How I used Facebook to elevate my social and dating life, how you can too.

Glad to be back after a long break and be sharing this with you guys. I have been busy the past few months and hardly get the chance to browse the web anymore.

This is the long game where the rewards are not as immediate.

The age old perception is that Facebook is dead, that it is all on Instagram now but I realized that Facebook is actually alive and kicking, its not just for grandma anymore. While Instagram is the go to social media when it comes to coolness, the reality is that Instagram is kind of a risky investment for social life due to the follower to following ratio. Most of the time the perception is that if you have more people you are following than the number of followers, you aren't really all that cool. Instagram is kind of an investment sort of deal where you follow someone hoping they follow you back and if they do not, then you risk having more people you are following than the number of followers.

Facebook is relatively simple, everyone wants more "friends" and adding a "friend" means you both win because you both have an extra friend, it is a different deal than Instagram. Now because of this situation, people are more likely to accept a friend request on Facebook than follow someone back on Instagram.

Here is what you will need in order for this to work.

1. Be under the age of around 35, ideally under the age of 30.

2. Have gone to either a big high school or a big college. Only exception to this is if you are deeply involved in a hobby or scene (say EDM?) that is huge and has a lot of people your age in it.

3. A relatively decent and well put together Facebook profile that says "I am not a lonely hermit that sits at home all day taking selfies".

4. Live in a big enough city or college town, not a boring bumfuck town without much going on in it.

Here is what I did.

I went to a pretty big school on the East Coast, large sports programs and all. After realizing we had alumni groups for Facebook, I joined them and posted every now and then. Slowly over a span on a couple months, I started sending out a few friend requests. I sent them to a variety of people from hot girls to cool guys to people that just looked like kind people. To my surprise a vast majority of people accepted and I decided to keep sending them to the point the amount of Facebook friends I had grew to about 800. Now I would post funny statuses here and there (you can Google these), non-political and nothing about race, gender or religion. I found my statuses were getting a few likes from people I had just added, some of them hot girls,

My school has a big alumni presence in NYC so whenever an event was scheduled at a bar, it popped up on my Facebook notifications tab. Then I started to realize that they also informed you who was going to be at the event based on your friend's list, naturally I went to events where 50+ of my friends were going to attend. If they were alumni meetups and something more daytime during the weekends, there was already built in rapport I had with a few people going who read my Facebook statuses.

I managed to get laid once by doing this but I had so many more options, it is just that online dating and my photography hobby have been going so well for me that I had to pick and choose. If I was the aggressive old me from back in college who would cold approach more often, I would probably gotten laid at least 4 to 5 times using this method but that old me is still taking a break.

For the first time in my life, I was plugged in.

After college you are not around as many 18-21 year olds as you used to be or people concentrated in the same age group as you. What this did for me was to help me avoid MeetUp events filled with old people coming off of a divorce that I could not relate to, girls who were lost with what to do with their social life and that one creepy older dude who always goes to the MeetUp events to hit on women.

My old alumni and a lot of the recent alumni from fresh out of college were going to certain bars and spots in the city, taking part in certain activities and I was not even as aware of it. Once I was plugged in and keyed in, I was slowly starting to get called to a couple parties, including one on New Year's Eve where I brought a Bumble date and had a few girls interested in chatting with me based on some funny statuses I wrote. What I found was before some of the other parties, I also made a few guy friends open to going out to chill with me and even wing with me. It really brought me into the whole happening crowd, I was plugged into where the parties were at and what big events the party crew was going to hit up.

I also noticed I saw quite a few girls, a couple of them hot, repeatedly in some of these activities and events. One of them was this tall dark haired girl at my alma mater who was in a sorority, one party she is grabbing my arm and just throwing herself at me wanting to dance, I can't dance. I had run into her about four times before and kept the whole ordeal a bit soft, not being as aggressive as I used to be.

