Another Quick Response Required: Logistics of a Date

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Hey guys,

Met this girl through cold approach and set up a date for today (Tuesday, during finals week). I sent an antiflake text n asked if her finals were ok - she replied she had a paper to work on today so we didn't meet (I finished my finals today). I told her "haha no worries I believe you. text me when you're available"

She then said "idk if I'll have time this week! i'm only here two more days & then I leave Friday" so I asked how her schedule Thursday night was - she is going out with some work friends at 4 and doesn't know how long it will last. I made date plans with another girl tomorrow (Wednesday) night so my hands are tied.

What's the best way to handle this? I could do a date tomorrow (I get off work at 10 am, my date with the other girl is at 7 pm) before the other date. Thankful for quick advice!

NOTE: I thought about double scheduling my date for tomorrow, but she has to work tomorrow night and is going to try and finish her paper. We also have a month long break, so if I do skip out meeting her, how do I keep her warm so I can have a date with her next semester (in a month)??
 

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Update: saw her walking campus today. We talked a bit and there's simply no way we can meet this week - so we're going to try to get together after break.

PS. She was wearing tight clothes, no bra and wow, I have something to look forward to ;)

Till then ~
NewBeeWinner
 

DarkKnight

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 18, 2018
Messages
1,576
Hey man, ofcourse it is difficult to make an accurate prediction from the outside, but I feel that you are too much in a chasing position. When she flaked first time, I would have left it at that in a warm but polite way, not trying to reschedule at the very moment. Maybe I would ping her 3 days later, or one week later, only if I am really interested. What is not acceptable is all these "maybe's" and "trying too". If she wants to make something happen, she has to put an effort to make it happen. I would not "look forward" to anything at the moment, and not be impressed about how hot she is, until she is actually with me. Don't get attached to this one girl. You're at a college , so it is pretty easy to talk to another girl. Or maybe 5. Or maybe 10. Again, this is very easy to say without emotional investment and I understand that, but I just want to give you a fast reality check. That being said, I hope it does work out for you. Don't give up, just be careful not to get too attached.
 

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Hey DarkKnight,

Thanks for the advice. I definitely won't be getting hung up on her, that's for sure. Also, I didn't even think about it, but youre right that I'm in a chasing position. This girl is leaving out of state for a month, so I ended up chasing, which I agree is not a good thing. Thanks for that reality check.

I think that's what made this situation new to me - she is only here for a limited time. But, you're right, I shouldn't chase. Just find another girl and move on

- NewBeeWinner
 

DarkKnight

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 18, 2018
Messages
1,576
Ha! See how scarcity works in reverse :D?

No worries man, we should keep eachother sharp.
 

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Update:

After talking in person and her saying she'd be interested in getting coffee after break, I texted her "hey [name]! enjoy your holiday trip (she leaves today) and be prepared for possibly the best coffee of your life when you get back ;)"

She replied "hey i'll be straight with you i'm not really interested in getting coffee after break."

So I'm thinking either "comon it's just coffee - it'll be fun!" or just "alright, well I wish you the best - if you see me around don't be a stranger!"

Any suggestions?
 

DarkKnight

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Oct 18, 2018
Messages
1,576
I am all for analyzing situations for future predictions, but this is becoming another "that one special girl" subject. You know the answer already. Move on. Talk to new girls and improve your fundamentals.
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
5,484
NewBeeWinner-

+1 to Dark Knight. Time to meet more girls.

Nice job on the approach and good you persisted. Won't always work, but sometimes it pays off.

One note:

NewBeeWinner said:
After talking in person and her saying she'd be interested in getting coffee after break, I texted her "hey [name]! enjoy your holiday trip (she leaves today) and be prepared for possibly the best coffee of your life when you get back ;)"

She replied "hey i'll be straight with you i'm not really interested in getting coffee after break."

If she's agreed to the date, and won't be seeing you for a while, you do not generally want to include a reminder right after that she's agreed to the date and you'll see her later. It's the "desperate salesman" phenomenon -- you talk to a sales guy, tell him you'd like to buy something in two weeks, and he sends you an email saying "Great talking to you! I'll get you all checked out and paid for in 2 weeks!" and you're like... ugh.

You're far better off letting someone sit and stew, and maybe she warms up to the idea of the date with you as time passes, then you are trying to verbally lock her in ahead of time -- this just annoys her and makes her more likely to cancel.

When you text, try to think to yourself "If I was a badass playboy with 5 different girls he was sleeping with and another 20 in the works, how would I be texting this girl?" and you'll get it right.

Right text would've been "Cool reconnecting with you, Kate. Have an awesome break ;)"

Then after break, text her to meet up (and if she isn't down, troubleshoot then).

Chase
 

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Dark knight,

You're right. I've since this post moved on and am working on meeting new girls (though I've been really busy lately, so I haven't met as many). Thanks for keeping me straight.

Chase,

Thanks for the reply. This is a new situation to me - but I think you hit it on the head. I definitely ended up being the "desperate salesman" in this case. Especially not being entirely sure how to properly handle the situation, given the large time gap.

The mindset you suggested is definitely useful, especially since I find myself falling into a scarcity mindset at times (just meaning I need to meet more women and focus in having more success with women).

I guess this is just another reference point I can add - now knowing how to act.

Just a quick follow up question, since this is where my mind goes:

I can understand that meeting new women (replacing them, not chasing them) is always the best option. Mentally, I know this. But emotionally, I put a ton of pressure on myself to not make mistakes (like in this case) that end up messing up my chances. It sucks and that's how one learns I guess. But, it always causes me to want to troubleshoot and fix things instinctively. What mindset or things can I adopt to correct this? I know abundance mentality is the goal - but can that only be achieved when you're having success with multiple women? Is a "fake it until you make it" mentality the best option until that point?

- NewBeeWinner
 
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