. I read a book once that kept on repeating, "socializing should be seen as a casual and not too heavy thing you do."

Hope this helps.

ST
 
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