Given my photography hobby, I also put up pics and high quality photos, linked them to my Instagram account, and they managed to get quite a few likes. One of them got about 70 likes which I am not as used to on Facebook. It became a way for me to market myself and I noticed some girls who were repeatedly liking my statuses and pics were interested, so I messaged them with either a hello or something simple like a hi. Some of them wrote back and we chatted a bit here and there, especially after I liked their stuff back. I have had a couple ask me what I do on the weekends and one invite me out to some underground music event. It has been an extra arm for me to use to get more lays, at this point I am hitting on a lot of cylinders.

So here is what you do.

1. Add all of your former classmates from either high school and especially college, people are more open to respond to friend requests than following someone back on Instagram. You want to go after people in your age range or very much near it.

2. Join all relevant groups, especially alumni groups or any local group a lot of your friends are in.

3. Turn on notifications for all events in the area.

4. Start updating your status with relevant high quality pics and funny posts (you can google these).

5. Start attending all relevant events.

6. If a girl likes more than one post of yours, message her with a hi and also like some of her stuff back.

7. Keep going to all relevant events, you will see some of these people over and over again.

8. Social opportunities abound, you will also pick up where a lot of people in your age group are going to and what they are liking in a given city.

This is interesting, but I wonder what can you recommend to anyone does not fit into your narrowly defined target:

Oh Pry said:

Here is what you will need in order for this to work.

1. Be under the age of around 35, ideally under the age of 30.

2. Have gone to either a big high school or a big college. Only exception to this is if you are deeply involved in a hobby or scene (say EDM?) that is huge and has a lot of people your age in it.

3. A relatively decent and well put together Facebook profile that says "I am not a lonely hermit that sits at home all day taking selfies".

4. Live in a big enough city or college town, not a boring bumfuck town without much going on in it.

Click to expand...

Referring to your title, how you can too. I see you targeted your advice to Americans, in Europe for example schools, cities, transport, and life are organized somewhat differently. Maybe not that differently that your advice isn't transferable to other places, but again, you defined a very narrow set of folks (maybe they are the majority of forum readers, I don't know) whom even you see as someone who can meaningfully adapt your advice.

I was pondering your idea a little more and here is what I came up with to make it suitable for more folks, regardless of location, country, age, and educational background. You essentially suggest that one can be the main guy of one of those Meetup groups (or local equivalent) Chase wrote an article about. Sure, it can work for certain people, but it certainly isn't for everybody. As Chase suggested it as well. If you happen to have a passion for a topic that is interesting to females in general as well. But your main passion does not have to be one necessarily attracting girls. David Deida argues in his book that you shouldn't put girls as your first priority. As I see it, you main passion can be even such generally girl-repelling thing as computer science and be a pimp on the side, regardless of that. We all know guys who made something similar happen, don't we?

As I see you make a quite a few assumptions as well with this strategy. Most notably you have to stay in place. Can't even move from the West Coast of the US to the East coast, from the East Coast to the West, and in between. I've heard the average American relocates 10 times in her life. How does that add up? Not to mention this isn't for people interested in location independence, let alone to flock to warmer climates in cold winters as a snowbird. But it probably doesn't matter as Chase argues most folks here aren't interested in things like travel and location independence.

Cutting the fluff out of elaborate strategy, I see the core of it as you (or at least, you can) basically attract girls with your photography hobby and the online profiles you've built around your hobby. Which does not require to be from a certain age group or educational background (sure, it helps if you live in a bigger place than bumfuck), and is much more widely applicable. It's also a portable hobby you can easily take with yourself if you decide to relocate.

Yeah this was meant for Americans mainly.

As for hobby, I think everyone should have decent ones.

I do not know how stuff works in Europe.

OP, I'd say your on the right track for creating an image using social media. I agree with the majority of it .

I'd disagree with the part where you need a "Large University" or a "large city" and X number of friends. Using the Groups on FB (There is a Group for everything these days and it is replacing forums) you can create relationships with people in a diverse set of interests.

I'm operating on 400 friends, Largest town of 120,000, closest town of 60,000 my uni was 800 miles away, and was only 8000 students and there are no alumni in my area.

Interest 1.
I attend a weekly Pub event that has FB events posted
I've had 10 years with a group attached to the business that puts on the events
The business posts a group picture each week and I'm tagged. Individuals post pictures and I'm tagged.
The business has a paid training group of 80 people . Weekly Active meetings. Participants take photos used for business publicity. Tagging abounds.

Interest 2
I have another interest that I've developed face to face relationships with across the nation and the state
In that interest I participated in 3 online forums for 10 years. Met forum friends at competitions. Got credibility that boosted forum social proof. Created an image through interactions there that carries over into Forum meetups. Got some accomplishments published in a couple glossy magazines and I have credibility because of it.

Local and family connections
A small community of 2500 where I know everyone and their family. When I want to impress someone from interest 1 or 2, I take them to a local community event which is so different to those people that they are impressed. This group of people are by far my toughest crowd to socialize with. (small town preconceptions)

Business and professional relationships
participate in a professional society that many of my vendors are members of. No online presence whatsoever....They elected me president of the state chapter after 16 years.

There is little if any overlap between the groups...

Now this all takes TIME. There is no overnight success. What I found key was that I interact in person weekly or monthly with a large percentage of my FB friends. Where there is a real life event, people take photos and you become tagged in them. I found FB is a supplement to my real life social life as well as a way to find real life social events. People see the cross over in your interests and are intrigued by them. it provides conversation material, and you instantly have expert status when you are in your element and your target is not.


One thing is that in your FB friends, it always helps to have an attractive female as a cheerleader of sorts liking and commenting on your timeline. When I first added my now GF on FB , she asked about that one "cheerleader" right off the bat...


If you are in a small community, FB can help you have a larger reach. My approach was more to deepen existing relationships than develop new ones.

The reason I included a large community and large school is because a lot of the fun and top notch parties revolve around those crowds. You can try more random crowds but it is not as focused and you will get the issue of old creeps coming in such as with Meetup. With the large community and school standard, you get to be a part of that incrowd.

Oh Pry said:

The reason I included a large community and large school is because a lot of the fun and top notch parties revolve around those crowds. You can try more random crowds but it is not as focused and you will get the issue of old creeps coming in such as with Meetup. With the large community and school standard, you get to be a part of that incrowd.

Click to expand...

You're confusing it though - just because you're the most popular kid doesn't also necessarily mean you have the most friends, or the highest number. In fact it's usually those smaller schools where you can stand out more as the leader of the cool kids. In large environments it's very easy to get lost in the mix.

Usually those so called "popular kids" are actually part of very, very small cliques.

Grand Pooba said:

Oh Pry said:

The reason I included a large community and large school is because a lot of the fun and top notch parties revolve around those crowds. You can try more random crowds but it is not as focused and you will get the issue of old creeps coming in such as with Meetup. With the large community and school standard, you get to be a part of that incrowd.

Click to expand...

You're confusing it though - just because you're the most popular kid doesn't also necessarily mean you have the most friends, or the highest number. In fact it's usually those smaller schools where you can stand out more as the leader of the cool kids. In large environments it's very easy to get lost in the mix.

Usually those so called "popular kids" are actually part of very, very small cliques.

Click to expand...

It is about digging into the right crowds.

Major university that is big and usually a party school = Lots of ex-sorority girls, lots of party animals, lots of girls that know popular girls and a lot of people from wealthier backgrounds likely to party and go out to the nicest spots.

Now try doing that with random crowds with older people in it and that means less hot girls, less fun people and more people that just casually drink at older bars and breweries.

this is interesting i always thought there was massive potential to use social media to get girls
rsd has a video on using instagram to get girls, its an interesting concept its just such a long winded video i couldnt get anything out of it

aray808311 said:

this is interesting i always thought there was massive potential to use social media to get girls
rsd has a video on using instagram to get girls, its an interesting concept its just such a long winded video i couldnt get anything out of it

Click to expand...

Yeah they seem to really get it and have a lot of good content, definitely on the right path with their approach to social media.